This was in many ways the best day and the worst day of the week. It was our final full day in Haiti and I journaled that day that I hated even writing that let alone living it. Knowing we were leaving so soon left us clinging to each moment.
The kids went to school that morning so Chad and I had a slow morning again finishing the puzzle we had started that week before going down for breakfast. Even those moments we just settled in to. It was more time together one on one that we had spent together in probably 20 years. We both really enjoyed it. We had a mango which are the absolute best in Haiti. Then Syl had us come outside and showed us how she was making chakas(sp?) which is a boiled plantain and made into a soup like consistency. It was served warm with bread and it was quite good. I was not feeling very well this morning and my burn had taken on a bright, red infected look so after I did an aloe treatment, I slathered with antibiotic ointment and laid down. Nickson was the only one home this morning so he and Chad spent time together doing a puzzle while I rested. Once I got up, the girls were home and then the real fun started! Dania and I worked on a puzzle while Amessanitha and Chad worked on one. It turned into a bit of a race which was kinda fun.
Syl was making our manba so we helped sort peanuts. Originally, we didn't know what she was working on and the peanuts were red and looked like beans so I thought we were helping with dinner prep. After we crushed them, we realized what we were helping with! The whole process was awesome. We sorted out the bad ones, Syl roasted them, we crushed them, Syl flipped them in a big basket so the layers would fly away, we sorted them again and then she took them to be cooked down. Chad was helping too which she thought was quite funny since I don't think men generally help in the kitchen! The kids were all helping with it all too and we just all spent those hours together working. I loved it.
She also showed us how she was making jou mou soup, which is the traditional Independence Day soup in Haiti. It was so delicious! Maybe my favorite thing all week! Cremas was also getting made at this time which required Syl to crack coconuts, the kids pulled the meat from the shell, and then they spent HOURS shredding it! Josie and the boys got home around this time and helped.
Once the shredding was done, Josie took the meat of it and put it into a cloth and squeezed the milk out!. Then sugar, evaporated milk, sweetened condensed mil, 95% alcohol(which Josie had checked to make sure didn't have ethanol in it!) and lime juice and zest were added to the bucket! Stir, taste, stir, taste. All without modern conveniences like a can opener, or mixer or anything! We were able to get the manba and cremas home to share with people!
That evening, we decided to go see our friend, Jacky, for a little bit. She is one of Josie's closest friends and has been so supportive of the orphanage and Josie over the years. She didn't live far away and we wanted to just go say hi. As we were getting ready to leave, Amessanitha asked how long we would be gone. I immediately questioned if we should go. It was a swirl of emotions and if I could do it over, I don't know that I would have gone. As we drove away, I was feeling just enormous guilt. It was a moment looking back that I think I felt an instinct and went against that instinct. Nothing happened. It wasn't an awful decision, but it wasn't one I would make again. We were gone about an hour and it was nice to see Jacky and visit, but we should have stayed back with the kids.
Once we got back, we asked Josie to translate for us so we could talk to the kids about our leaving the next day. We didn't want to say big goodbyes at church or the airport. It was a gut-wrenching conversation. We told them we had to leave the next day. We told them we loved them before, but this week with them just made us love them even more. Amessanitha was completely dejected, with head down, tears streaming. We spent the next 45 minutes on the couch, close, hugging as we both cried. I used an app to communicate words some. The emotions didn't need any app. We all felt it. The sadness and grief in saying goodbye. It's still hard to talk about even today. We talked about maybe when we could come back. When we thought we would come get them for good. We told her we wanted her to be happy and enjoy school. That we loved her so much. Nickson reacted a little differently and how we expected. He understands whats going on, but I don't think has had the years of understanding and anticipating that Amessanitha has had. He was concerned about her and how upset she was. He and Chad played Jenga and games on his phone while Amessanitha and I cried and talked. After awhile, I asked her if she was ok and if she was ready to go to sleep for the night. She said yes and walked over to Josie in tears. I sat back and watched in awe with still more tears. They have such a beautiful relationship. I cried for Josie then. I have so many thoughts and feelings there for them. I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to express them.
We had devotions and good nights. More tears and hugs. I was so overwhelmed with how traumatic this all for for everyone. I hated this part. Who leaves their kids? They are our children and the next day, we would just board a plane, not knowing when we would return. I really struggled with that.
Sunday we woke up, got ready for church and headed out. We stayed close to the kids all morning. As soon as church was over, the kids, Josie and Chad and I got into the truck and headed to the airport. Josie had A and N come into the airport with us while we checked our bags and she parked. It was brilliant on her part. They had never been in the airport before and the next time they probably would be is when we come get them for good. Now at least they have seen a little of that first process. We walked to security and again said our goodbyes quietly. Tight hugs and promises to video call each week.
Our flight ended up being delayed a few hours out which was frustrating since we could have been with them longer. At that point, we both felt I think that we wanted to get home and hurry up the next part.
Home again, next...
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Friday
This day came with much expectation and a little bit of nerves. We had our appointment with IBESR, the Haitian Immigration office, set for 10:00am. We didn't really know what to expect from the appointment as far as what they would ask us.
The day started early at 530 with a cold shower, our dress clothes, coffee and kids getting ready for school. We had to leave early because Josie had to drop her boys off at school on our way and the area around the IBESR office has terrible traffic. We loaded up in the truck with the boys and a crew of neighborhood tag alongs in the back. We talked about that a bit. In the US, giving someone a ride that you see walking, is not common and often considered dangerous. Although back in the day so hitch hiking, not as much. In Haiti, they don't understand why you wouldn't ask someone from your neighborhood if they needed a ride. Josie leaves for a particular part of PAP at this time all week, so if anyone needs to get to that area, they just hop in the back. I love the kindness of it all.
We took a long, winding drive to drop the boys off at school and then on to IBESR.
Josie, always knowing the right thing to do, had us to the offices just after 8 when it's suppose to open. The office itself was terribly run down, as is much of that area around the old palace. We go in and up a few flights of stairs to a waiting area outside some offices. Roby was along as our translator and Amessanitha and Nickson would also be going into the interview with us. Everyone was dressed so nicely! I was anxious, but not nervous. We have said and will say how important Roby has been in this whole process. His kindness and love towards us and the kids has been such a gift. I can't imagine going into that interview with a translator that didn't know us. He put my heart at ease.
We didn't have to wait too long and were called back around 9:15 to the social worker's office. I don't remember his name, but he had a really gentle vibe. Not overly serious or harsh. Just kind. The AC was running high in his office and it was quite chilly. At one point, Amessanitha asked to turn it down because she was cold.
The interview itself was a bit of a blur. All in French and Roby was just magic. I don't know what he said, but I can't tell you how safe we felt with him translating what we said to the social worker. We just knew that Roby knew us and knew our heart and would articulate that. He asked us about our relationship, how we are as parents, asked us about each other's parenting styles, how we are as friends and family. He asked about our bio kids and what they thought. So many questions about how we felt at each stage of the process. Lots of how did you feel, which is totally my jam :-) He explained it like if we were pregnant and the stages and I loved that bc I have told people just that. It's like the longest pregnancy ever!
Chad was awesome. I think together we were able to express how much this means to us and how much a part of our family they already are. We didn't have to discuss knowing them all these years since he didn't bring it up. We just kind avoided it.
He also asked the kids what they thought and if they understood. At the end, he asked if we were satisfied and wanted to proceed. We said, yes, as I choked back tears. He said as far as they are concerned, Amessanitha and Nickson, are our children. We can visit them, talk to them, anything.
Amessanitha asked why we were only able to stay one week and then how much longer before they can come back with us. He said 6-12 more months and no one liked that answer.
He then asked Josie to come back after we left the office. I got a little nervous about how much he would ask about our relationship. She came out and said it was all ok. He had asked about us and the children and if she had any doubts about the match. She had none.
Then we ran some errands and spent the day together. It was my favorite day. We stopped for a meal at a cafe next to the supermarket and had pizza and sandwiches. We went through the supermarket and picked up some coffee and tea and limonade to take home for the boys. Something seemed to shift with us and the kids after the meeting. They were less shy, more engaging. They had heard everything we had said and were asked so maybe it became more real for them too. That we had wanted them and loved them so much all this time.
We went and picked up Josie's boys from school and headed home. Once we made it back, Chad and I went to changed and I let myself cry into his shoulder for a bit. It was such a big moment and I needed to feel it. I don't know if I can ever fully explain how much they have always felt like ours, but this pushed that even farther. Someone else said they are ours also. Someone else knows them as our children. They are our children. Now we just need the countries to let us be together.
We rested a bit while the kids did homework, then dinner, rest again, bible study and they finished up their homework. So much homework. Because of the shut down of schools at the beginning of the year, the kids were now going to school on Saturdays to make up for it. WE did play Jenga and Uno and I played some farkle with Dania. We gave the kids and Syl their gifts of chocolate and the soccer ball also that night. Sweet Josie was so worn out, she fell asleep on the cot and we played til about 940. We told everyone to head to bed at that point and felt rather parental :-) Nickson was watching a show on the laptop and we had to tell him no more. It was maybe the first time that week that we established ourselves as parents. It was an odd dynamic.
This day was meaningful and deep for another reason. Leonard was shot that day 3 years prior. Roby and I spoke of him often that week and that day in particular. He will sit heavy in all my Haiti memories. He did this trip in particular. He would have been so happy for us.
All these layers and days and emotions are hard to process sometimes. I'm 2 months out from this day and just now writing about it. I carry with me every day the pain of separation and anticipation. It never goes away.
Our last full day in Haiti coming up...
The day started early at 530 with a cold shower, our dress clothes, coffee and kids getting ready for school. We had to leave early because Josie had to drop her boys off at school on our way and the area around the IBESR office has terrible traffic. We loaded up in the truck with the boys and a crew of neighborhood tag alongs in the back. We talked about that a bit. In the US, giving someone a ride that you see walking, is not common and often considered dangerous. Although back in the day so hitch hiking, not as much. In Haiti, they don't understand why you wouldn't ask someone from your neighborhood if they needed a ride. Josie leaves for a particular part of PAP at this time all week, so if anyone needs to get to that area, they just hop in the back. I love the kindness of it all.
We took a long, winding drive to drop the boys off at school and then on to IBESR.
Josie, always knowing the right thing to do, had us to the offices just after 8 when it's suppose to open. The office itself was terribly run down, as is much of that area around the old palace. We go in and up a few flights of stairs to a waiting area outside some offices. Roby was along as our translator and Amessanitha and Nickson would also be going into the interview with us. Everyone was dressed so nicely! I was anxious, but not nervous. We have said and will say how important Roby has been in this whole process. His kindness and love towards us and the kids has been such a gift. I can't imagine going into that interview with a translator that didn't know us. He put my heart at ease.
We didn't have to wait too long and were called back around 9:15 to the social worker's office. I don't remember his name, but he had a really gentle vibe. Not overly serious or harsh. Just kind. The AC was running high in his office and it was quite chilly. At one point, Amessanitha asked to turn it down because she was cold.
The interview itself was a bit of a blur. All in French and Roby was just magic. I don't know what he said, but I can't tell you how safe we felt with him translating what we said to the social worker. We just knew that Roby knew us and knew our heart and would articulate that. He asked us about our relationship, how we are as parents, asked us about each other's parenting styles, how we are as friends and family. He asked about our bio kids and what they thought. So many questions about how we felt at each stage of the process. Lots of how did you feel, which is totally my jam :-) He explained it like if we were pregnant and the stages and I loved that bc I have told people just that. It's like the longest pregnancy ever!
Chad was awesome. I think together we were able to express how much this means to us and how much a part of our family they already are. We didn't have to discuss knowing them all these years since he didn't bring it up. We just kind avoided it.
He also asked the kids what they thought and if they understood. At the end, he asked if we were satisfied and wanted to proceed. We said, yes, as I choked back tears. He said as far as they are concerned, Amessanitha and Nickson, are our children. We can visit them, talk to them, anything.
Amessanitha asked why we were only able to stay one week and then how much longer before they can come back with us. He said 6-12 more months and no one liked that answer.
He then asked Josie to come back after we left the office. I got a little nervous about how much he would ask about our relationship. She came out and said it was all ok. He had asked about us and the children and if she had any doubts about the match. She had none.
Then we ran some errands and spent the day together. It was my favorite day. We stopped for a meal at a cafe next to the supermarket and had pizza and sandwiches. We went through the supermarket and picked up some coffee and tea and limonade to take home for the boys. Something seemed to shift with us and the kids after the meeting. They were less shy, more engaging. They had heard everything we had said and were asked so maybe it became more real for them too. That we had wanted them and loved them so much all this time.
We went and picked up Josie's boys from school and headed home. Once we made it back, Chad and I went to changed and I let myself cry into his shoulder for a bit. It was such a big moment and I needed to feel it. I don't know if I can ever fully explain how much they have always felt like ours, but this pushed that even farther. Someone else said they are ours also. Someone else knows them as our children. They are our children. Now we just need the countries to let us be together.
We rested a bit while the kids did homework, then dinner, rest again, bible study and they finished up their homework. So much homework. Because of the shut down of schools at the beginning of the year, the kids were now going to school on Saturdays to make up for it. WE did play Jenga and Uno and I played some farkle with Dania. We gave the kids and Syl their gifts of chocolate and the soccer ball also that night. Sweet Josie was so worn out, she fell asleep on the cot and we played til about 940. We told everyone to head to bed at that point and felt rather parental :-) Nickson was watching a show on the laptop and we had to tell him no more. It was maybe the first time that week that we established ourselves as parents. It was an odd dynamic.
This day was meaningful and deep for another reason. Leonard was shot that day 3 years prior. Roby and I spoke of him often that week and that day in particular. He will sit heavy in all my Haiti memories. He did this trip in particular. He would have been so happy for us.
All these layers and days and emotions are hard to process sometimes. I'm 2 months out from this day and just now writing about it. I carry with me every day the pain of separation and anticipation. It never goes away.
Our last full day in Haiti coming up...
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