Haiti Days 4, 5, 6

I figured I better knock this update out or it will be months down the road and I'll have never done it!
Day 4 was Sunday and proved to be what was dubbed a "Spirit-filled" day.  We went to Good Shepherd Delmas 75 for morning service and although we were not able to understand the French service, it was still amazingly powerful.  I could listen to French for days.  I love it.  The music is always my favorite part as the Haitians have such a soul and beat to their worship.

Josie was there with several of the children from the orphanage and they had choir practice after church.  We were able to stay and listen for awhile.  Hand motions and swaying were all part of the songs and I loved every bit of it.
Our afternoon was spent down in the palace area, which is no longer standing.  We all found a few or a lot of things at the market and most people felt like they had honed their haggling skills.  Some liked it more then others! 
We then headed to Leonard's house for pizza! 

Nadine, George and Theo were there!  It was so good to see Nadine again.  We had spent our whole last trip with her and Theo.  George let several of us call home which was an unexpected treat!  After pizza, the piñata came out for Theo.  Hilarity ensued as Theo, then Uncle Jeffrey and then Grandpa Leonard all took a turn at it.  Finally, Leonard it off the string and smashed it on the ground.  That was one tough monkey piñata!

Soon after people started to gather in Leonard's driveway.  And more came, and more came and more came.  Every available chair was pulled from every crevice of the house.  We had a translator for this service, which was great and I was thoroughly impressed as he translated at lightening speed the message.

  As more people came for the service, Leonard would appear on the roof of his house to pass 2 more benches down for people to it.  
It was so wonderful to see Leonard excited about church and his community.  He is truly in his element when he is helping and serving.  A heart like his is rare and precious.

Back to Gertrude's for bed!

Day 5 was spent at Leogane again and what a day!! 
I was able to sit with Josie the whole way out and back from Leogane and not only got to know her better, but we were able to talk more about the children, which is obviously my favorite topic!
Many from the congregation in Port Au Prince came out for the day.  The youth from the congregations had a youth conference going on under the trees, the ladies were cooking for us ALL (150) with kettles on rocks and charcoal, and many were there to work on the building or dig the well. 

The well diggers blew me away.  Imagine digging into the ground with a shovel to make a 4-5 ft. wide hole.  Now imagine digging that hole 30, 40, 50+ ft. down.  By hand.  With a shovel, a bucket and a rope.  And still not hitting water.  These 2 guys were working on Friday and were again at it on Monday with still no water.  They thought the water would be there.  I hope they are right.

I spent a good part of the day chatting with 2 young Haitian men.

  Mathou, and Roby knew English well enough to have a great conversation.  They were very interested to know about my family and life and were quick to help me with my Creole.  I learned much about them, as well.  They all go to the school at Good Shepherd Lutheran and have aspirations to go on to college.  I asked them what they thought of these groups coming to help in Haiti.  I was still struggling with the idea that we were even helping at all and wondering if we were not really being a part of a solution.
They were quick to say that they are so grateful and appreciate connecting with their Christian family in the states.  It was reassuring to hear them say that.  I feel like my friendships there are developing and it's more then a selfish opportunity to "experience" Haiti.  I am invested in these people's lives and livelihoods. 
We were all very tired when we got back from Leogane and spent the evening at Gertrude's relaxing, playing UNO with Rosie, Gertrude's daughter. 

Day 6 was filled with highs and lows.  We first went to the school at Good Shepherd and Pastor Thomas gave us a tour.  Over 270 children attend the school, K-12. 

 They recently opened a computer lab for technology classes.  The classes are cramped and the space is limited, but the appreciation for education is so great here. 

There is also a medical clinic on site with nurses/doctors coming in 3 times a week.  The clinic is a storage container and is sparsely stocked.  Thomas said that they administer whatever it is they have to who needs it, but it, of course, is not sufficient to provide what they desire.

We then went to The Home for the Dying.  We were not required to go in, but most did.  The women headed up to the women's floor to massage and paint nails, while the men went to the men's floor to massage.  Kim S. and I painted nails and it was something that I will never forget.  A room full of cots, 20+ with women ranging in age and health.  As I sat down by the first woman I was immediately thankful that Mathou and Roby had taught me how to say "What is your name?" and "My name is...".  As each woman picked out their nail color and I painted, I was able to pray for each one by name.  I had no idea what ailment had brought them there or if they would be leaving soon.  It was truly a gift to be able to sit with each woman and hopefully provide just a little color to their day.

We then headed up to Lookout Point, a place high above the city.  My very first initial impression of Haiti was that it's so beautiful from the top and Lookout Point shows that.

  What I have come to realize and appreciate is that Haiti is just as beautiful from the bottom.  On the streets, in the homes, in the hospitals, in the smiles of this country, is real, authentic beauty.  I loved the view from Lookout Point, but I crave the view from the streets. 
It's the same here at home, too.  We, so often, skim the surface of a person only seeing the view from above, with out getting down into the streets with them, where it's messy and dirty and hard.
I'm as guilty as anyone in doing that.  Haiti has yet again given me a hyper-awareness of how valuable it is to meet people in the hard places.  I so badly want to be available to people on a street level, not a Lookout level.
 The next stop was the Children's Hospital.  I'm not sure words can sufficiently describe this place, but I will try.  3 rooms, 25+ cribs in each. All full.  With babies.  2-3 nurses per room.
We spent about an hour and a half there and it will never be enough.  Some picked up one baby and held he or she the whole time.  Matt, a first timer in Haiti, held a baby for the first time ever.  Read that again.  The first baby this young man had ever held, was a crying, tiny, sick baby in a hospital in Haiti.  Soothing it's cries, whispering in it's ear and rocking it to sleep. 
The overwhelming number of babies was heartbreaking.  I couldn't hold enough of them.  I moved from crib to crib, holding some a little longer then others and not getting to them all.  I didn't have time to hold them all.  Some were clearly malnourished.  Some were feverish and lethargic.  Some were bubbly and joyful.  All of them cried when you laid them back down.  Ages ranged from just a few months to 3 years in the baby rooms.  There was also a toddler area that I never even got to.  I was so thankful that Leonard had taught me how to say I love you in Creole.  I whispered to each one, "Mwen remen ou."
A part of me shut down as we prepared to leave that I'm not sure I want to open yet..  How do you leave a place like that? 
We headed back to Gertrude's for the final evening before heading home.  It was spent packing, organizing, chatting, and playing with the kids one last time.  It's always so surreal to leave.
Devotions that night were a wonderful way to close out the trip.  We all went around and talked about our high and our low.  My high was this...

And this...

And this...

 

It was so good to hear each person's perspective on what we all did. 
My low will always be that first flight out of Haiti.

I am so thankful I got to spend this time with these two.  Deep cords were tied around our hearts for each other and this place.  I imagine we'll be back together in Haiti soon.

Until next time...

Snowbound

I'm not gonna lie. 
I love snow! 
In very short, intermittent moments. 
I even like to get out and shovel it.  I like to watch the kids play in it.  I went skiing once and loved it. 
I probably like it because we get one decent snowstorm a year if we're really lucky.
I would maybe change my tune if we lived in it for months.
This snow storm that blew through was an answer to many prayers for moisture. 
It also gave us some mandatory down time.  I went to the store for a few things between the first snow and the second snow.  And of course , stopped at Family Video for the real essentials...movies!
The kids, in general, watch too much TV, but a snow day requires hot chocolate, movies and snow gear for the quick bursts of energy to go tackle a snow fort or snowman.
Mission accomplished!  Movies have been watched(several times), hot chocolate is all gone(that took about 12 hours) PJs were worn for multiple days and snow forts were made. 
The snow will be around for a few more days, I'm sure, but I'm ready to get out again.  And I'm ready for spring...thank you for the snow!

Why Haiti?

Good question.  I have a lot more.
Why do I love this place like it's mine? 
Why does it feel so normal to be there?
What does it make me realize about my life and circumstances?
What kind of perspective can a country of such contrast give?
What can I offer my friends there?
What can they teach me about life and faith and love?
Why do I feel a responsibility to these friends and these children to learn more, grow more and understand more and share their stories?

The easy answer is I don't know. 
The real answer is fluid and vague.
So much of this is distinctly outside my understanding.  I can speculate as to why Haiti.  It's a country I grew up hearing about.  I met Thomas and Israel and Pastor Louis and his wife as a child.  I remember those moments, but I was young and it wasn't terribly monumental at the time.
Haiti has always intrigued me and even more so after the earthquake.  But that horrific event put Haiti on the map for a lot of people so that's not terribly surprising.
What has surprised me is the ownership I feel for the well-being of my Haitian friends and the desire to make that circle of friends grow.
I have gained so much from just two trips.  The truth is that these trips have made me evaluate my life, but maybe not in the way you may expect.  It has not made me look at my life and say, "I'm so thankful I have..." or "I'm so glad we don't have to deal with..."  It has also not made me think, "I'm so lucky because.." or "I have this life because I did..."
Maybe that's ungrateful.  I don't really know.  What it has made me think is I want less.  Less distractions.  We, as society, spend a sickening amount of time and resources on maintenance.  We have to maintain our cars and our homes and our electronics and our clothing and our...everything.  Here's the thing though.  People in Haiti do the same thing.  It's not that I look at their lifestyles and think we're so vastly different.  We're really not.  That has been a profound realization for me.  We are powerfully, amazingly similar!  We fight the same things, only separated by degrees.
One of the reasons I enjoy being there so much is that it's easier for me to zero in on the relationships.  I don't have the distraction of all my "stuff."
It's the balance I'm after here at home.  Putting the value into what matters.  People, relationships, faith, communities.  And I believe it's the balance that all of humanity is after.  It's that steady feeling of contentment and peace we all want.  I feel that so deeply in Haiti and after this last trip, my focus is working to create that here as well.
Haiti makes me a better parent.  A better friend.  A better stranger.
It makes me look at my life and circumstances and zero in on the little faces in front of me, the husband who loves me, the family, friends and people who I cross paths with. 
It does not make me perfect.  Don't fall over in your chair with that revelation.
I battle the desire for more "me time", more clothes, nicer cars, better "stuff".  I struggle with being horribly impatient with my kids and husband.  I fight to bite my tongue when all I really want to do is let loose.  I fail miserably every day.
It's work to want to be better.  It's difficult to experience a place like Haiti with poverty so much the part of every day life.  It's painful to hear the stories of lose and abandonment.  It's beautiful to see the joys and smiles.  It is worth every good and bad moment to delve into these people and this place.  They have much to teach us.
It is a place of contrast and I may never answer all my questions, but it is a place I consider my "other" home.









 

Where my heart lies...

Haiti Day 3 was a little slice of heaven.

What was a very frustrating day for some of the team, as the trip to get supplies took 5 HOURS and they didn't have much time to get the water pump up and running, was, in fact, my favorite day.

My friend, Jamie, told me before I left, as I was in tears about how selfish I felt this trip was, that there would be a moment when I would know why I was suppose to go.
Here are those moment.

He pulled his chair up to my legs and laid his head on my knees. 

Instant tears and a full heart.

You see, that baby pressed against my chest has his heart all wrapped up in mine.  And the little girl leaning into him has the saddest eyes you've ever seen and if you're lucky enough to squeeze a smile from her, you'll feel like you won the lottery.

 

And this smiley face wiggled and giggled her way into my soul.  I will never be the same.

We spent all day here at the orphanage and I had one of these littles by my side the whole time. 
We played with chalk and a few played with my hair.  I got to take some braids out as the girls were having their hair redone that day. 
Mostly I snuggled and loved on as many as I could that day.  I worked a little too putting up some razor wire, but was glad to pass that off to someone else so I could hug another little one.
The children here are joyful and well cared for and loved.  It's such a happy place. 
Their stories are not so happy.  Mothers begging Josie to take the child they can no longer feed.  Or one so desperately wanting their daughter out of a tent city and away from abuse.  Relatives bringing her children whose parents are dying or dead or crazy. 
Their joy radiates from a place of loss and pain.  Their little minds and bodies have had to adjust to a life we can't fathom.  And they laugh.  And play games.  And go to school.  And love each other. And dream and make plans.
I have some big dreams and plans too.  Hope and love can do powerful things!

Gertrude's

After landing in Port Au Prince, the first thing I noticed was how much nicer the immigration and baggage claim areas were!  Much improved from just 6 months ago.  Upon getting to the baggage claim area, we were immediately offered help from multiple Haitian men who work for tips by carrying luggage out for people.  One guy walked with us and then another guy tried to move in once we got to the baggage carousel.  I quickly nixed the 2nd guy and said the 1st guy was "our" guy.  No problem after that.  Got our bags and headed out to a mass of people just outside.  Scanned the crowd and saw Keith and Leonard right away.  YAY!
The whole team had gotten in earlier then us and had come to airport to pick us up. 
The drive to Gertrude's was familiar and it was so good to pull up along side her gate. 
As soon as we got inside I recognized all kinds of faces from a few months ago.  At first a few of the boys just looked at me, then Wolton or Edson yelled, "Sawah!"  Heart soaring kind of happy! 
I joked and played with a few of the boys and little Christina, who doesn't know much English, but yells "Sawah" the loudest.  I call her party girl!  She's always smiling and hanging with the boys!
Spent the evening getting settled in, had dinner, and checked out the new space in back that the girls and the handicapped kids are living in.  SO much better then before!!
The first full day was spent at Gertrude's.  A group of us went to buy rice and beans at a warehouse.  Keith had a good chunk of money from donations and was able to buy 50-50lb bags of rice and 3-100lb bags of beans.  $22.50 for each bag of rice and $84.75 for each bag of beans.  Some of the Haitians there brought out the bags, 4 stacked on each one's back!  Pretty incredible.

Back at Gertrude's several people started in on filling the baggies with rice or beans and Kim S. and I headed to the back to help feed the handicapped children.  That was a new experience.  The disabilities range from cerebral palsy, to Down's syndrome, to autistic to unknown mental illnesses.  A very "in the moment" kind of experience and a true joy to spend that time with a few of them.

We went through donations and WOW do we have generous friends!!  Divided it up into different bags to take to different places, Children's hospital, Home for the Dying, Pastor Bernard, Josie, and Gertrude were all recipients of people's generosity!
Spent the evening playing with the kids, holding little Alvarez who is walking now and made paper footballs for some of the boys.
It was certainly time well spent that first day.  We didn't get to spend that much time at Gertrude's last time.

Gertrude, herself, is really amazing.  The handicapped in Haiti are thrown away. Literally.  Many of the children under her care where found in the "abandoned" room at the hospital.  Some were left at her gate.  One she found on a trash heap. 
I had a great conversation with a woman, Rachel, who is good friends with Gertrude and lived at the guesthouse/orphanage for 6 months.  Although the conditions at this orphanage are still not what many in the US would deem acceptable, they are good.  Really good considering most would not even consider caring for the handicapped let alone 20 of them.
Rachel said there was one time some guests came and saw one of the handicapped girls roped across her waist to a chair.  They were appalled, as many of us would be.  Rachel explained that this particular girl, who has Down's, was able to open the gates and had been running away.  As they frantically searched the streets for this little girl, the fear of losing her was profound.
There are 20 handicapped children here and about 3-5 workers at a time.  Obviously tying her to a chair is not the best option, but it was the best they could do in order to keep her safe while they took care of the other children for that time.
Perspective is such a powerful thing.  We often assume things about what we see without knowing the whole story. 
If nothing else, traveling to Haiti, making friendships there, has given me perspective.  And compassion.  And a better understanding of truly how we are all trying to do our best and that can look vastly different.

One step at a time.

Breaking down Haiti into little bites seems less overwhelming then to try to explain a week of profound experience in one shot.
The going and the leaving are oddly the hardest parts for me.  Both mean I abandon one place I love for another place I love.  My family. Chad. My life here. Haiti. My friends there.  My family there. I truly love them all.  Going to Haiti is exciting, intoxicating, difficult and easy.  It has taken 3 flights to get there and back both times and I've noticed a very distinct mental shift through those flights.
My first step away from home is so hard.  Always my family is cared for and I love that, but this trip in particular felt very selfish as I left.  The logistics were complicated and people sacrificed for me beyond what I had planned.  I let them, but it was not easy.  That first flight is filled with thoughts of home, the kids, Chad, my mom and whoever else was taking my place for the week.  The second flight is a mix of my family at home and my undeniable love for Haiti and my friends there.  And the third flight is all Haiti.  Heart pounding excitement. Visions of streets and faces and hugs and Creole words.  As we touched down, tears welled up and the song "I'm coming home." repeated in my head.
The week of course went so quickly and I'll work through those days and write more.  But always the low point is leaving.  As we said goodbye Wednesday morning to our new friends from the team and Leonard and Pierre and Gertrude and Rosie, all I can think about is how quickly can I come back. 
As our plane picked up speed the voice in my head repeated over and over, "No, No, No."  I hate leaving Haiti.  This time was harder because I know we have 2 children there.  If those children ever come to live with us, I do not know.  I can only pray that we are able to love and care for them there or at some point in our home.  It's not popular to ugly cry on an airplane so I kept it in check, but it wasn't easy.
And so the transition began.  All Haiti that first flight.  New faces and places, plans to find out more adoption-wise, plans to come back. Second flight is flashes of home, Elijah, Autumn, Cory, Caleb, Chad, the gym, friends, and back to Haiti, Mintha, Nixon, Josie, the orphanage. 
Last flight and drive is all home.  My bed, my shower, clean clothes, smooth roads.  And still thoughts of how strange it feels to love a foreign place so deeply, to love it's children like my own and wanting so fervently to love on it's brokenhearted. 
I'm home now and I'll return to my other home again.