We've pretty much always existed on the brink of financial problems. Never in poverty or even close to what I would consider poverty, but there have been many payments made late or deferred, cupboards running bare for a few days, debt added to. Some things were out of our control and other times we made poor choices.
I'm not sure I'm even sad for these years. I have serious appreciation for people who work hard to make ends meet and a good amount of empathy for those who just flat out don't make ends meet. Honestly, I'm comfortable here with just barely enough.
I'm about to get a little uncomfortable...Chad was hired at Williams Energy last week. We're beyond excited. It's a good job with a great company that gives incredible benefits. We're going to have a little more then enough.
It makes me anxious, kinda nervous. I don't want to be a poor steward of what we've been given. There are BIG ticket things that we've always lived without and we've been FINE. I don't want to all of the sudden think we "need" these things just because we can buy them.
We're a long way from rollin' in the dough, but some breathing room will be welcomed.
I was joking with my sister last night about not wanting to buy a boat. (Disclaimer: If you are a friend of mine with a boat, I hold no ill feelings towards you.) I was laughing about how people with money always buy a boat and I really don't want a boat, but it just seems like one of those things you buy if you have money so I told her not to let me buy a boat!! Anyway, with the job change comes some big changes for us besides finances. We're buying an old, used truck for Chad to drive to work. We'll pay for insurance through his company. We'll have investments! Ah! We're refinancing the house. New cell phone plans. No more shorts and tshirts for Chad's job.
AND...Chad still gets to go to Haiti! Big, big huge deal!
It's quite the ride so far.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Media
I do not like TV. There I said it.
It's been an evolution to get to this point, but the other day I was running on a treadmill at the Y and there were 4 TVs in front of me all with something different on. It was making me crazy. Even when I just watched one of the TVs it was overstimulating, excessive, obnoxious, annoying.
I use to watch it all the time. Wake up, turn the news on and keep it on til lunch. Catch a few talk shows/soap operas in the afternoon and then again at night for a few hours. I did that for years.
When we moved into this house a few years ago, we decided to not hook up any cable. It took some getting use to, but overall it's been great. My kids are big movie watchers and I'm an internet junkie so it's not like we're starving for some media fix. I still use the TV to "babysit" at times or we veg out on really hot or really cold days. We just get to be more selective.
I'll watch TV episodes of different shows occasionally and the kids watch ALOT of movies from the library(except this week during the media fast).
I like the silence. And now when I actually do see some TV, it's annoying. Too much banter, nastiness, overproduced versions of society. Its all so fake. The reality shows (disclaimer: I watch at least a few of the Bachelor/Bachelorette episodes every season :-)! ), the talk shows, the news is even fake most of the time.
So, I don't like TV. I'm sure that puts me in the minority of the American population. No worries, America, I'll still be spending hours a day trolling the internet so I'll be sufficiently bombarded anyway!
It's been an evolution to get to this point, but the other day I was running on a treadmill at the Y and there were 4 TVs in front of me all with something different on. It was making me crazy. Even when I just watched one of the TVs it was overstimulating, excessive, obnoxious, annoying.
I use to watch it all the time. Wake up, turn the news on and keep it on til lunch. Catch a few talk shows/soap operas in the afternoon and then again at night for a few hours. I did that for years.
When we moved into this house a few years ago, we decided to not hook up any cable. It took some getting use to, but overall it's been great. My kids are big movie watchers and I'm an internet junkie so it's not like we're starving for some media fix. I still use the TV to "babysit" at times or we veg out on really hot or really cold days. We just get to be more selective.
I'll watch TV episodes of different shows occasionally and the kids watch ALOT of movies from the library(except this week during the media fast).
I like the silence. And now when I actually do see some TV, it's annoying. Too much banter, nastiness, overproduced versions of society. Its all so fake. The reality shows (disclaimer: I watch at least a few of the Bachelor/Bachelorette episodes every season :-)! ), the talk shows, the news is even fake most of the time.
So, I don't like TV. I'm sure that puts me in the minority of the American population. No worries, America, I'll still be spending hours a day trolling the internet so I'll be sufficiently bombarded anyway!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Humbled
A few weeks ago, during a gathering of our Project 7 group, it was mentioned that my girlfriends would like to do a garage sale to help us raise money for our Haiti adoption/trip, which was not even planned at that point, just a hope, a dream.
Wow! Sure! Great idea! Fast forward...I have no words sufficient to describe yesterday's yard sale and the number of people who knowingly and unknowingly contributed to it's success. Huge, huge success.
My dear friend, Natasha, lead the troops and organized the day. I am in awe of her selflessness. As word got out, she just kept getting calls, texts, messages.
"I have stuff to donate."
"I'll bake for the bake sale."
"I'll make lemonade."
"I'll bring lunch."
"I'll help with tables and set up or break down."
People just kept stepping in to help. What was going to be held at my house, was now in the parking lot of Kyle's Discount on Main St., hugely visible to everyone who drives through town. Prime location. And Kyle was kind beyond words. Wouldn't take money to rent the lot, put up tents for us to have shade, let us borrow clothes racks, and on and on.
As the day went on, I realized quickly this was not going to be a few hundred dollars for our trip. I was giddy with the thought that we may have our tickets paid for, or at least close!! That would have been amazing! At 1:00 I ran to the bank with some of the money...Tickets AND room/board were paid for! By 1:00!! We still had 5 hours left!! I cried all the way back from the bank.
As the afternoon went on we marked things down, and had a fill a bag for a donation the last few hours. $100 for a bag of clothes and a lamp, $40 for some toys and books, $20 for nothing. And one women sticks out in my mind. She browsed for a bit, walked up to the table, and handed me $3. "I didn't find anything, but this is what I have." She gave what she had.
Goose bumpy kind of cool stuff happened all day.
By the end of the day, the final count was MORE then enough. MORE! I get such a kick out of this kind of thing.
We are so blessed with a group of friends that are selfless, generous, thoughtful and believe in a God who can take our efforts and multiply them. We have a community that thinks nothing of helping others.
We are humbled by the entire experience.
Wow! Sure! Great idea! Fast forward...I have no words sufficient to describe yesterday's yard sale and the number of people who knowingly and unknowingly contributed to it's success. Huge, huge success.
My dear friend, Natasha, lead the troops and organized the day. I am in awe of her selflessness. As word got out, she just kept getting calls, texts, messages.
"I have stuff to donate."
"I'll bake for the bake sale."
"I'll make lemonade."
"I'll bring lunch."
"I'll help with tables and set up or break down."
People just kept stepping in to help. What was going to be held at my house, was now in the parking lot of Kyle's Discount on Main St., hugely visible to everyone who drives through town. Prime location. And Kyle was kind beyond words. Wouldn't take money to rent the lot, put up tents for us to have shade, let us borrow clothes racks, and on and on.
As the day went on, I realized quickly this was not going to be a few hundred dollars for our trip. I was giddy with the thought that we may have our tickets paid for, or at least close!! That would have been amazing! At 1:00 I ran to the bank with some of the money...Tickets AND room/board were paid for! By 1:00!! We still had 5 hours left!! I cried all the way back from the bank.
As the afternoon went on we marked things down, and had a fill a bag for a donation the last few hours. $100 for a bag of clothes and a lamp, $40 for some toys and books, $20 for nothing. And one women sticks out in my mind. She browsed for a bit, walked up to the table, and handed me $3. "I didn't find anything, but this is what I have." She gave what she had.
Goose bumpy kind of cool stuff happened all day.
By the end of the day, the final count was MORE then enough. MORE! I get such a kick out of this kind of thing.
We are so blessed with a group of friends that are selfless, generous, thoughtful and believe in a God who can take our efforts and multiply them. We have a community that thinks nothing of helping others.
We are humbled by the entire experience.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Avenues
I'm struggling a bit with some of this adoption stuff. And maybe not how you would think. It's so complicated. So multi-faceted, so much bigger then a "simple" solution.
We so want to adopt, but our reasons are shifting. Our perspective is broadening. The whys and hows are getting messy.
The more I read and talk and research and pray, the more I understand that we may be a part of a bigger solution. I'm asking myself more and more not how many children could we adopt, but rather how many Haitian families can we help stay together. It's a different solution to the same problem. So, so many blogs I read have been putting this idea to work. Helping men and women keep their children seems like a much better solution then to take a child from it's native land. It is still a valuable solution, but not the best. I NEVER thought of this before. I would have NEVER came to that conclusion on my own. Poor babies+rich Americans=adoption=less poor babies. Right?
It's not that simple.
Adoption is still very much a part of what we want to do. Although, I am starting to feel like this is beginning to be much less about what I want and more of what God wants as we move along. That's a good thing, but I just don't know how that's going to look down the road.
We so want to adopt, but our reasons are shifting. Our perspective is broadening. The whys and hows are getting messy.
The more I read and talk and research and pray, the more I understand that we may be a part of a bigger solution. I'm asking myself more and more not how many children could we adopt, but rather how many Haitian families can we help stay together. It's a different solution to the same problem. So, so many blogs I read have been putting this idea to work. Helping men and women keep their children seems like a much better solution then to take a child from it's native land. It is still a valuable solution, but not the best. I NEVER thought of this before. I would have NEVER came to that conclusion on my own. Poor babies+rich Americans=adoption=less poor babies. Right?
It's not that simple.
Adoption is still very much a part of what we want to do. Although, I am starting to feel like this is beginning to be much less about what I want and more of what God wants as we move along. That's a good thing, but I just don't know how that's going to look down the road.
Bring the rain
You know how the air changes before a big storm. The sky shifts, the air temperature drops, the air smells and feels different.
That's what if feels like RIGHT NOW in our lives.
And I know that storm will bring much needed rain, but the wind will be strong, the hail may be large, but we so need that rain...
We're already getting those first few beautiful sprinkles...
I knew way back when we first started talking about adopting from Haiti that we wouldn't be able to do it alone. And we're not alone.
There is this sense that our lives need to be in order to embark on a journey like this. I know some will not understand why and why now for us. We don't make much money, we have 4 children already, we have very busy, wonderful lives.
What's interesting is that over the course of the past few months those are the very things I wrestle with. Pros and cons. Risk vs. reward. The hows and whys.
I live in a comfy place of low expectations. I expect pretty basic things from people and from myself. Which makes this whole thing very intriguing to even me. This is bigger than us. This drive and desire to know intimately what Haitian life is like, how their culture thinks, how we can be of the greatest service to them, does not come from me. It can only come from Him. It's an excited fear I feel. How do you explain knowing a journey will be painful and difficult and WANTING it!?!
My answer to every inquiry, comment, speculation is "I don't know." I don't know how we're going to afford our trip, our possible adoption, and/or whatever opportunity arise from our trip. I don't know what issues our future children may have, biological or adopted. I don't know why we feel this way about this foreign country. I don't know why now. I don't know why so many people have rallied around us with a MASSIVE garage sale, bake sale, lemonade stand! I don't know why we have these people in our lives at this moment?
All I do know is we need to go down this path. I honestly don't feel like I have any control of it anyway. I am an observer to what God will orchestrate. In just these few short months, I can see His hand here and there.
And while feeling like an observer, I know there is so much we will need to do. This will be the most challenging thing we've done. We will be pushed and pulled and grown. It may be a complete disaster. And I welcome it. I don't want to think or feel or act like the world can't be helped by little ol' me and a great big God. Bring the rain!
Mercy Me's song :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU
That's what if feels like RIGHT NOW in our lives.
And I know that storm will bring much needed rain, but the wind will be strong, the hail may be large, but we so need that rain...
We're already getting those first few beautiful sprinkles...
I knew way back when we first started talking about adopting from Haiti that we wouldn't be able to do it alone. And we're not alone.
There is this sense that our lives need to be in order to embark on a journey like this. I know some will not understand why and why now for us. We don't make much money, we have 4 children already, we have very busy, wonderful lives.
What's interesting is that over the course of the past few months those are the very things I wrestle with. Pros and cons. Risk vs. reward. The hows and whys.
I live in a comfy place of low expectations. I expect pretty basic things from people and from myself. Which makes this whole thing very intriguing to even me. This is bigger than us. This drive and desire to know intimately what Haitian life is like, how their culture thinks, how we can be of the greatest service to them, does not come from me. It can only come from Him. It's an excited fear I feel. How do you explain knowing a journey will be painful and difficult and WANTING it!?!
My answer to every inquiry, comment, speculation is "I don't know." I don't know how we're going to afford our trip, our possible adoption, and/or whatever opportunity arise from our trip. I don't know what issues our future children may have, biological or adopted. I don't know why we feel this way about this foreign country. I don't know why now. I don't know why so many people have rallied around us with a MASSIVE garage sale, bake sale, lemonade stand! I don't know why we have these people in our lives at this moment?
All I do know is we need to go down this path. I honestly don't feel like I have any control of it anyway. I am an observer to what God will orchestrate. In just these few short months, I can see His hand here and there.
And while feeling like an observer, I know there is so much we will need to do. This will be the most challenging thing we've done. We will be pushed and pulled and grown. It may be a complete disaster. And I welcome it. I don't want to think or feel or act like the world can't be helped by little ol' me and a great big God. Bring the rain!
Mercy Me's song :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Full Circle awesomeness
Last week, it all came together. The full circle. The moment when the trajectories meet again. When history and connections and memories show us that our decisions and lives can sometimes lead us back to someone from our past. I was talking to my dad last week about our Haiti adventures. About our contact, Pastor Thomas Bernard and how much I have enjoyed emailed back and forth with him.
He was explaining to me some of the long family connections and in passing said, "you know some 20 years ago, Grandpa and Granpma sponsored Thomas when he was at the seminary."
I said, "He's not that Thomas. The "Israel and Thomas" Thomas!"
Dad: "Yeah, he is."
Me: Laughing and somewhat in shock...
You see, I've met Pastor Bernard and I didn't know that was who I was communicating with.
If you remember back a few months when this adventure was starting for us I wrote about these 2 Haitian men that my grandparents had taking care of and how I loved them and they are who started my lifelong love for Haiti. One of those men is Pastor Thomas Bernard and I didn't know it! We just ALWAYS referred to them as "Israel and Thomas". No last names.
He and Israel called my grandparents, "mom and dad." We would often talk of them over the years and it just never occured to me that the Haitian Thomas that I knew was in fact, THIS Haitian Thomas that I was emailing.
Pretty awesome, right?
So here's a little family tree action...Pastor Louis and Luci started a Lutheran church in Haiti and my grandparents were missionaries there and stayed very close with Pastor and Luci over the years. Thomas Bernard is Luci's brother. He started a different Lutheran church 15+ years ago without much support from the states. His sister-in-law, Josie, runs an orphanage. An orphanage that I hope and pray we will be able to visit in August and talk with her about adopting from that orphanage.
The connections are pretty cool, huh?
He was explaining to me some of the long family connections and in passing said, "you know some 20 years ago, Grandpa and Granpma sponsored Thomas when he was at the seminary."
I said, "He's not that Thomas. The "Israel and Thomas" Thomas!"
Dad: "Yeah, he is."
Me: Laughing and somewhat in shock...
You see, I've met Pastor Bernard and I didn't know that was who I was communicating with.
If you remember back a few months when this adventure was starting for us I wrote about these 2 Haitian men that my grandparents had taking care of and how I loved them and they are who started my lifelong love for Haiti. One of those men is Pastor Thomas Bernard and I didn't know it! We just ALWAYS referred to them as "Israel and Thomas". No last names.
He and Israel called my grandparents, "mom and dad." We would often talk of them over the years and it just never occured to me that the Haitian Thomas that I knew was in fact, THIS Haitian Thomas that I was emailing.
Pretty awesome, right?
So here's a little family tree action...Pastor Louis and Luci started a Lutheran church in Haiti and my grandparents were missionaries there and stayed very close with Pastor and Luci over the years. Thomas Bernard is Luci's brother. He started a different Lutheran church 15+ years ago without much support from the states. His sister-in-law, Josie, runs an orphanage. An orphanage that I hope and pray we will be able to visit in August and talk with her about adopting from that orphanage.
The connections are pretty cool, huh?
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
12 years
ago I got married. I spent all day getting ready and I didn't see him at all that day until the wedding which ended up being at 9:45 PM. It was exciting and I was blissfully happy all day knowing I would get to see him that night!
Yeah.
Fastforward 12 years and we saw each other for a 45 minute lunch before I had to run off and pick up Autumn from a camp and he had to get back to work. May see him for another half hour or so before the day is over. Timewise, not all that different from that wedding day. Lifewise, we're on another planet.
It's ok. Would I like to spend my anniversary actually seeing the hubs? Sure, I would. The reality is that jobs, kids, schedules, ball games, etc made that tough this year.
What 12 years has made me realize is that those special, meaningful moments that you expect to have on big days (anniversaries, birthdays, holidays), get spread out. We still have those mushy, feel good days, but they're random. We grab them as we go along. The truth is I like it that way. I like our crazy, busy life. I still like my husband, which I think trumps "love" at this point in the game. I like knowing that just because we didn't get that date night or fancy gift or honeymoon, we're still good. Really good.
I'm excited to see him tonight when he gets home, maybe moreso than I was that night 12 years ago. We'll have a drink on the porch, chat about what's going on and call it a Happy Anniversary day!
Yeah.
Fastforward 12 years and we saw each other for a 45 minute lunch before I had to run off and pick up Autumn from a camp and he had to get back to work. May see him for another half hour or so before the day is over. Timewise, not all that different from that wedding day. Lifewise, we're on another planet.
It's ok. Would I like to spend my anniversary actually seeing the hubs? Sure, I would. The reality is that jobs, kids, schedules, ball games, etc made that tough this year.
What 12 years has made me realize is that those special, meaningful moments that you expect to have on big days (anniversaries, birthdays, holidays), get spread out. We still have those mushy, feel good days, but they're random. We grab them as we go along. The truth is I like it that way. I like our crazy, busy life. I still like my husband, which I think trumps "love" at this point in the game. I like knowing that just because we didn't get that date night or fancy gift or honeymoon, we're still good. Really good.
I'm excited to see him tonight when he gets home, maybe moreso than I was that night 12 years ago. We'll have a drink on the porch, chat about what's going on and call it a Happy Anniversary day!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Lucky #7
This guy is 7 today and we're the lucky ones.
He loves Lego StarWars, superheroes, especially Batman, drawing comic books and action figures, cheese pizza, popsicles, the color orange, and his friends.
He is introverted, has a huge imagination, tries to read road signs while we're driving, and can play by himself for hours.
He can melt me with one look, much like his dad. He pretends to not like my hugs and kisses, but then goes in for more.
He makes me laugh with his gorilla antics and cry with his sweetness.
He tells me he'll always be my baby.
I'll let him.
He tells me he'll always be my baby.
I'll let him.
And he had an epic Star Wars party with some of his favorite people to celebrate!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
She dances
I'm a dance mom. I never thought I would say that. Thankfully, I'm not the kind of dance mom that lands in a reality TV show and Autumn is not the kind of dancer that pitches a fit when her hair gets messed up or she rips her tights.
It's actually quite laid back. I drop her off at a friend's house each week for about an hour, she learns tap and ballet and at the end of the year, we get her all dolled up and she performs. Good stuff.
This year the recital had an 80s theme, so she danced to NKOTB and Michael Jackson. I was PUMPED! Almost pumped enough to get up and dance with her, but I restrained myself. There was discussion on having a "mom" dance since so many of us lived the 80s, but we held back on that too.
As always, Autumn did great. She smiles the whole time she dances. I french braided her hair to a side ponytail and teased it like crazy! Super fun!
It's actually quite laid back. I drop her off at a friend's house each week for about an hour, she learns tap and ballet and at the end of the year, we get her all dolled up and she performs. Good stuff.
This year the recital had an 80s theme, so she danced to NKOTB and Michael Jackson. I was PUMPED! Almost pumped enough to get up and dance with her, but I restrained myself. There was discussion on having a "mom" dance since so many of us lived the 80s, but we held back on that too.
As always, Autumn did great. She smiles the whole time she dances. I french braided her hair to a side ponytail and teased it like crazy! Super fun!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
He gets it.
I was talking with Elijah last week while we were food fasting and we got to talking about poverty in our country vs. other countries. It was an eye-opening discussion for both of us, I think. I was able to explain that our country's standard of poverty are much higher then most other countries. That US poor is really not poor by global standards.
It reminded me that even younger kids can understand these greater world issues. Not always, but if we don't talk about it at all, the chance of them "getting it" is 0.
So while talking, he paused for a minute and then said this:
"So really, in the United States, alot is normal and enough is poor."
Whoa.
Read it again.
I just paused. Absorbed. And said a prayer of thanks.
I think he gets it...
It reminded me that even younger kids can understand these greater world issues. Not always, but if we don't talk about it at all, the chance of them "getting it" is 0.
So while talking, he paused for a minute and then said this:
"So really, in the United States, alot is normal and enough is poor."
Whoa.
Read it again.
I just paused. Absorbed. And said a prayer of thanks.
I think he gets it...
Challenge #2-Clothes
What is it about our society and clothes??
Entire magazines, advertising agencies, industries are driven by our "NEED" for clothes, more clothes!!
Obsessed, consumed, entitled, supposed stress-reliever?? What is it about clothes?
They can rule our lives so unsuspectingly.
We do need them. Unless someone wants to start a nudist colony with me??
No takers? Strange.
Anyway, it's with each new season, we load up!
New shirts and shorts and shoes.
New school year=New wardrobe!
Event coming up? Must get new outfit.
Quick run to Walmart for a few things? Couple new clothes items end up in my cart cause they were on sale!
Just a quick browse online and look, I found a cute dress for only $10!
Sheesh.
I don't feel the need to have new clothes very often and quite frankly, I'd rather not shop unless I have to. That being said, I STILL fall into the same traps. Grab a shirt here, a cute pair of shoes on sale there. It happens.
So, with that in mind, we're going to tackle this week with 7 items of clothing. 8, actually because we get 2 shoes that count as one of the 7.
It's going to be interesting...Will I care? Will I love it? Hate it? We'll see...
Entire magazines, advertising agencies, industries are driven by our "NEED" for clothes, more clothes!!
Obsessed, consumed, entitled, supposed stress-reliever?? What is it about clothes?
They can rule our lives so unsuspectingly.
We do need them. Unless someone wants to start a nudist colony with me??
No takers? Strange.
Anyway, it's with each new season, we load up!
New shirts and shorts and shoes.
New school year=New wardrobe!
Event coming up? Must get new outfit.
Quick run to Walmart for a few things? Couple new clothes items end up in my cart cause they were on sale!
Just a quick browse online and look, I found a cute dress for only $10!
Sheesh.
I don't feel the need to have new clothes very often and quite frankly, I'd rather not shop unless I have to. That being said, I STILL fall into the same traps. Grab a shirt here, a cute pair of shoes on sale there. It happens.
So, with that in mind, we're going to tackle this week with 7 items of clothing. 8, actually because we get 2 shoes that count as one of the 7.
It's going to be interesting...Will I care? Will I love it? Hate it? We'll see...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Awareness-->Action
I'm wondering when one leads to another.It seems I have considered myself aware of many global issues for some time.
I think the magnitude of the poverty our world faces can be paralyzing.
How can I do any good? The problems are SO big. They are so widespread. Every country on every continent has people that are in need. Some in grave, life-threatening need for food, medicine, shelter.
I'm re-reading Kisses from Katie, which quite frankly may be my next book study group and I'm re-reading 7 while we go through this fasting experiment. I can literally FEEL my world rocking.
I was asking myself these questions yesterday. How does awareness move towards action? What can I, a mother of 4, do to help anyone? I can't single-handedly feed all the starving people in this world.
Here is an excerpt from Kisses from Katie: "Every day I have spent in Uganda has been beautifully overwhelming; everywhere I have looked, raw, filthy, human need and brokenness have been on display, begging for someone to meet them, fix them. And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet, I can enter in. I can enter into someone's pain and sit with them and know. This is Jesus. Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that He enter in, He comes with us to the hard places. And so I continue to enter."
What I quickly realized is that I don't have to be in Uganda or in my case where I truly want to be, Haiti, to do this. I can do this here. Right now. With my child, my husband, my friend, my neighbor.
And really, aren't we all raw, filthy, broken. We just hide it better in our society. We close the doors on our hearts, our homes and hide the brokenness. We mask it with possessions and trips, food and jobs. We're all broken. We all just want someone to enter into that pain with us. Just for a moment. To feel it with us. My pain will not be your pain. My tears will come from some place very different from yours, but it's all there for each of us, because we're sinful. We fail. We mess things up. It's what we do. I can't change that about myself. I will always mess up. And the miracle is that God knows that and yet He still has given me a huge responsibility to my children, my husband, my friends and family, my world.
What was He thinking??? I don't know and probably never will, but I'm ok with that for now.
I think the magnitude of the poverty our world faces can be paralyzing.
How can I do any good? The problems are SO big. They are so widespread. Every country on every continent has people that are in need. Some in grave, life-threatening need for food, medicine, shelter.
I'm re-reading Kisses from Katie, which quite frankly may be my next book study group and I'm re-reading 7 while we go through this fasting experiment. I can literally FEEL my world rocking.
I was asking myself these questions yesterday. How does awareness move towards action? What can I, a mother of 4, do to help anyone? I can't single-handedly feed all the starving people in this world.
Here is an excerpt from Kisses from Katie: "Every day I have spent in Uganda has been beautifully overwhelming; everywhere I have looked, raw, filthy, human need and brokenness have been on display, begging for someone to meet them, fix them. And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet, I can enter in. I can enter into someone's pain and sit with them and know. This is Jesus. Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that He enter in, He comes with us to the hard places. And so I continue to enter."
What I quickly realized is that I don't have to be in Uganda or in my case where I truly want to be, Haiti, to do this. I can do this here. Right now. With my child, my husband, my friend, my neighbor.
And really, aren't we all raw, filthy, broken. We just hide it better in our society. We close the doors on our hearts, our homes and hide the brokenness. We mask it with possessions and trips, food and jobs. We're all broken. We all just want someone to enter into that pain with us. Just for a moment. To feel it with us. My pain will not be your pain. My tears will come from some place very different from yours, but it's all there for each of us, because we're sinful. We fail. We mess things up. It's what we do. I can't change that about myself. I will always mess up. And the miracle is that God knows that and yet He still has given me a huge responsibility to my children, my husband, my friends and family, my world.
What was He thinking??? I don't know and probably never will, but I'm ok with that for now.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Food
We have plenty of food. Well, honestly, we've run out or are running out of nearly everything we eat on a regular basis, but we still have plenty of food.
Just not the food we like.
We're so spoiled.
Today my super fab group of friends and my equally super fab big sister started our "7" project today.
Day 1 of the Food Week- I honestly did not know how this would go over. Some people (ME) are seriously attached to their foods or what I've found, even more attached to their beverage of choice. (Uh, cough, cough, COFFEE, anyone!)
The choices of foods ranged from protein powder to lima beans. Coke and coffee to spinach and peanut butter. Chicken and ground beef to strawberries and apples.
The first few choices were easy, but once you started branching out a bit to the 5, 6, 7th choices, things got rough.
You had to think about breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks (Hello, this alone is such a luxury it makes me nauseous just thinking about it). We had to think about combinations. Did you really want JUST bread? Do you really want to eat lettuce with NO dressing? Will strawberries still seem so delicious on day 5?
It has been interesting to say the least. I'm proud of our little experimenting group. Some have slipped, some have held fast, others haven't really chimed in at all and I think they think we're all stupid. No worries, though!
This whole "fasting" and having a group on Facebook to discuss our "fasting" is very Pharisee-ish. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, actually. We're doing this as a group so I love the "we're in this together" kind of deal, but I'm not looking to be like a Pharisee either. Maybe I think it's ok cause my idea of a true fast is when you eat nothing at all for a period of time and I'm not quite brave enough to try that yet.
Who knows. All I know is I like that I've had to be more conscious today. I like that it made me do some research on Burundi, often considered the poorest country in the world.
I like that I've had the opportunity to pray for the people of that country and pray for my friends who are in this with me. I like that I've spent part of today hungry cause I was tired of apples and almonds. It makes me think of our Haiti children. What did they eat today? Did they eat today?
Perspective is shifting.
Ultimately, that's what we're going for. Open our eyes, Lord. I want to see differently and if that means we eat 7 foods for a few days, so be it.
Just not the food we like.
We're so spoiled.
Today my super fab group of friends and my equally super fab big sister started our "7" project today.
Day 1 of the Food Week- I honestly did not know how this would go over. Some people (ME) are seriously attached to their foods or what I've found, even more attached to their beverage of choice. (Uh, cough, cough, COFFEE, anyone!)
The choices of foods ranged from protein powder to lima beans. Coke and coffee to spinach and peanut butter. Chicken and ground beef to strawberries and apples.
The first few choices were easy, but once you started branching out a bit to the 5, 6, 7th choices, things got rough.
You had to think about breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks (Hello, this alone is such a luxury it makes me nauseous just thinking about it). We had to think about combinations. Did you really want JUST bread? Do you really want to eat lettuce with NO dressing? Will strawberries still seem so delicious on day 5?
It has been interesting to say the least. I'm proud of our little experimenting group. Some have slipped, some have held fast, others haven't really chimed in at all and I think they think we're all stupid. No worries, though!
This whole "fasting" and having a group on Facebook to discuss our "fasting" is very Pharisee-ish. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, actually. We're doing this as a group so I love the "we're in this together" kind of deal, but I'm not looking to be like a Pharisee either. Maybe I think it's ok cause my idea of a true fast is when you eat nothing at all for a period of time and I'm not quite brave enough to try that yet.
Who knows. All I know is I like that I've had to be more conscious today. I like that it made me do some research on Burundi, often considered the poorest country in the world.
I like that I've had the opportunity to pray for the people of that country and pray for my friends who are in this with me. I like that I've spent part of today hungry cause I was tired of apples and almonds. It makes me think of our Haiti children. What did they eat today? Did they eat today?
Perspective is shifting.
Ultimately, that's what we're going for. Open our eyes, Lord. I want to see differently and if that means we eat 7 foods for a few days, so be it.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
I didn't think I was that attached...
Our Max was hit by a car last night.
I was coming home last night around 10 and drove by him on the road. I was sure it was him. I hoped it wasn't.
I went inside and told Chad. We walked out to the street.
It was Max.
I was so sick.
I was so sick.
Here is why I love my husband: He went and picked him up, carried him home and buried him.
I would have left him.
We woke the 3 older kids up and told them so they could come out for the burial.
I just cried and hugged them. It is not something I ever want to do again.
They were so sad, so mad.
Elijah wanted to "get" whoever did it to Max.
It must have just happened before I drove by. He was still warm.
It must have just happened before I drove by. He was still warm.
So, now he's buried in the backyard, wrapped in some KU fleece material per Elijah's request.
Obviously, Max was a KU fan so that was only appropriate.
Obviously, Max was a KU fan so that was only appropriate.
We'll be getting another cat.
I didn't know I was so attached til he's gone.
I didn't know I was so attached til he's gone.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
There are days...
when I think a full time job sounds like a dreamy spa vacation cause it would be a whole day away from the little people that run my life.
There are days that a morning working at the coffee shop doesn't even cure the crazy out of myself or these little people that run my life.
There are days when I would like to not have to break up a fight, put someone in time out 14 times with no end in sight, or feed these little people that run my life.
There are days when I don't want to teach school, cook food, or function above a semi-conscious level.
There are days like today.
There are days that a morning working at the coffee shop doesn't even cure the crazy out of myself or these little people that run my life.
There are days when I would like to not have to break up a fight, put someone in time out 14 times with no end in sight, or feed these little people that run my life.
There are days when I don't want to teach school, cook food, or function above a semi-conscious level.
There are days like today.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tonight, it starts.
Our own little social experiment.
I recently read 7 by Jen Hatmaker.
Tonight, a group of my friends will embark on some version of hers.
I'm excited to see how God moves through this.
This is unusual for me. I'm not a "works righteousness" kind of person. I stand firmly on the side of by grace alone. Living my grace alone is the only way to live, but it should produce good fruit. My tree can be pretty sparse most days. I hope to change that.
This book calls on the carpet many of my actions and inaction and I was convicted. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Enlightened.
Our works don't save us.
This book will not save us.
But I want my life to look in such a way that others see Christ. Not me. Not my possessions or clothes or home or...just Christ.
The only way for that to happen is to change what I do and what I say and what choices I make.
Let the experiment begin...
I recently read 7 by Jen Hatmaker.
Tonight, a group of my friends will embark on some version of hers.
I'm excited to see how God moves through this.
This is unusual for me. I'm not a "works righteousness" kind of person. I stand firmly on the side of by grace alone. Living my grace alone is the only way to live, but it should produce good fruit. My tree can be pretty sparse most days. I hope to change that.
This book calls on the carpet many of my actions and inaction and I was convicted. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Enlightened.
Our works don't save us.
This book will not save us.
But I want my life to look in such a way that others see Christ. Not me. Not my possessions or clothes or home or...just Christ.
The only way for that to happen is to change what I do and what I say and what choices I make.
Let the experiment begin...
Saturday, April 28, 2012
I have an idea...
It may be nothing, but it may be incredible.
It's just an idea. No plans. No details or kinks worked out.
Just a thought, an idea that may make it easier for those in need in our community to get exactly what it is that they need.
Let the research begin...
It's just an idea. No plans. No details or kinks worked out.
Just a thought, an idea that may make it easier for those in need in our community to get exactly what it is that they need.
Let the research begin...
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Words
I love words.
They move me.
I could hardly wait to hear the first words out of each of our children's mouths.
I so wanted to know what they would sound like?
Over the years, I have wished many times that they wouldn't say quite so MANY words so often!
And at other times, I just wish they would say something to let me know how they were feeling or what they were thinking.
Words can move people to action, make them pause and reflect, inspire them, and tear them down.
There is power in what we say and write.
I've been thinking lately about how seemingly meaningless comments by myself or others can have an impact on those around us. And not so much from the speakers point of view, but rather the one who hears it.
Why do we let a single negative comment derail us? Cause us to doubt what we just a moment ago thought we were sure about? Make us change our course?
One thoughtless comment can do that.
Not only do we need to be careful that our words don't create pain in another person, but maybe even moreso, we can't let what others say dictate our course.
I am as guilty as can be when it comes to speaking without thinking. Mostly it's under the pretext of humor which can really get me in trouble. Apparently, I'm not as funny as I think I am at times.
And I'm a yeller. My least favorite quality about myself. I yell at my kids, I rant about this or that, I get all worked up. This happens less often then it used to, but still too often for my liking.
Our words can hurt or help. Hinder or inspire. Quite frankly, sometimes our words seem to do nothing. They simply hang in the air. I often feel like many of my words to my children get left there, hanging in space, never quite hitting the mark.
I love words. Words of encouragement, of kindness, of love, of laughter.
I hope I remember that the next time I feel the urge to use my words otherwise or allow someone else's words hurt too deep.
They move me.
I could hardly wait to hear the first words out of each of our children's mouths.
I so wanted to know what they would sound like?
Over the years, I have wished many times that they wouldn't say quite so MANY words so often!
And at other times, I just wish they would say something to let me know how they were feeling or what they were thinking.
Words can move people to action, make them pause and reflect, inspire them, and tear them down.
There is power in what we say and write.
I've been thinking lately about how seemingly meaningless comments by myself or others can have an impact on those around us. And not so much from the speakers point of view, but rather the one who hears it.
Why do we let a single negative comment derail us? Cause us to doubt what we just a moment ago thought we were sure about? Make us change our course?
One thoughtless comment can do that.
Not only do we need to be careful that our words don't create pain in another person, but maybe even moreso, we can't let what others say dictate our course.
I am as guilty as can be when it comes to speaking without thinking. Mostly it's under the pretext of humor which can really get me in trouble. Apparently, I'm not as funny as I think I am at times.
And I'm a yeller. My least favorite quality about myself. I yell at my kids, I rant about this or that, I get all worked up. This happens less often then it used to, but still too often for my liking.
Our words can hurt or help. Hinder or inspire. Quite frankly, sometimes our words seem to do nothing. They simply hang in the air. I often feel like many of my words to my children get left there, hanging in space, never quite hitting the mark.
I love words. Words of encouragement, of kindness, of love, of laughter.
I hope I remember that the next time I feel the urge to use my words otherwise or allow someone else's words hurt too deep.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
On being thankful...
Be forewarned...more rattling in my brain has contributed to this post so no promises it will make sense.
I've started reading another book. I'm kinda on a roll lately in being told about awesome books, actually reading them and agreeing that they are awesome. That doesn't always happen.
I feel like I'm in the third book in a trifecta of books that everyone should read. They are all inadvertingly connected. They all address similar issues, but in widely different way.
Kisses from Katie, which I mentioned awhile ago was just a beautiful testament to what God does with someone so humble and willing. One Thousand Gifts was poetically written, deeply moving to the point of being uncomfortable at times, and profoundly brain changing. And now, I'm reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker. Yowza.
So much of these books stems from a place of wanting to be close to God, to be "in commune" with Him, to see his gifts spread out before us, to be Christ-like. My brain has been winding it's way around the implications this means for my life. As a life-long Christian, I know these things. I get it. I'm just wondering if I REALLY get it??
The brain has settled, for now, very solidly on this idea of "Eucharisteo" I love it. It's so simple, yet so powerful.
I was running on Easter evening (no one was chasing me) and I was listing off thanks as I ran. What I noticed was that at the end of each "thanks" I mentally added something that made me go, "huh??"
Here's my train of thought...bear with me...
"For a beautiful town...(cause others don't have that)"
"For the birds chirping...(cause some can't hear that)"
"For beautiful tulips and green grasses...(cause some can't see them)"
"For the ability to run, even if I hate it...(cause some can't and want to)"
See where I'm going with this? My thanks are totally tied to what others have...or in this case have not. What good is saying "oh, thank you, thank you" when it's only because I view what I have as better then someone elses circumstances??? Yuck.
I've caught myself M.A.N.Y times doing it. Yeah, thanks God for X, Y, or Z (cause it's better then what others have to endure, experience, etc.) So not cool.
Why can't I just be thankful. Period. Because I "feel" blessed does that make me "more" blessed then others?
No!
Should my eucharisteo stem from a place of comparison? NO!
It's all there. For everyone. In every circumstance.
Poor. Rich. Blind. Seeing. Mobile. Disabled. Sick. Well.
The blessings are scattered wide.
I want to be thankful. No comparison.
I've started reading another book. I'm kinda on a roll lately in being told about awesome books, actually reading them and agreeing that they are awesome. That doesn't always happen.
I feel like I'm in the third book in a trifecta of books that everyone should read. They are all inadvertingly connected. They all address similar issues, but in widely different way.
Kisses from Katie, which I mentioned awhile ago was just a beautiful testament to what God does with someone so humble and willing. One Thousand Gifts was poetically written, deeply moving to the point of being uncomfortable at times, and profoundly brain changing. And now, I'm reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker. Yowza.
So much of these books stems from a place of wanting to be close to God, to be "in commune" with Him, to see his gifts spread out before us, to be Christ-like. My brain has been winding it's way around the implications this means for my life. As a life-long Christian, I know these things. I get it. I'm just wondering if I REALLY get it??
The brain has settled, for now, very solidly on this idea of "Eucharisteo" I love it. It's so simple, yet so powerful.
I was running on Easter evening (no one was chasing me) and I was listing off thanks as I ran. What I noticed was that at the end of each "thanks" I mentally added something that made me go, "huh??"
Here's my train of thought...bear with me...
"For a beautiful town...(cause others don't have that)"
"For the birds chirping...(cause some can't hear that)"
"For beautiful tulips and green grasses...(cause some can't see them)"
"For the ability to run, even if I hate it...(cause some can't and want to)"
See where I'm going with this? My thanks are totally tied to what others have...or in this case have not. What good is saying "oh, thank you, thank you" when it's only because I view what I have as better then someone elses circumstances??? Yuck.
I've caught myself M.A.N.Y times doing it. Yeah, thanks God for X, Y, or Z (cause it's better then what others have to endure, experience, etc.) So not cool.
Why can't I just be thankful. Period. Because I "feel" blessed does that make me "more" blessed then others?
No!
Should my eucharisteo stem from a place of comparison? NO!
It's all there. For everyone. In every circumstance.
Poor. Rich. Blind. Seeing. Mobile. Disabled. Sick. Well.
The blessings are scattered wide.
I want to be thankful. No comparison.
Monday, April 9, 2012
What to say...
There seems to be a lot of "talking points" rattling around in my head the past few days.
Not sure where to start so I'll just start here!
I was talking with my super fab sister, Ang, the other day about Jen Hatmaker's new book, 7. I haven't read it yet, but have read some reviews and it's definitely on my list. Ang was telling me the gist of some of it and we got to talking about excess in our lives.
This happens to be one of my favorite topics. The irony is that I can never seem to get to the point where I feel balanced in that regard. Or if I do it's so short-lived that I barely remember. I love talking about how excessive we are as a nation, but ALWAYS have to point the finger directly back at myself.
I love to live simply.
I have said this before.
I don't like stuff.
I want one of what I need and nothing of what I don't. Sadly, what I want and what I do and exist in rarely reflect that. Ang and I were talking about how we balance our societies warped perception of "need" and having to actually live in this society. How do we balance paying the bills and living with enough? We determined the best way was to drop off the grid and start a commune! And since that won't be happening anytime soon, I move on...
We live in a BIG house. Much bigger then we will ever NEED. I love it. It is a beautiful gift. And it gives me ample space to put stuff where I can not see it for weeks. Convenient, right? Blah.
We were talking about how incomes and the cost of living affect this off-balance. We don't make much by society's standards, yet there are many times I hardly feel like we make enough to live on.
What a joke!! All I have to do is look around, look in our cupboards and in our closets and drawers.
Really?? I'm insane. Certifiable. We have too much.
The tricky thing is that when bills are late being paid, or a run to the store has to be put off a day or two.
Do I still look around and think, "We have so much!" Not always, but I'm getting there.
So what's enough? I ask myself that alot. And not just in a materialistic way...physically, mentally, spiritually, with time, with everything.
Am I spending enough time with my kids, enough time with Chad, enough time in the Word, enough time with my friendships, enough time with me? It's a daunting list.
And then, I was handed a pretty little package...Easter. What a perfectly timed reminder (and is there ever not a perfect time to remember Easter?) that He paid enough so that I don't have to worry about the enough.
We always have enough because He has paid for it all in every category I can conjure up in my budget, my mind, and my life.
And now, if I can just unload the stuff! :-)
Not sure where to start so I'll just start here!
I was talking with my super fab sister, Ang, the other day about Jen Hatmaker's new book, 7. I haven't read it yet, but have read some reviews and it's definitely on my list. Ang was telling me the gist of some of it and we got to talking about excess in our lives.
This happens to be one of my favorite topics. The irony is that I can never seem to get to the point where I feel balanced in that regard. Or if I do it's so short-lived that I barely remember. I love talking about how excessive we are as a nation, but ALWAYS have to point the finger directly back at myself.
I love to live simply.
I have said this before.
I don't like stuff.
I want one of what I need and nothing of what I don't. Sadly, what I want and what I do and exist in rarely reflect that. Ang and I were talking about how we balance our societies warped perception of "need" and having to actually live in this society. How do we balance paying the bills and living with enough? We determined the best way was to drop off the grid and start a commune! And since that won't be happening anytime soon, I move on...
We live in a BIG house. Much bigger then we will ever NEED. I love it. It is a beautiful gift. And it gives me ample space to put stuff where I can not see it for weeks. Convenient, right? Blah.
We were talking about how incomes and the cost of living affect this off-balance. We don't make much by society's standards, yet there are many times I hardly feel like we make enough to live on.
What a joke!! All I have to do is look around, look in our cupboards and in our closets and drawers.
Really?? I'm insane. Certifiable. We have too much.
The tricky thing is that when bills are late being paid, or a run to the store has to be put off a day or two.
Do I still look around and think, "We have so much!" Not always, but I'm getting there.
So what's enough? I ask myself that alot. And not just in a materialistic way...physically, mentally, spiritually, with time, with everything.
Am I spending enough time with my kids, enough time with Chad, enough time in the Word, enough time with my friendships, enough time with me? It's a daunting list.
And then, I was handed a pretty little package...Easter. What a perfectly timed reminder (and is there ever not a perfect time to remember Easter?) that He paid enough so that I don't have to worry about the enough.
We always have enough because He has paid for it all in every category I can conjure up in my budget, my mind, and my life.
And now, if I can just unload the stuff! :-)
Monday, April 2, 2012
The older I get...
the more I like vegetables.
the less I like Skittles.
the more I like a cold glass of water...and beer.
the less I like soda.
the more I like quiet moments alone.
the less I like large groups of people.
the more I like time spent with close friends.
the less I like "partying" with a bunch of acquaintances.
the more I like my husband.
the less I like my husband...kidding, kidding :-)
the more I like quality.
the less I like quantity.
the more I like my parents.
the less I like my childhood notions of who I thought they were.
the more I like sunshine.
the less I like rain.
the more I like my faith.
the less I like what I thought that meant.
the more I like workout pants with spandex.
the less I like any other attire.
the more I like dresses.
the less I like shorts...I realize this counters my previous statement :)
the more I feel settled.
the less I feel flighty.
the more I make mistakes.
the less I beat myself up for those mistakes.
the more I forgive others and myself.
the less I worry.
The older I get, I see many things quite differently then I use to.
I can only hope age continues to serve me in such a way.
the less I like Skittles.
the more I like a cold glass of water...and beer.
the less I like soda.
the more I like quiet moments alone.
the less I like large groups of people.
the more I like time spent with close friends.
the less I like "partying" with a bunch of acquaintances.
the more I like my husband.
the less I like my husband...kidding, kidding :-)
the more I like quality.
the less I like quantity.
the more I like my parents.
the less I like my childhood notions of who I thought they were.
the more I like sunshine.
the less I like rain.
the more I like my faith.
the less I like what I thought that meant.
the more I like workout pants with spandex.
the less I like any other attire.
the more I like dresses.
the less I like shorts...I realize this counters my previous statement :)
the more I feel settled.
the less I feel flighty.
the more I make mistakes.
the less I beat myself up for those mistakes.
the more I forgive others and myself.
the less I worry.
The older I get, I see many things quite differently then I use to.
I can only hope age continues to serve me in such a way.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Photo dump
Bubby was given a sweet "dirt bike" from his friend. He loves it!
Our soccer players!
Truth be told, 3 year old soccer is a joke, but man are they cute in shin guards.
This is where Chad stood after completing the first CF Open WOD...with one arm. I've got a whole post in the works for all that. Needless to say, he impressed me.
TWINS!
This makes me giggle. Caleb has called Elijah "twin" for as long as I can remember. This just solidified it.
He's just cute
This lovely creek is fairly close to my parents and a hidden gem that my brother Gabe led us to. We had a total blast "riding" the creek current!
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| Cory Luke :) |
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We were at my parents' last weekend and made a stop at my brother Luke's gravesite. It is good for me to know that my kids know about Luke. This always gives us a great opportunity to tell stories about him.
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Caleb with The Godfather reading books.
Man, oh, man we love Uncle Isaac.
Friday, March 30, 2012
What I want....
is to be content in all circumstances,
joyful in all situations,
thankful for the seemingly trivial,
aware of others struggles,
able to smile when things don't go my way,
and happy to hand each moment over to a faithful God.
What I am...
is annoyed when others don't do what I think they should do,
peeved when I think something should go a certain way and it doesn't,
oblivious to behind-the-scene struggles,
grumpy when I know we're in for a rough round,
and mad that my faithful God didn't think my way was better.
And so I'm practicing, still, eucharisteo. Giving thanks. It's not as easy as it may sound. And the more I do it, the more I'm aware at how bad I am at it. It's like putting a spotlight on every single moment I feel mad, grumpy, annoyed, angry, etc, ad nauseum...
I'm struggling with feeling those real, human emotions and pausing to still give thanks in them.
It is bizarre. Saying thank you for something...when I want to yell and pound my fists against the wall.
What a battle we wage...
joyful in all situations,
thankful for the seemingly trivial,
aware of others struggles,
able to smile when things don't go my way,
and happy to hand each moment over to a faithful God.
What I am...
is annoyed when others don't do what I think they should do,
peeved when I think something should go a certain way and it doesn't,
oblivious to behind-the-scene struggles,
grumpy when I know we're in for a rough round,
and mad that my faithful God didn't think my way was better.
And so I'm practicing, still, eucharisteo. Giving thanks. It's not as easy as it may sound. And the more I do it, the more I'm aware at how bad I am at it. It's like putting a spotlight on every single moment I feel mad, grumpy, annoyed, angry, etc, ad nauseum...
I'm struggling with feeling those real, human emotions and pausing to still give thanks in them.
It is bizarre. Saying thank you for something...when I want to yell and pound my fists against the wall.
What a battle we wage...
Monday, March 26, 2012
Weary
I went to my parent's house this weekend. I have spent the past few weeks weary, worn, too tired to do dishes, cook a meal, or be happy. It took so much effort to smile, to be kind.
I can't even tell you a good reason why I felt that way. I just did.
Even as a grown woman, mother to 4, I sometimes need my mom, my dad, their home.
My mom has mentioned a few times this book she had recently read. Just in passing.."You need to read this." Sure, sure. I love a good book.
Friday morning I woke up, curled up in their recliner and rarely left it most of the day. I read. I'm not even done with the book and it has changed me.
A Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.
Gratitude.
Eucharisteo.
Give thanks.
She took a challenge to list a thousand thank yous. It changed her from a bitter, angry woman who had alot to be bitter about in her past to a grateful, God-seeing, thanks-giving woman. She writes beautifully, powerfully. She is honest about the struggles of life and doesn't sugar-coat the fact that it's nearly impossible to be thankful in ALL circumstances, but that it is possible.
It's given me much to think on.
Eucharisteo.
I'm going to practice it.
I can't even tell you a good reason why I felt that way. I just did.
Even as a grown woman, mother to 4, I sometimes need my mom, my dad, their home.
My mom has mentioned a few times this book she had recently read. Just in passing.."You need to read this." Sure, sure. I love a good book.
Friday morning I woke up, curled up in their recliner and rarely left it most of the day. I read. I'm not even done with the book and it has changed me.
A Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.
Gratitude.
Eucharisteo.
Give thanks.
She took a challenge to list a thousand thank yous. It changed her from a bitter, angry woman who had alot to be bitter about in her past to a grateful, God-seeing, thanks-giving woman. She writes beautifully, powerfully. She is honest about the struggles of life and doesn't sugar-coat the fact that it's nearly impossible to be thankful in ALL circumstances, but that it is possible.
It's given me much to think on.
Eucharisteo.
I'm going to practice it.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Blah, blah, blah, blah
I really don't have much to write about these days. For whatever reason, I feel like I've been operating in a haze the past few weeks. Much more tired then usual...Days have just run from one to the next without anything profound or crazy happening.
I'm ok with that for awhile, but then I start to feel like I need something to shake up the monotony.
We're heading to my parents for the weekend so that will give me something to get ready for, I guess.
My best Caleb story from the past weeks is when he asked a guy who was across the street if he was creepy. That got us all laughing pretty good. Apparently, Caleb yelled across the street, "Hey stranger guy! Are you creepy?" When the guy replied no, he yelled again, "Are you a creepy stranger?" At this point, I'm sure the gentleman was quite uncomfortable (I did not see this exchange, but Autumn did). Caleb came running in and said, "Mom, mom! Don't worry that stranger guy across the street isn't creepy. I asked him and he said no."
Imagine my relief to know that my 3 year old feels comfortable asking strangers if they are creepy! Geez.
I feel a nap coming on...we'll see if the peeps will leave me alone long enough to snooze for a bit.
I'm ok with that for awhile, but then I start to feel like I need something to shake up the monotony.
We're heading to my parents for the weekend so that will give me something to get ready for, I guess.
My best Caleb story from the past weeks is when he asked a guy who was across the street if he was creepy. That got us all laughing pretty good. Apparently, Caleb yelled across the street, "Hey stranger guy! Are you creepy?" When the guy replied no, he yelled again, "Are you a creepy stranger?" At this point, I'm sure the gentleman was quite uncomfortable (I did not see this exchange, but Autumn did). Caleb came running in and said, "Mom, mom! Don't worry that stranger guy across the street isn't creepy. I asked him and he said no."
Imagine my relief to know that my 3 year old feels comfortable asking strangers if they are creepy! Geez.
I feel a nap coming on...we'll see if the peeps will leave me alone long enough to snooze for a bit.
Friday, March 9, 2012
TV
There has been an over-abundance of movie watching going on at our house the past few weeks.
I will occasionally give myself a mental pat on the back because we don't have cable so I somehow think that cuts our TV watching way down.
I'm not so sure after the past few weeks.
Living a block from the library and having 2 older kids that can go on their own whenever means ALOT of free movies rotating through our house.
We've watched Dora the Explorer til we're all yelling "MAP" at the top of our lungs in our sleep. Caillou has made is way into the line-up and it makes me want to pull my hair out, "Caaiiii-yuuuu." I can't stand that whiny kid.
Then we occasionally have Magic School Bus, which means they are learning something, right?
And Autumn loves Little House on the Prairie and the American Girls series.
I could go on, but it's already getting embarrassing.
There is an easy solution to this problem.
I know this.
Just turn it off, right?
It's so easy.
I will...after I finish writing this post and checking Facebook again, and I clear off the table and something else I'm sure I need to do...
Help! My kids are turning into vegetables.
I will occasionally give myself a mental pat on the back because we don't have cable so I somehow think that cuts our TV watching way down.
I'm not so sure after the past few weeks.
Living a block from the library and having 2 older kids that can go on their own whenever means ALOT of free movies rotating through our house.
We've watched Dora the Explorer til we're all yelling "MAP" at the top of our lungs in our sleep. Caillou has made is way into the line-up and it makes me want to pull my hair out, "Caaiiii-yuuuu." I can't stand that whiny kid.
Then we occasionally have Magic School Bus, which means they are learning something, right?
And Autumn loves Little House on the Prairie and the American Girls series.
I could go on, but it's already getting embarrassing.
There is an easy solution to this problem.
I know this.
Just turn it off, right?
It's so easy.
I will...after I finish writing this post and checking Facebook again, and I clear off the table and something else I'm sure I need to do...
Help! My kids are turning into vegetables.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Step ??
Submitted my passport documents today. I realize for the well-traveled individual this is not a big deal.
It happens to be a very big deal to me. It means when the time comes, all I need is a plane ticket. It means I can go to Haiti. My dad is waiting to hear when he can go and teach at the seminary this summer. I'm waiting to hear if those we know can help us along with an adoption.
There is a theme here...waiting...patience is a virtue.
My hope is to be able to go to Haiti with my dad. I haven't talked with him about this, but I'm assuming he's cool with it.
I want to meet these people that my family has talked about for so long.
I want to go to the orphanage.
I want to hold some babies.
I will try not to smuggle them back with me...I said try...
I submitted those papers with an end goal in mind. Not an international vacation (although that sounds really nice).
My end goal is our babies.
I want to bring them home.
I know we are months and years from that end goal, but it's a step...
It happens to be a very big deal to me. It means when the time comes, all I need is a plane ticket. It means I can go to Haiti. My dad is waiting to hear when he can go and teach at the seminary this summer. I'm waiting to hear if those we know can help us along with an adoption.
There is a theme here...waiting...patience is a virtue.
My hope is to be able to go to Haiti with my dad. I haven't talked with him about this, but I'm assuming he's cool with it.
I want to meet these people that my family has talked about for so long.
I want to go to the orphanage.
I want to hold some babies.
I will try not to smuggle them back with me...I said try...
I submitted those papers with an end goal in mind. Not an international vacation (although that sounds really nice).
My end goal is our babies.
I want to bring them home.
I know we are months and years from that end goal, but it's a step...
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Warning
I'm talking about sex in this post...
I don't usually go on record to voice my stance on the issues that are currently running through our political system.
There is one that keeps coming up in the news that I have pretty strong feelings about...birth control as a health issue.
Let me start this off with saying that I know there are genuine health problems that birth control pills are used for treating and I do not consider that equivalent to taking birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. Two different issues, as far as I'm concerned.
My issue, I suppose, is that we are essentially legislating sex. I do have a problem with that. Since when was sex included in our inalienable rights? It is a choice, not a right. How I choose to conceive or prevent conception should be on my financial shoulders. Not the American public.
I honestly think that we must insist that as a society we understand that with this CHOICE comes responsibility, instead of essentially, saying, "Go for it. We got your back. We'll pay for your bc pills, we'll provide you with abortions, we'll treat your STD's and we'll make sure you don't have to deal with an unwanted baby all so you can keep having sex any which way you want."
I am not just speaking to those who are promiscous, either. I'm talking to the married folk, the "committed" relationship people, the youth, the adults, everyone.
If I myself choose to have sex, then I must bear the responsibility, whether that be a child, STD, emotional baggage and all the good stuff too, that comes with that choice.
Why does my employer and therefore, the American public, need to bear the weight of my choice. If I take bc pills to prevent pregnancy, but I cannot afford those pills on my own, then maybe I shouldn't be having sex. And I know this is shocking, but there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD's then a pill.
Again, if I have a health issue that birth control pills relieve, that is a different topic all together.
It is truly just baffling to me that we have become a society that has allowed our Congress to be so intimately involved in our sex lives. Oh, I know, it's a women's health issue. Bull.
It is another case of entitlement. Pay for my pills so I can have sex without responsibility.
I know that it's not quite this cut and dry, but it's much more cut and dry then people want to make it. And it makes me a little batty when it constantly comes back to a "women's health issue." It's a choice issue. It's a responsibility issue. It's a sex education issue, as in don't have sex unless you can be responsible for the results of that action.
I absolutely understand that there are fierce opponents to my opinions. People get nasty about this kind of thing. Don't be messin' with my sex life-kind of nasty. I don't want to mess with your sex life, in fact, I'd like you to keep that all to yourself, including the monetary cost of your choices.
We shouldn't be covering birth control unless there is a medical condition. Not wanting to get pregnant is NOT a medical condition. Just watch...next we're going to be required to pay for boob jobs because it's a womens health issue.
And, I'm now stepping down off my soap box and resuming my quiet life. :-)
I don't usually go on record to voice my stance on the issues that are currently running through our political system.
There is one that keeps coming up in the news that I have pretty strong feelings about...birth control as a health issue.
Let me start this off with saying that I know there are genuine health problems that birth control pills are used for treating and I do not consider that equivalent to taking birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. Two different issues, as far as I'm concerned.
My issue, I suppose, is that we are essentially legislating sex. I do have a problem with that. Since when was sex included in our inalienable rights? It is a choice, not a right. How I choose to conceive or prevent conception should be on my financial shoulders. Not the American public.
I honestly think that we must insist that as a society we understand that with this CHOICE comes responsibility, instead of essentially, saying, "Go for it. We got your back. We'll pay for your bc pills, we'll provide you with abortions, we'll treat your STD's and we'll make sure you don't have to deal with an unwanted baby all so you can keep having sex any which way you want."
I am not just speaking to those who are promiscous, either. I'm talking to the married folk, the "committed" relationship people, the youth, the adults, everyone.
If I myself choose to have sex, then I must bear the responsibility, whether that be a child, STD, emotional baggage and all the good stuff too, that comes with that choice.
Why does my employer and therefore, the American public, need to bear the weight of my choice. If I take bc pills to prevent pregnancy, but I cannot afford those pills on my own, then maybe I shouldn't be having sex. And I know this is shocking, but there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD's then a pill.
Again, if I have a health issue that birth control pills relieve, that is a different topic all together.
It is truly just baffling to me that we have become a society that has allowed our Congress to be so intimately involved in our sex lives. Oh, I know, it's a women's health issue. Bull.
It is another case of entitlement. Pay for my pills so I can have sex without responsibility.
I know that it's not quite this cut and dry, but it's much more cut and dry then people want to make it. And it makes me a little batty when it constantly comes back to a "women's health issue." It's a choice issue. It's a responsibility issue. It's a sex education issue, as in don't have sex unless you can be responsible for the results of that action.
I absolutely understand that there are fierce opponents to my opinions. People get nasty about this kind of thing. Don't be messin' with my sex life-kind of nasty. I don't want to mess with your sex life, in fact, I'd like you to keep that all to yourself, including the monetary cost of your choices.
We shouldn't be covering birth control unless there is a medical condition. Not wanting to get pregnant is NOT a medical condition. Just watch...next we're going to be required to pay for boob jobs because it's a womens health issue.
And, I'm now stepping down off my soap box and resuming my quiet life. :-)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Pondering
I've been wondering lately if I'm actually necessary to the functioning of my home and parenting of my children. I've been SUPER lazy lately.
I am tired.
Bored.
I feel like I'm in a holding pattern.
Just waiting...for what?
I'm not sure.
I'm waiting to hear from Haiti, but that shouldn't interfere with my ability to function, right?
I'm waiting to do some projects around the house, but I'm also waiting for the motivation to kick in to do said projects.
I'm waiting to see if Chad hears about an online teaching job, but this does not affect my day to day life much...or does it?
I know on a conscious level that these things do not mean that I cannot do the dishes or a few loads of laundry, but that is exactly what my brain is telling me.
"No don't do those dishes just yet. You might get an email from Haiti."
"Better wait on that laundry. You might decide to go to the store and get stuff to paint the bathroom, put up baseboards in the mudroom or haul insane amounts of junk up from the basement!"
"Hold it! Don't clean the bathroom. You may hear that Chad was hired."
Stupid, right?
I know this.
Help me.
I am tired.
Bored.
I feel like I'm in a holding pattern.
Just waiting...for what?
I'm not sure.
I'm waiting to hear from Haiti, but that shouldn't interfere with my ability to function, right?
I'm waiting to do some projects around the house, but I'm also waiting for the motivation to kick in to do said projects.
I'm waiting to see if Chad hears about an online teaching job, but this does not affect my day to day life much...or does it?
I know on a conscious level that these things do not mean that I cannot do the dishes or a few loads of laundry, but that is exactly what my brain is telling me.
"No don't do those dishes just yet. You might get an email from Haiti."
"Better wait on that laundry. You might decide to go to the store and get stuff to paint the bathroom, put up baseboards in the mudroom or haul insane amounts of junk up from the basement!"
"Hold it! Don't clean the bathroom. You may hear that Chad was hired."
Stupid, right?
I know this.
Help me.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Life goes on...
Not much slows us down, unfortunately.I had 2 days of near bliss with the hubs home and basically bed or couch-ridden. I'm not kidding that I dream about that. I could just lay or sit down next to him whenever I want. For a girl who barely sees him for days on end, I'm telling ya, I was possibly a little thankful for that broken arm.
It only kept him home for about 2 1/2 days, though. He's slowly getting back to work and sleeping the rest of the time.
I haven't decided if he's sleeping so much cause he's tired or depressed. I'm leaning towards the latter so I'll be keeping a close eye on him. Don't tell him that if you see him though.
*************************************************
No word from Haiti yet. I was told they only check email once or twice a week so I'm trying to be patient. It's hard.
*************************************************
Last basketball weekend for this season. We're going to divide and conquer again, but it generally works out ok. I've really enjoyed watching the kids play this year. They're just so stinkin' cute...don't tell Elijah that though. He's a 5th grader and can't be "cute" anymore.
*************************************************
I went to see The Music Man tonight with my lovely friend, Nancy. It was wonderful. I so enjoy theater and every time I go to something I remember why, but I don't go nearly enough.
*************************************************
I'm all over the place in this post. Lots of things on my mind.
I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend at some point...say in 15 years or so...hopefully not quite that long.
It only kept him home for about 2 1/2 days, though. He's slowly getting back to work and sleeping the rest of the time.
I haven't decided if he's sleeping so much cause he's tired or depressed. I'm leaning towards the latter so I'll be keeping a close eye on him. Don't tell him that if you see him though.
*************************************************
No word from Haiti yet. I was told they only check email once or twice a week so I'm trying to be patient. It's hard.
*************************************************
Last basketball weekend for this season. We're going to divide and conquer again, but it generally works out ok. I've really enjoyed watching the kids play this year. They're just so stinkin' cute...don't tell Elijah that though. He's a 5th grader and can't be "cute" anymore.
*************************************************
I went to see The Music Man tonight with my lovely friend, Nancy. It was wonderful. I so enjoy theater and every time I go to something I remember why, but I don't go nearly enough.
*************************************************
I'm all over the place in this post. Lots of things on my mind.
I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend at some point...say in 15 years or so...hopefully not quite that long.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
He what?
"Your husband just broke his arm."
"You're kidding me."
"No, I'm not."
Not the phone call I was planning on getting yesterday.
My super studly hubs was maxing out on the clean with a friend. He PRed, went for one more and bumped his elbow on the the knee when he caught it and SNAP. His radius was now in 2 pieces.
It could have been a bit of a scramble to find someone to take the kids for the afternoon, but because we have the most fabulous friends ever, they were taken care of in a matter of 5 minutes. Katie was here in a few minutes and Natasha took them for the afternoon. I was able to get over to the Y 10 minutes after I got the call. That's whatcha call amazing.
The EMS got Chad put in an air cast and I took him to our doctor for an X-ray. One look and the doc. sent us to an ortho doctor. Said he thought surgery would be needed. He was right.
We went straight to the ortho and he scheduled surgery for this morning at 10. Again, our friends jumped in! We have dinner and even lunch (BONUS!) for the next few days. I'm thinking about breaking my arm next week to keep this going...kidding, kidding...maybe....
Surgery went great. He didn't need a pin in his wrist which means he'll only have a soft cast for 1 week and a hard cast for 2. Really best case scenerio.
I had 2 sweet friends sit with me from pre-op through post-op and they made the time go by so quickly! I had super awesome friends take care of our kiddos all day and dude, did I mention we have food for the next 3 days??
I did. Sorry. That makes me super excited! :-)
Chad will be back doing what he does, which is entirely too much for one human, in a few short days I'm sure. He has thankfully not been in much pain through it all and has been in good spirits, overall.
He is, of course, super bummed cause he's going to have to rehab and it will set him back on his personal workouts some. I'm betting it won't much though. The CrossFit Open started today, which is the real wrench in this. He was registered to compete and is already talking about doing whatever the workouts are one-armed. I don't doubt that he'll give it a go.
I think I married a robot. A good lookin', kind, funny, brilliant robot, but a robot, nontheless.
"You're kidding me."
"No, I'm not."
Not the phone call I was planning on getting yesterday.
My super studly hubs was maxing out on the clean with a friend. He PRed, went for one more and bumped his elbow on the the knee when he caught it and SNAP. His radius was now in 2 pieces.
It could have been a bit of a scramble to find someone to take the kids for the afternoon, but because we have the most fabulous friends ever, they were taken care of in a matter of 5 minutes. Katie was here in a few minutes and Natasha took them for the afternoon. I was able to get over to the Y 10 minutes after I got the call. That's whatcha call amazing.
The EMS got Chad put in an air cast and I took him to our doctor for an X-ray. One look and the doc. sent us to an ortho doctor. Said he thought surgery would be needed. He was right.
We went straight to the ortho and he scheduled surgery for this morning at 10. Again, our friends jumped in! We have dinner and even lunch (BONUS!) for the next few days. I'm thinking about breaking my arm next week to keep this going...kidding, kidding...maybe....
Surgery went great. He didn't need a pin in his wrist which means he'll only have a soft cast for 1 week and a hard cast for 2. Really best case scenerio.
I had 2 sweet friends sit with me from pre-op through post-op and they made the time go by so quickly! I had super awesome friends take care of our kiddos all day and dude, did I mention we have food for the next 3 days??
I did. Sorry. That makes me super excited! :-)
Chad will be back doing what he does, which is entirely too much for one human, in a few short days I'm sure. He has thankfully not been in much pain through it all and has been in good spirits, overall.
He is, of course, super bummed cause he's going to have to rehab and it will set him back on his personal workouts some. I'm betting it won't much though. The CrossFit Open started today, which is the real wrench in this. He was registered to compete and is already talking about doing whatever the workouts are one-armed. I don't doubt that he'll give it a go.
I think I married a robot. A good lookin', kind, funny, brilliant robot, but a robot, nontheless.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Letter
I was able to get an email address to Nadine, who is Pastor and Lucy's daughter...here is the letter I wrote to her. Some day, I hope our Haiti babies will be able to read this and see that they were loved long before they came to us!
***************************************************
Our families have a long history together. My grandparents, Willie and Marge Dahlke were missionaries in Haiti years ago and got to know your parents very well. Since that time my parents, Pastor Jim and Claudia Dahlke, have been in touch with Pastor and Lucy and many others in the Lutheran Church in Haiti over the years. I can't tell you how my family hurt for yours when we heard of your father's death. I grew up hearing stories of his faithfulness and courage in spreading the Gospel in Haiti and our family grieved for your family and for all those in Haiti who lost such a wonderful man.
From a very early age, I loved Haiti. I will never forget meeting Israel and Thomas when they came to the seminary. I was just a young girl, but loved them immediately and they were so good natured in letting me hold their hands, sit on their laps and love on them.
Many years have passed and I have been married to Chad for almost 12 years and we have 4 children-Elijah is 11, Autumn is 9 (her middle name is Nadine!), Cory is 6 and Caleb is 3. We are very blessed!
From early on in our marriage, we would occasionally talk about adopting at some point. For many years, it was simply talk and no more. Recently, however, we felt moved to act and begin the process of adoption.
Haiti is where my heart is. This may sound strange, but I have often prayed for our children there. I did not know who they were, where they lived or even if they were born yet! What I did believe is that they were meant to be ours. We have an open heart and home to bring a sibling group of any ages to our home in Kansas.
With the history my family has with yours, I felt it only right to send you a letter and not only tell you of our plans, but to ask for your prayers and any assistance you may be able to give us as we go through this process. My mother mentioned that your husband, George, is a lawyer and may be able to offer some advice as to the adoption process.
We have not yet chosen an agency to work with. If you know of any that have worked directly with the orphanage in Les Cayes, we would love to know which ones those are. If you have any insight into the children or family units that are at the orphanage, schools or churches, we would love your guidance in that matter, as well.
I would love to keep in touch with you as we continue on. My father is planning a trip to the teach at the seminary this summer and I have hopes to travel with him.
If I am able, I would love to speak with you in person at that time.
God's blessings,
***************************************************
Our families have a long history together. My grandparents, Willie and Marge Dahlke were missionaries in Haiti years ago and got to know your parents very well. Since that time my parents, Pastor Jim and Claudia Dahlke, have been in touch with Pastor and Lucy and many others in the Lutheran Church in Haiti over the years. I can't tell you how my family hurt for yours when we heard of your father's death. I grew up hearing stories of his faithfulness and courage in spreading the Gospel in Haiti and our family grieved for your family and for all those in Haiti who lost such a wonderful man.
From a very early age, I loved Haiti. I will never forget meeting Israel and Thomas when they came to the seminary. I was just a young girl, but loved them immediately and they were so good natured in letting me hold their hands, sit on their laps and love on them.
Many years have passed and I have been married to Chad for almost 12 years and we have 4 children-Elijah is 11, Autumn is 9 (her middle name is Nadine!), Cory is 6 and Caleb is 3. We are very blessed!
From early on in our marriage, we would occasionally talk about adopting at some point. For many years, it was simply talk and no more. Recently, however, we felt moved to act and begin the process of adoption.
Haiti is where my heart is. This may sound strange, but I have often prayed for our children there. I did not know who they were, where they lived or even if they were born yet! What I did believe is that they were meant to be ours. We have an open heart and home to bring a sibling group of any ages to our home in Kansas.
With the history my family has with yours, I felt it only right to send you a letter and not only tell you of our plans, but to ask for your prayers and any assistance you may be able to give us as we go through this process. My mother mentioned that your husband, George, is a lawyer and may be able to offer some advice as to the adoption process.
We have not yet chosen an agency to work with. If you know of any that have worked directly with the orphanage in Les Cayes, we would love to know which ones those are. If you have any insight into the children or family units that are at the orphanage, schools or churches, we would love your guidance in that matter, as well.
I would love to keep in touch with you as we continue on. My father is planning a trip to the teach at the seminary this summer and I have hopes to travel with him.
If I am able, I would love to speak with you in person at that time.
God's blessings,
Research, pray, research, pray...
Aside from the normal day-day activities like work, schooling, cleaning, exercise, cooking, of course.
So far I've found quite a few organizations that provide grants for international adoption. Getting just one of those would be so helpful. Most require you to have already done a home study already.
We haven't applied with an adoption agency yet. The reason being is that I'm putting together a letter with our information to be sent to our family acquaintance who is a lawyer. I am curious as to how they may be able to help and I don't want to pay an agency without knowing what, if any, advice he can give us.
In other news...Elijah had a basketball tournament this weekend so we watched a lot of ball and spent alot of time wasting time. We blew a tire yesterday in between games and had to get 2 replaced. Apparently our alignment is way off and it destroyed our 2 back tires. The upside of this is that we have a little extra money right now so that was nice.
So, a car repair is in our weekly schedule now.
So far I've found quite a few organizations that provide grants for international adoption. Getting just one of those would be so helpful. Most require you to have already done a home study already.
We haven't applied with an adoption agency yet. The reason being is that I'm putting together a letter with our information to be sent to our family acquaintance who is a lawyer. I am curious as to how they may be able to help and I don't want to pay an agency without knowing what, if any, advice he can give us.
In other news...Elijah had a basketball tournament this weekend so we watched a lot of ball and spent alot of time wasting time. We blew a tire yesterday in between games and had to get 2 replaced. Apparently our alignment is way off and it destroyed our 2 back tires. The upside of this is that we have a little extra money right now so that was nice.
So, a car repair is in our weekly schedule now.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Elijah
Sensitive
Respectful
Helpful
Compassionate
Athletic
Honest
Competitive
Kind
Introspective
Humorous
Hardworking
He's 11 today...and we couldn't be more proud of the young man he is becoming.
Respectful
Helpful
Compassionate
Athletic
Honest
Competitive
Kind
Introspective
Humorous
Hardworking
He's 11 today...and we couldn't be more proud of the young man he is becoming.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Baby steps and a leap of faith
I don't think I ever really understood the term, "leap of faith" til this past week.
We're completely blind to what will happen with adopting from Haiti. I hesitate even saying that's what we're doing because we're so early on and haven't even applied with an agency or put a dime towards it.
The truth is we live blind every day, but for some reason we seem to think we know what will happen day to day for the most part. We plan our days going from one activity or appointment to the next not terribly concerned about the "unknown."
I have this vision of us standing on a cliff with no visibility as to what is below us, and we just jump, with no fear. A true leap of faith.
So here's our progress so far...I got in touch with one agency to see if they would work with the orphanage that we would like to adopt from. They will as long as it's licensed and reputable(which it is.)
I also spoke with the man, Dick, who is instrumental in running the Haiti Lutheran Mission Society. He has known my family for decades and was very good friends with my grandpa. He is going to Haiti the end of March and said he would get as much information for us as he can. Lucy is Pastor Louis's widow and their son-in-law is a lawyer in Haiti and Dick will also be speaking with him. My hope is that we can work directly with him to find our children! Crazy, right??
Hope is a beautiful thing. We have much hope today.
We're completely blind to what will happen with adopting from Haiti. I hesitate even saying that's what we're doing because we're so early on and haven't even applied with an agency or put a dime towards it.
The truth is we live blind every day, but for some reason we seem to think we know what will happen day to day for the most part. We plan our days going from one activity or appointment to the next not terribly concerned about the "unknown."
I have this vision of us standing on a cliff with no visibility as to what is below us, and we just jump, with no fear. A true leap of faith.
So here's our progress so far...I got in touch with one agency to see if they would work with the orphanage that we would like to adopt from. They will as long as it's licensed and reputable(which it is.)
I also spoke with the man, Dick, who is instrumental in running the Haiti Lutheran Mission Society. He has known my family for decades and was very good friends with my grandpa. He is going to Haiti the end of March and said he would get as much information for us as he can. Lucy is Pastor Louis's widow and their son-in-law is a lawyer in Haiti and Dick will also be speaking with him. My hope is that we can work directly with him to find our children! Crazy, right??
Hope is a beautiful thing. We have much hope today.
Monday, February 13, 2012
There is a stirring...
in my soul.
I first fell in love with Haiti at an early age. My grandparents were missionaries there and helped bring men to the US to go to seminary training so they could go back to Haiti as pastors and spread the Gospel to their people.
I must have been 8 or 9 when I first met Israel and Thomas, 2 young men going to seminary in Fort Wayne, IN.
Oh, I loved them at first sight. I was particularly draw to Israel. He had the most beautiful smile and he didn't mind that I wanted to always hold his hand or hug him.
I met these 2 men just so very briefly, but our family has always kept in touch with friends in Haiti who are involved with the Lutheran church there.
Haiti Lutheran Mission Society is an organization here in the states that raises money specifically for the Lutheran church in Haiti. They help fund 5 churches, 4 schools, an orphanage, a medical clinic, and a seminary. My dad has gone to their seminary in Port Au Prince twice to teach a course.
There has always been a part of me that loves this little country so ravaged by corruption, violence, disease and poverty. I grew up hearing beautiful stories of God's grace in the lives of many of those we know there.
Chad and I have talked over the years on and off about adoption. It's always been talk. No action.
There is a good bit of fear of the unknown when you start walking down this path. Lots of questions.
How can we afford this?
How will it affect our children?
Will we be able to raise them faithfully?
I have thought about adopting from Haiti forever. This may sound completely crazy, and I can't even say it without crying, but I believe we have children in Haiti that are meant to be ours. I always have. And I do mean children, not child. Siblings, cousins, more then one.
I so desperately want to bring them home. I have prayed for them for years.
Every few months, I am just overcome with emotion about them. Different things trigger it. This particular time was a book my sister Ang gave me.
Please read it. It's called Kisses from Katie and it's by Katie Davis. If it doesn't make you cry and move you to do something, anything for the millions of poverty-striken children of the world, I don't know what will. It is an enormous testament of God's faithfulness and power when we say yes.
This idea of actually adopting is very foreign to my husband. He's a planner, details kind of guy and the amount of money it would cost concerns him. We've talked again about just taking the first steps. Getting as much information as we can now. Praying alot. Getting in touch with those we know in Haiti.
I'm so nervous and emotional about this. We will have to do some saving and fundraising. I think we both agree that the idea of adoption only makes us pause because of the money. I don't want that to be the thing that stops us so we'll pray and work and save and take those first steps...who knows what doors God will open.
I first fell in love with Haiti at an early age. My grandparents were missionaries there and helped bring men to the US to go to seminary training so they could go back to Haiti as pastors and spread the Gospel to their people.
I must have been 8 or 9 when I first met Israel and Thomas, 2 young men going to seminary in Fort Wayne, IN.
Oh, I loved them at first sight. I was particularly draw to Israel. He had the most beautiful smile and he didn't mind that I wanted to always hold his hand or hug him.
I met these 2 men just so very briefly, but our family has always kept in touch with friends in Haiti who are involved with the Lutheran church there.
Haiti Lutheran Mission Society is an organization here in the states that raises money specifically for the Lutheran church in Haiti. They help fund 5 churches, 4 schools, an orphanage, a medical clinic, and a seminary. My dad has gone to their seminary in Port Au Prince twice to teach a course.
There has always been a part of me that loves this little country so ravaged by corruption, violence, disease and poverty. I grew up hearing beautiful stories of God's grace in the lives of many of those we know there.
Chad and I have talked over the years on and off about adoption. It's always been talk. No action.
There is a good bit of fear of the unknown when you start walking down this path. Lots of questions.
How can we afford this?
How will it affect our children?
Will we be able to raise them faithfully?
I have thought about adopting from Haiti forever. This may sound completely crazy, and I can't even say it without crying, but I believe we have children in Haiti that are meant to be ours. I always have. And I do mean children, not child. Siblings, cousins, more then one.
I so desperately want to bring them home. I have prayed for them for years.
Every few months, I am just overcome with emotion about them. Different things trigger it. This particular time was a book my sister Ang gave me.
Please read it. It's called Kisses from Katie and it's by Katie Davis. If it doesn't make you cry and move you to do something, anything for the millions of poverty-striken children of the world, I don't know what will. It is an enormous testament of God's faithfulness and power when we say yes.
This idea of actually adopting is very foreign to my husband. He's a planner, details kind of guy and the amount of money it would cost concerns him. We've talked again about just taking the first steps. Getting as much information as we can now. Praying alot. Getting in touch with those we know in Haiti.
I'm so nervous and emotional about this. We will have to do some saving and fundraising. I think we both agree that the idea of adoption only makes us pause because of the money. I don't want that to be the thing that stops us so we'll pray and work and save and take those first steps...who knows what doors God will open.
Finito!
Es terminado!
C'est fini!
Es ist fertig gestellt!
It's finished!
I'm so happy I decided to speak in different languages!
We're done with the shower tiling.
Here are a few final pics to enjoy...
It's kinda hard to tell, but he's soaked.
I have a confession to make.
He cut tiles for about 6 hours on Super Bowl Sunday.
What kind of wife asks that of her football-loving husband?!?!? The humanity!! The cruelty!!
He didn't hardly complain at all.
Cutting tiles is not fun. You get sprayed with gallons of water, tile chips and clay-like stuff each time you make a cut. He was a trooper and we got all but a few for the edge around the corner done in one day. He cut. I put them up. This was not really all that fun either, but at least I wasn't get sprayed in the face with tile debris.
We took FOREVER to get this project done, but I really do like how it turned out. Don't look too close if you're ever in the shower though. Lots of uneven tiles.
These pics are pre-caulked. I just did that yesterday. We still can't shower til Saturday, but we're all pretty used to bathing, old-school style now anyway.
I'll give the hubs a break for awhile, but I'm pretty anxious to get the floor done. Don't tell him.
C'est fini!
Es ist fertig gestellt!
It's finished!
I'm so happy I decided to speak in different languages!
We're done with the shower tiling.
Here are a few final pics to enjoy...
I have a confession to make.
He cut tiles for about 6 hours on Super Bowl Sunday.
What kind of wife asks that of her football-loving husband?!?!? The humanity!! The cruelty!!
He didn't hardly complain at all.
Cutting tiles is not fun. You get sprayed with gallons of water, tile chips and clay-like stuff each time you make a cut. He was a trooper and we got all but a few for the edge around the corner done in one day. He cut. I put them up. This was not really all that fun either, but at least I wasn't get sprayed in the face with tile debris.
We took FOREVER to get this project done, but I really do like how it turned out. Don't look too close if you're ever in the shower though. Lots of uneven tiles.
These pics are pre-caulked. I just did that yesterday. We still can't shower til Saturday, but we're all pretty used to bathing, old-school style now anyway.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Shower progress
I'm not a professional, but I'm liking how it's coming along.
We went ahead and demo-ed all the drywall out. We had some concerns as to what was behind that outside wall because we had insulation blown in this summer and didn't want it all over the place. Turned out after asking the right person, that there was rolled out insulation closest to the wall so we were good!
We then used roofing felt to line the walls as a vapor barrier. If we were to do this again I would use plastic sheeting. The roofing felt was difficult to manuever and staple into the studs. It worked out fine, but was harder to use then plastic I think.
Then we put up the cement board which took a couple nights. It's wasn't terribly difficult, just a lot of measuring, scouring and drilling.
Then I taped the seams and applied thin-set mortar over the tape.
We went ahead and demo-ed all the drywall out. We had some concerns as to what was behind that outside wall because we had insulation blown in this summer and didn't want it all over the place. Turned out after asking the right person, that there was rolled out insulation closest to the wall so we were good!
Max felt the need to "help"
After a full day+ to dry I started laying up the tile.
This is by far the messiest part (I'm messy with all things home-improvement related), but not hard to do at all. Our walls are not level or even so I've had to just do the best I can to get them to look nice. I'm done laying all the tiles that I don't have to cut so now we experiment with cutting tiles!
It's been fun and a good learning experience and I can't til it done! :)
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