Letter

I was able to get an email address to Nadine, who is Pastor and Lucy's daughter...here is the letter I wrote to her.  Some day, I hope our Haiti babies will be able to read this and see that they were loved long before they came to us!
***************************************************
Our families have a long history together. My grandparents, Willie and Marge Dahlke were missionaries in Haiti years ago and got to know your parents very well. Since that time my parents, Pastor Jim and Claudia Dahlke, have been in touch with Pastor and Lucy and many others in the Lutheran Church in Haiti over the years. I can't tell you how my family hurt for yours when we heard of your father's death. I grew up hearing stories of his faithfulness and courage in spreading the Gospel in Haiti and our family grieved for your family and for all those in Haiti who lost such a wonderful man.

From a very early age, I loved Haiti. I will never forget meeting Israel and Thomas when they came to the seminary. I was just a young girl, but loved them immediately and they were so good natured in letting me hold their hands, sit on their laps and love on them.
Many years have passed and I have been married to Chad for almost 12 years and we have 4 children-Elijah is 11, Autumn is 9 (her middle name is Nadine!), Cory is 6 and Caleb is 3. We are very blessed!
From early on in our marriage, we would occasionally talk about adopting at some point. For many years, it was simply talk and no more. Recently, however, we felt moved to act and begin the process of adoption.
Haiti is where my heart is. This may sound strange, but I have often prayed for our children there. I did not know who they were, where they lived or even if they were born yet! What I did believe is that they were meant to be ours. We have an open heart and home to bring a sibling group of any ages to our home in Kansas.
With the history my family has with yours, I felt it only right to send you a letter and not only tell you of our plans, but to ask for your prayers and any assistance you may be able to give us as we go through this process. My mother mentioned that your husband, George, is a lawyer and may be able to offer some advice as to the adoption process.
We have not yet chosen an agency to work with. If you know of any that have worked directly with the orphanage in Les Cayes, we would love to know which ones those are. If you have any insight into the children or family units that are at the orphanage, schools or churches, we would love your guidance in that matter, as well.
I would love to keep in touch with you as we continue on. My father is planning a trip to the teach at the seminary this summer and I have hopes to travel with him.
If I am able, I would love to speak with you in person at that time.


God's blessings,

Research, pray, research, pray...

Aside from the normal day-day activities like work, schooling, cleaning, exercise, cooking, of course.
So far I've found quite a few organizations that provide grants for international adoption.  Getting just one of those would be so helpful.  Most require you to have already done a home study already. 
We haven't applied with an adoption agency yet.  The reason being is that I'm putting together a letter with our information to be sent to our family acquaintance who is a lawyer.  I am curious as to how they may be able to help and I don't want to pay an agency without knowing what, if any, advice he can give us.
In other news...Elijah had a basketball tournament this weekend so we watched a lot of ball and spent alot of time wasting time.  We blew a tire yesterday in between games and had to get 2 replaced.  Apparently our alignment is way off and it destroyed our 2 back tires.  The upside of this is that we have a little extra money right now so that was nice.
So, a car repair is in our weekly schedule now.

Elijah

Sensitive
Respectful
Helpful

Compassionate
Athletic
Honest

Competitive
Kind
Introspective
Humorous
Hardworking

He's 11 today...and we couldn't be more proud of the young man he is becoming.

Baby steps and a leap of faith

I don't think I ever really understood the term, "leap of faith" til this past week.
We're completely blind to what will happen with adopting from Haiti.  I hesitate even saying that's what we're doing because we're so early on and haven't even applied with an agency or put a dime towards it. 
The truth is we live blind every day, but for some reason we seem to think we know what will happen day to day for the most part.  We plan our days going from one activity or appointment to the next not terribly concerned about the "unknown."
I have this vision of us standing on a cliff with no visibility as to what is below us, and we just jump, with no fear.  A true leap of faith.
So here's our progress so far...I got in touch with one agency to see if they would work with the orphanage that we would like to adopt from.  They will as long as it's licensed and reputable(which it is.)
I also spoke with the man, Dick, who is instrumental in running the Haiti Lutheran Mission Society.  He has known my family for decades and was very good friends with my grandpa.  He is going to Haiti the end of March and said he would get as much information for us as he can. Lucy is Pastor Louis's widow and their son-in-law is a lawyer in Haiti and Dick will also be speaking with him.  My hope is that we can work directly with him to find our children!  Crazy, right??
Hope is a beautiful thing.  We have much hope today.

There is a stirring...

in my soul.
I first fell in love with Haiti at an early age.  My grandparents were missionaries there and helped bring men to the US to go to seminary training so they could go back to Haiti as pastors and spread the Gospel to their people.
I must have been 8 or 9 when I first met Israel and Thomas, 2 young men going to seminary in Fort Wayne, IN. 
Oh, I loved them at first sight.  I was particularly draw to Israel.  He had the most beautiful smile and he didn't mind that I wanted to always hold his hand or hug him.
I met these 2 men just so very briefly, but our family has always kept in touch with friends in Haiti who are involved with the Lutheran church there. 
Haiti Lutheran Mission Society is an organization here in the states that raises money specifically for the Lutheran church in Haiti. They help fund 5 churches, 4 schools, an orphanage, a medical clinic, and a seminary. My dad has gone to their seminary in Port Au Prince twice to teach a course. 
There has always been a part of me that loves this little country so ravaged by corruption, violence, disease and poverty.  I grew up hearing beautiful stories of God's grace in the lives of many of those we know there. 
Chad and I have talked over the years on and off about adoption.  It's always been talk.  No action. 
There is a good bit of fear of the unknown when you start walking down this path.  Lots of questions.
How can we afford this?
How will it affect our children?
Will we be able to raise them faithfully?
I have thought about adopting from Haiti forever.  This may sound completely crazy, and I can't even say it without crying, but I believe we have children in Haiti that are meant to be ours.  I always have.  And I do mean children, not child.  Siblings, cousins, more then one.
I so desperately want to bring them home.  I have prayed for them for years. 
Every few months, I am just overcome with emotion about them.  Different things trigger it.  This particular time was a book my sister Ang gave me. 
Please read it.  It's called Kisses from Katie and it's by Katie Davis.  If it doesn't make you cry and move you to do something, anything for the millions of poverty-striken children of the world, I don't know what will.  It is an enormous testament of God's faithfulness and power when we say yes.
This idea of actually adopting is very foreign to my husband.  He's a planner, details kind of guy and the amount of money it would cost concerns him.  We've talked again about just taking the first steps.  Getting as much information as we can now.  Praying alot.  Getting in touch with those we know in Haiti.
I'm so nervous and emotional about this.  We will have to do some saving and fundraising.  I think we both agree that the idea of adoption only makes us pause because of the money.  I don't want that to be the thing that stops us so we'll pray and work and save and take those first steps...who knows what doors God will open.

Finito!

Es terminado!
C'est fini!
Es ist fertig gestellt!
It's finished!

I'm so happy I decided to speak in different languages!
We're done with the shower tiling. 
Here are a few final pics to enjoy...

It's kinda hard to tell, but he's soaked. 
I have a confession to make. 
He cut tiles for about 6 hours on Super Bowl Sunday.
What kind of wife asks that of her football-loving husband?!?!?  The humanity!!  The cruelty!!
He didn't hardly complain at all. 
Cutting tiles is not fun.  You get sprayed with gallons of water, tile chips and clay-like stuff each time you make a cut.  He was a trooper and we got all but a few for the edge around the corner done in one day.  He cut. I put them up.  This was not really all that fun either, but at least I wasn't get sprayed in the face with tile debris.
We took FOREVER to get this project done, but I really do like how it turned out.  Don't look too close if you're ever in the shower though.  Lots of uneven tiles.
These pics are pre-caulked.  I just did that yesterday.  We still can't shower til Saturday, but we're all pretty used to bathing, old-school style now anyway.

I'll give the hubs a break for awhile, but I'm pretty anxious to get the floor done.  Don't tell him.

Shower progress

I'm not a professional, but I'm liking how it's coming along. 
We went ahead and demo-ed all the drywall out.  We had some concerns as to what was behind that outside wall because we had insulation blown in this summer and didn't want it all over the place.  Turned out after asking the right person, that there was rolled out insulation closest to the wall so we were good!

We then used roofing felt to line the walls as a vapor barrier.  If we were to do this again I would use plastic sheeting.  The roofing felt was difficult to manuever and staple into the studs.  It worked out fine, but was harder to use then plastic I think.

Then we put up the cement board which took a couple nights.  It's wasn't terribly difficult, just a lot of measuring, scouring and drilling. 

 Max felt the need to "help"

Then I taped the seams and applied thin-set mortar over the tape.

After a full day+ to dry I started laying up the tile. 

This is by far the messiest part (I'm messy with all things home-improvement related), but not hard to do at all.  Our walls are not level or even so I've had to just do the best I can to get them to look nice.  I'm done laying all the tiles that I don't have to cut so now we experiment with cutting tiles!

It's been fun and a good learning experience and I can't til it done! :)

Numerals

1. I ADORE healthy children.  You know, the obnoxious, quarrelsome,  rebellious, loud kind. 
2. I revel in beautiful sun-shiny days that said healthy children can go play in.
3. I admire my daughter for being able to whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies that are AMAZING with NO help from me.
4. I love it when leftovers taste better then the first go round.
5. My hip flexors hurt.
6. I cut my baby's hair. It makes me cry.  Sorry the video is sideways.
I sent this video to my dad who is the "BALD grandpa." He thought Caleb said "balls" rather then BALD.  I think balls would have been much funnier!!

I fake cried for a good hour after.mostly because Caleb would run up to me and hug me and say, "Mom, Mommy, it's ok.  I'll still be your baby."
WWWAAHHHHH!!!!

Sick babies, sleep deprivation and gratitude

We've been super fortunate healthwise this winter, if you want to call it a winter.  Hard to believe "winter" means 50 degree weather most days.
I will forever compare our illnesses to the winter of 2010-2011, which was actually a legitimate winter with snow and below 0 temps.  We were sick for 3+ months straight.  It was painful and depressing.
We've got a bout of the flu making it's rounds now and it's ok.  I don't like it when they're sick.  It means sleepless nights for us all, tears, pain and discomfort. But they let me snuggle with them and they'll get better.  We'll ride this out and be ok soon.
Having sick kids for a few days ALWAYS makes me appreciate that I have healthy kids 99 % of the time.  I may lose sleep going from one child to the next all night, but some parents do that every night for months or years. 
It's so easy to fall into the "poor me" syndrome when kids are sick, plans have to be changed and you're stuck at home for days at a time.  I've been there. 
What I've found to work much better is to hug them and kiss them, watch movies with them and thank God that they will be back to their normal, destructive, obnoxious, loud selves soon.

 

We're dropping like flies.

Elijah was sick from Saturday til Tuesday.
Good ole' fashion flu symptoms.
Achy, weak, headache, fever.
Sent him to school healthy yesterday.
Cory wakes up this a.m. with the same symptoms and Caleb joined the party this afternoon.
I'm feeling it coming on, as well. 
Not sure if it's sympathy pains or not.  Hoping so and not the real deal.
When we get something like this going on, I kinda feel like I want everyone to lick the same glass and just get it over with. 
Except for me.
And Chad.  He doesn't have time to be sick.  He hasn't taken a sick day in 5 years, so I'm gonna bet this one passes him too.

DIY

It's so easy.
All you have to do is tear out some walls, put some new walls up, lay some mastic, some tile, grout it and WAH-LA you have a newly tiled shower!
HAHA!! 
This is our first project as homeowners. 
I'd be lying if I didn't say I've lost some sleep over it.  We weren't really planning on doing this one for a few months, but a water spot on our kitchen ceiling had us running to Lowes ASAP!
I just don't want to screw it up.
It's just a tiled shower, right? 
No big deal!
This may take us weeks...I'll take a few pictures along the way.

When the tides change

Have you ever watched a tide go in or out? 

I lived near a beach for 4 years of my life and I loved it.
There is something about that ocean smell, the sand, the sound of  the waves crashing.
It's serene in it's constant movement.
Those waves are always changing the landscape above and below. 
With each rise and fall, the beach changes, the ocean changes.
Isn't that how mothering is?
These little people change us inside, outside, upside down.  
We have to wrestle with the tides that come and go. 
Every. Single. Day.
We struggle with maintaining an identity, our sanity, our relationships.  We have to weather the tantrums, attitudes and fears.
Those waves can be rough. 
What seems to happen somewhere along the line is the tides, the inevitable changes, become less worrisome. 
You know they will come and go.  You know this tide of having young children will soon turn and bring with it a whole new set of waves.
I've been through an actual hurricane and have seen how much damage waves can make. But those daily tides can wear us down too, emotionally or physically, and sometimes we have to weather a hurricane and hunker down and call in for some sand bags. 

None of this parenting stuff is easy.  Even in the very best moments, I know I'm raising these children to at some point leave me.  And at some moments, that point cannot come soon enough. 

They create the most massive waves in our lives.  We don't know how big they will be, how much they will change the landscape, or if they will create a category 4 hurricane someday, but somewhere along the line, there is a sense of peace and confidence that settles in that we're going to be able to weather whatever comes our way. 

Not because we do everything right, or know what to do in every situation, but because we don't and we're all still here. 

And, wow, being in the presence of those beautiful waves and peaceful breezes that come, the smiles and giggles, the cuddles and naps, if even for a moment, seem to make those waves and hurricanes bearable.

My baby

just informed me that he does not want to be my baby anymore.
Me: "Well, who is going to be my baby now?"
Caleb: "Cory or Elijah can."
Me: "I don't think they will."
Caleb: "Yes, they will say sure."
Me: "Go ask them."
Caleb runs off to ask and comes back.
Caleb: "They said no."
Me: "Well, now who is going to be my baby."
Caleb: "You can just get one at the store.  I just can't be your baby.  I'm a big boy now."
Me: "Sigh" Sad face :(

Wings

Do you remember Wings?

The 90s sitcom about pilot brothers from Nantucket.

Joe and Brian, Helen, Fay and Roy.  And Lowell. Oh Lowell.
I LOVED it.
I still love it.
The whole series is on Netflix.
I'm going to be so sad when I'm done.
It makes me LOL...
The episode when Helen gets her wisdom teeth pulled and can't talk! 
A RIOT!

Today...

is one of those days that I never forget.
In 9 years, I've never forgotten what today is.
Some birthdays, anniversaries, important dates sneak up on me.
This day never does.
Luke passed away 9 years ago.
Some Jan. 10ths have held lots of tears.  Others a heavy heart.  Some have been so busy, I don't have much time to settle in to the sadness.
I don't really know what today holds.

I miss him.

Batman

So, we've had this running theme in our house for awhile now. 
Chad is Batman.
I'm not sure how it started exactly, but I'm gonna guess Chad said one day, "I'm Batman." and Cory started to argue with him that he couldn't REALLY be Batman and Chad gave him all the right answers and therefore Cory may or may not believe that Chad is actually Batman.
And, then Caleb catches on and starts calling Chad Batman and himself BatBaby and 'round and 'round we go.
It's cute.
And just plain hilarious when you hear Cory and Caleb discussing how their dad could be Batman.
Autumn and I made this for Cory for Christmas. 

It makes me smile.
I hope he remembers that he can call his dad anytime long after he realizes his dad isn't actually Batman.

Things I always knew about myself...

1. I am a horrible passenger. 
2. I love listening to NPR while I'm driving.
3. I really like being with the hubs.  We act like teenagers.
4. I wholeheartedly trust my loved ones to take care of my kids.
5. I sleep really well in hotels with good mattresses.
6. I DO NOT like Dallas traffic.
7. I do not like cable TV.
8. I start missing my kids about an hour from home, but not too much before then...
9. I love football.
10. Being able to watch your friends be successful is just as rewarding as being successful yourself.

This weekend was great for so many reasons. 
The majority of our days and time are spent taking care of other people and working.  Very rarely do we get the chance to do things on our own time with or without each other. 
I'm OK with that.  I know it's the season we're in with younger children, activities, jobs, etc, but it sure makes those few days here and there all the more meaningful.
It's not easy to get schedules rearranged and children taken care of, but it's sure worth it!

Fabulous Frisco

Tomorrow is the day.
The day we go to Frisco.
I have way to much to do to express how excited I am.
I'm pumped.

31

This may be my all-time favorite picture of the hubs and I.

I super-love us in our 30s

 (although I think he was only 29 in this pic)

We're so much more mature at 30+.

HA!!

I think that's WHY I super-love us in our 30s cause we're not!

This picture speaks to just a few very important qualities about my significant other.

1. He lets me think I'm in charge.  

2. He clearly loves my silliness.

3. He's a lover, not a fighter.

4. Don't let the passive facial expression fool you...He's plotting on how to take me down.

5. He looks super sexy with facial hair.

6. You can't see it, but I'm pretty sure his right hand is grabbing...

Well, that might be too much information for you.

Sorry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHAD!!

New Year

Happy New Year!
I don't do resolutions. 
Sorry. 
I know they're really popular, but I prefer to just passively look at how much at suck at certain things and think about them for awhile and then go about my day. 
I super admire people who actually stick to their resolutions, but I have an innate distaste for not following through with something, which would make one assume that I'm a go-getter, get things done kind of gal, when in fact I often just lose interest and quit.
And so, New Years' resolutions make me go blah, but in the spirit of this 2012 here is my one resolution:
I make a resolution to resolve to resolutely every day try to not suck at the things I generally suck at.