Girlfriends fill a space in our life that no one really can. Our husbands can't. Our kids can't. Our moms can't. Our sisters can't. Those each have their own value, but a good girlfriend who is your friend by choice and you are their friend by choice has it's own special place in the world.
Truth is, it's not easy having friends or being a friend sometimes. It may seem easier to just truck along, head down, family, work, activities, etc. Go, go, go. This time in life when we are growing kids and/or growing careers or pursuing dreams and we run 32 different directions on any given day, it makes it difficult to stop and rearrange a schedule for a genuine conversation. A real "how are you?" with real time to listen to the answer. It's easy to let those relationships slide because there are so many other things that we invest in. Yet, I am reminded over and over and over again, how much those friendships matter. I have experienced the return on that investment. Truth is,sometimes, life is super hard. Debilitating. Devastating. And you need a tribe. But that tribe doesn't exist without some investment. It's in the random coffee dates, text messages to stay connected, porch nights, road trips, quick conversations in a parking lot and the waves as we pass each other on the street. It says we care and we see. I have people that choose to invest in me in moments, in passing or in chunks. That is humbling to say the least. I do not take those efforts for granted and I remember that when maybe it would take some adjusting in my day to find a moment to catch up. Because these moments build a mountain of moments that build a foundation.
I am certain I have not been and am not the best of friends all the time. I don't always say the right things or do the right things and sometimes I just flat out do or say the wrong things. Friendships can get muddled or difficult by a whole host of situations or experiences, and sometimes that changes things to much to resolve. I've learned much from those moments. Mostly I have learned what grace looks like. I've learned to give grace and receive grace. I've learned where I may have fallen short or where it may not be about me. I've learned to be ok with the things I don't understand and I've learned that I may be just as confusing to someone else. I've learned that, much like any other relationship, friendships can be complicated too.
I've had relationships that I have thought were solid. That I thought we had invested enough to hold and for whatever reason, they don't. They faded. They ceased. They are no more. I wonder about those sometimes. Shifting lives and changing landscapes, it seems. I've learned to let those go, although, a part of those friendships leave traces. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but I hold those relationships close and appreciate the time they lasted. I think it's rare to have a birth to death friend. I think it's healthy and normal to have friendships change as our lives change and I have never regretted the time I invested in a friend. No matter the effort it took. It has been paid back tenfold.
I'm heading to St. Louis next weekend to invest in some girls who have invested much in me. We live all over the Midwest and it takes effort to get together. We had some substantial car problems these past weeks and I didn't think I could make it. I didn't say anything to the group, but mentioned it to one of the girls. What she said resonated with me "You are a very important piece to this group puzzle." This group is a puzzle for sure and if anyone of us isn't there, it just doesn't seem the same. I would feel the same if one of them said they couldn't make it. We all fit together in a hodge podge, love ya til we die, we're all so weird kind of way. Some ties go back to my birth with my cousin. Other ties go back to grade school, high school and college. We have invested much with each other and it's been worth every dime, every second, every road trip to make these weekends work. So, I'm going. It's important. The investment is always worth it.
