Monday, Tuesday...

 Our home for the week!  Josie lives in her sister's home in a quieter suburb of Port Au Prince.  Her sister lives in the states and will eventually retire back in Haiti.  I say "quieter" because the neighborhood is still bustling with shops and people and markets and businesses and schools and churches and animals! 

We drifted to sleep each night with what we call "the sounds of Haiti."  Dogs barking, chatter of families and friends, music, and traffic all mingle together.  We noticed it less towards the end of the week so I think we were acclimating to it!  We spent quite a bit of time in our beautiful upstairs suite!  Monday and Tuesday were very similar.The children left early for school and would not return til 330 or 400 each day so Chad and I woke up late Monday and Tuesday and had very leisurely days.  That first day was really nice to be able to rest and reflect on the fact that we were finally there.  Breakfast each day was served by Sylvania, Josie's housekeeper. She took great care of us with our late risings.  She bustled around made us omelets or warmed up our food, warmed our coffee or hot chocolate, made sure we had what we needed and tried to communicate with us, which early on was quite frustrating, I'm sure. Syl has been with Josie for over 12 years!  Trust is everything in Haiti and Josie and Sylvania have such an incredible history and relationship.  Syl took care of the house, the laundry, the gate, cooked, and was all around just amazing.  Josie fed us SO well!  We had a running joke by the end of the week with Josie and Roby about how Haitian we were because we had ONLY had Haitian food!  And we had the BEST of it!  I should have written down each meal, but in true Sarah fashion, I was much more focused on enjoying the food, then remembering what it all was!  We spent some time in the courtyard on Monday, did a little workout and tried to catch some sun while we studied our Creole. We put together a puzzle, played Yahztee and Farkle, studied, read and just overall had more downtime in a single day than we probably had since we were teenagers with a free Saturday!f 

Amessanitha and Dania got home first Monday after 3.  They have such a routine!  Change clothes, help Syl with whatever she needs for dinner, or chores.  Amessanitha quickly asked to braid my hair and I of course obliged!  The boys and Josie got home around 430 and same thing, they changed clothes, did a few chores and settled in.  Roby came with Josie and we were able to go through some more of our books and talked about the other kids.  One of the questions we asked is what makes you nervous or scared.  Amessanitha said nothing makes her scared. :-)  We noticed that not much conversation is directed towards Nickson.  I'm curious if that's a cultural thing because it seemed to be universal that he was "so young" so the conversations generally just go on around him.  For dinner, Monday, I DID write down what we ate!  Fish and shrimp in a sauce with onion and "national" rice which is brown with pinto beans. It was delicious!  We were definitely spoiled! 

Dinner was a time to visit with Josie and watch the kids interact with each other.  They have a really beautiful family dynamic with Josie.  She creates such a VIBE.  I wish I could describe it, but I know I felt it.  It was home for them.  Her sons were their friends and brothers. Dania and Amessanitha are CLOSE, like sisters.  My mind raced with what we were taking them away from.  Nickson would normally be at the orphanage, but seeing his relationship with Josie and her boys was affirming that they have had years of a beautiful, healthy relationship.  Amessanitha and Dania have only been living with Josie since school started a few months ago due to their high achievements academically that keeps them at a school close. But they operated just like a family. Mama Jo loving and caring for them as her own.  It was evident they all loved each other and we were able to observe it quietly all week. 

Monday we had an incredible conversation with Josie while the kids got to work on their homework.   She filled us in on the corruption and mess that is IBESR.  Much like other governmental agencies, the potential for corruption is high in Haiti(and everywhere, frankly). She said, "I hate adoptions." and then apologized, but I said, "no, I think I probably agree with you." What we have learned over the years with Haitian adoptions is heartbreaking and was confirmed by her experiences.  What she hates and we do to, is the business of adoption.  By putting dollar amounts to the precious task of caring for children, the potential for being taken advantage of is high.  A vast majority of children in orphanages have a living parent. Now this gets complicated a bit in the infrastructure of Haiti because poverty is vast and real and the care of a child can be painfully daunting.  Josie knows and has seen orphanages that essentially remove children from homes, promising education and care that the parents may not be able to provide in their current situation. She has seen money used to the benefit of the board and director and not the children. She has been offered a deal to "provide" as many children as she can for $10,000 a child for "clients" in Israel.  The lengths she went through to complete their dossiers was unbelievable.  At one point, in order to find a family member, she rode a bus, a moto, a DONKEY and then walked for miles searching for an aunt of theirs. She said she was sick from exhaustion when she got home! She had to organize and get several family members to a family council session to explain what was happening, which is a miraculous feat in Haiti. But she did it and countless other feats. We asked her why. Why did you say yes to us??  This was never in the plans for her.  She is not in the business of adoption. She has ZERO interest in the money in it.   We both remember our first conversation when I asked if their were siblings at HOLH and if she did adoptions. She did not, but said she would think about it.  We then learned, she talked to Margaret her sister and Thomas's wife and she said talk to Thomas.  She did and explained a couple had come with Kim and Keith and were hoping to adopt one day.  Thomas asked who it was and she told him.  His reply, "Yes, that is a good family! Any child would be good to be in that family."  

That was it.  Because my grandparents and parents had forged a relationship and bond with Thomas over years and years.  That's why she said yes to giving us a chance to adopt from her orphanage.  At that time, we had no idea that it would be Amessanitha and Nickson.  It was just a hope and a dream. But, dreams do come true sometimes...

After dinner each night was homework, homework and more homework.  We were blown away with the work ethic instilled in them. We joked that American school is going to seem REALLY easy for them.  They spent the next 3 hours studying. Memorizing portions of textbooks, doing math and then memorizing more portions of textbooks.  Monday evening they finished around 830 and we played some games. Nickson loved Jenga and we all played UNO.  The Jenga blocks came in handy to build with, create designs with and use like Dominos to create some fun flows with.  Chad and I spent the evenings studying Creole(you would think we'd be really good, but we're not!)  I was always too distracted trying to watch them or walk into the courtyard to hug them or smile at them.  

One of the evenings, Amessanitha was in tears over all the work she had to do.  Partly because Nickson had gotten finished first and we were already playing.  Josie just laughed and let her keep working.  I went and hugged on her knowing full well it was a good thing I wasn't in charge, cause I would have told her to come play, which would have meant trouble in school the next day. So I kept my mouth shut :-)  Nickson was upset a different night for the same reason.  He kept trying to memorize a part and wasn't getting it. I went into the courtyard, pulled him on my lap, much to Amessanitha and Dania's dismay and had him read it to me several times.  Then he was back up in to the desk and back to work without tears. I am so profoundly thankful for those little moments. The moments we get to show them we care and we love them and we will be showing that differently then maybe what they've been use to.  

Each evening around 9, the whole family circled up in the living room with Bibles in hand and had devotions.  Always a couple hymns, mostly from memory, a psalm from memory, a reading that the kids would take turns explaining simply, and prayers led by one of the kids.  We didn't understand it all, but the reverence they had, the importance it carried for them was so beautiful.  Chad and I both were encouraged to improve our devotions quantity with the kids back home.  So far, so good.  I'm in awe of how well they keep the important things important.  We get so distracted by activities and how exhausted we are by all the activities that it's easy to let some things that have real value slide, like dinners together and devotions together.  We came away from the week personally better.  After being in the house almost the entire time Monday and Tuesday, we were hoping to get out and about a bit as the week went on!  Wednesday and Thursday were perfect...More to come!!

                             

Sunday

Sunday was such a LONG day.  It honestly felt like about 3.
I woke up earlier then our 430am alarm.  The anticipation of finally going left me with little sleep, some anxiety and a recognition that our first meeting would not be like I had envisioned it would be.  We would be landing in PAP to meet Josie and Roby and head to church to hopefully catch the end of the service.  Our original flights had us in on Saturday so coming in on Sunday and getting to see the kids at church for those first moments was ok, but not how I had worked out the meeting in my mind, originally.  I have learned countless times in a million ways, that very few things in life turn out just like we imagine them.  Sometimes they are much better and sometimes not.  I don't get too worked up about those kinds of things anymore, so my focus was to just be in the moments that day without worrying about what I think they should be like. 

Chad and I were not seated next to each other on the flight into PAP which was terribly disappointing.  That was a lonely, emotional landing crammed between two strangers in the very last row of the aircraft.  Chad was about 10 rows in front of me and I had told Chad before we could meet in the customs line, but I realized halfway through the flight when I was filling out the customs forms that he had my passport in his bag. He waited for me and we made our way through customs and down to baggage claim.  Everything went smoothly, although a bit slow.  We stopped at a Digicel store to switch out our SIM card which I will for sure be doing next time!  $5 for internet all week and I probably have some time left.
FINALLY, we made our way to the door and Josie in a glorious white dress comes rushing towards us!  I had so missed her beautiful face!  We hustled out to find Roby and made our way to church.  It was all so beautifully familiar.
Walking in the side door at the front of the church during the pre-sermon hymns...I immediately saw Amessanitha, in her white choir dress and red belt in the front row. 

A small smile and wave was all before we sat down a couple rows back.  No grand meeting, big hugs or tears.  Just a little wave.  It took me a few seconds to find Nickson as he was a row in front and on the other side.  He was either unaware we had come in or didn't show any recognition until the service was almost over and he turned around and smiled when I waved at him. After the service, we said hello and hugged and sat together on the pew somewhat awkwardly.  Not really knowing what to say, but feeling like I wanted to say so much.  Seeing the other children from the orphanage was amazing.  I recognized most of them although they were all so much more grown up!  Amessanitha ran around a bit and chatted with friends.  Nickson stuck to Chad's side. Even wiggling his arm around Chad's at one point. 

Josie got everyone situated and her two boys, Jordan and Jonathon, Chad and I, Roby, Amessanitha, Nickson and Dania all piled into Josie's truck and headed home! It was a tight ride and we didn't mind one bit!  We unloaded our bags, Josie showed us our room which was a beautiful master suite and we pulled out the things we had from home for them.  I had been so torn on what to bring to give them a piece of us to keep in this waiting time.  I put together a sketchbook with our family photos and each of our families' "family tree" style.  It was probably overwhelming by sheer volume of humans in our respective families. :-)  We all wrote out some answers to basic get to know you questions: age, school, favorite things, what I want you to know about me, and the kids recorded videos saying hello!  We also brought a small gift for each of them.  Autumn wanted Amessanitha to have her Haiti-made favorite necklace that my mom had given her years ago.  She wrote the sweetest, tear enducing note with it.  Caleb sent along a white stuffed dog with a KU hat for Nickson.  He explained in his note that this was his favorite basketball team and the weird bird was called a Jayhawk.  He also sent his electronic Yahtzee game.  :-)
We sat down with Roby and the kids to go through the book and gifts.  We just did Chad and I and Elijah the first night because Roby was translating and Amessanitha was writing it all down!  It was all very sweet.  We had little conversations back and forth with Roby helping us tremendously!  It was our first moments of family connection and it felt amazing.  We had them tell us their favorite things and asked about their school and activities.  Things we learned: Amessanitha loves to dance and sing! We told her she could take dance lessons. That made her face light up!  She loves math and is incredibly bright and mature.  She is taking English this year and worked really hard all week helping us with Creole and working on her English.  Nickson does NOT like math, but loves French and we found out he is left handed and quite artistic!  Nickson is quiet and reserved, but found him to be goofy and so joyful! It was so fun to find these little gems about them.  Roby left in the afternoon and we managed without him, but it was with far less actual communication.  We pulled out our Creole/English books and were able to connect over teaching each other.
Josie had asked us if we wanted to go to a concert that evening and I misunderstood and thought it was a concert the children's church choir was singing in at the mayor of Delmas estate.  Turns out it was a full blown Gospel concert!  The children did not sing, but the church was a sponsor for the event so we had amazing seats and had so much fun!  Broke our own rules the first day by being out after dark with large crowds!  The kids all had so much fun!  

The event went late with one performance after the other.  Josie got us snowcones and popcorn for Nickson!  By 9:00 or so, Nickson had fallen asleep on my lap twice which I did not mind AT ALL.  The second time, I pulled him up and just held him.  Dreams do come true.  By then, we didn't really know how many more performances there would be, but I asked Josie to go.  We headed out and Chad carried Nickson to the truck. The whole first day was so surreal.  I kept finding myself staring at them. Holding their hands. Putting my arms around them. Looking at them top to bottom.  Trying to make myself believe they were actually ours. 
Not unlike the first looks at your newborn baby...

Thomas's sister in law and Day 1+

Josie.
Our very first trip to Haiti in 2012 introduced us to Josie.  Her sister Margaret is Thomas's wife.

In our emails back and forth, Thomas mentioned his sister in law operating an orphanage.  In the beginning of this whole deal, we were so very naive and if I believed we somehow had any control on the timing of this adoption, I would say we lost valuable time in our naiveté.  We did not know how adoptions from Haiti worked, but we thought it would be great to have some connection to the orphanage that we adopted from and thought we could match the orphanage to an agency or request out of a specific orphanage.  All of that proved to not be the case and the laws actually changed while we were in our first years of the process, but that notion is what had us asking Josie on that first trip, if she did adoptions at her orphanage.  She did not and it was not something she had ever wanted to do. But, she said she would think about it.  I said, ok, not knowing until THIS trip, 7 1/2 years later, what transpired after we asked or why she had never done adoptions and had not wanted to ever do them.  I told my parents when we got back that I'm not entirely convinced that Josie is not an actual angel.  Sounds hokey maybe, but I've never met anyone like her.

I'm skipping a whole bunch here to jump to the bulk of this particular trip.  It's hard for me to write about the details without some background, though.

We left McPherson on Friday, Jan. 10 early enough to meet my parents for lunch and get to the airport for our 4:50pm departure.  Preparing to leave for nearly 10 days took some work and planning obviously, but it all went so smoothly.  My mom and dad could come for the entirety of the time to take care of Cory and Caleb.  Autumn had been back at school for the week and Elijah was heading to school that weekend also.  Everyone would be taken care of.   The gym preparation had been years in the making.  We had been anticipating and planning for this week and I can't tell you the peace we had driving away knowing our business that had consumed our lives for 7+ years was in capable, reliable hands.  What a blessing.
Kansas City was set to have some weather coming through that evening but we expected to get out before it got too bad. We had a hotel booked for Miami that night and were VERY much looking forward to dinner on the beach.  Lunch with the boys and Elijah's girlfriend Maddie and my parents was wonderful.  They would be staying together that night and heading to the KU game together the next day thanks for a generous friend!  The weather was getting sketchy but still rain and Autumn and her friend decided to come to KC that night instead of in the morning for the game.  That created some housing issues since I had booked them an Airbnb for 6, not 8.  It was a pricey lost, but we had to cancel the house and got them a couple hotel rooms in Lawrence.  Once that was all taken care of, we headed out.  A prayer together in the entryway of the Chili's caused some tears.  Hugging the boys and my parents goodbye was tough knowing we'd come back changed.

Got to the airport, checked our bag, got through security, sat down and within minutes heard on the PA system that the flight to Miami had been cancelled and to head to the ticket counter.  I was not thrilled.  We got into line probably 30+ people back and called Chelsi to see what we could do.  They were not allowing planes to land so our airplane that would take us to Miami never made it to KC.  So after a call to American, several calls to Chelsi, thinking we could still get out that night and then realizing that would not be happening, led us to a flight that put us into Port Au Prince a full 24 hours after our original flight.  To say I was heartbroken is an understatement.  Logistically, we cancelled our Miami hotel, booked a KC hotel, picked up our checked bag and called our shuttle and informed Roby and Josie of the change of plans..  By the time we got to our hotel, the snow was falling and we made it to our room at which point I cried onto Chad's shoulder for a few minutes lamenting that I was so tired of being patient.  We ordered food and spent the night and most of the next day in bed.  We had to check out of our room at noon and spent the next few hours in the lobby watching the KU game that our family was at just an hour away.  Our flight was again at 450PM and that flight felt like deja vu but we got out of KC without any trouble.  Landed in Miami and got our shuttle to the hotel with a 5am wakeup to make our flight to PAP.  I didn't sleep well that night.  Lots of heart racing, thinking and praying.  That morning everything went smoothly and we took off on time, heading to a place that now feels like home and people that will forever be a part of our lives.

Taking off from Miami knowing our kids are at the end of this part was a mix of emotions.  We were both nervous and for me a very different feeling from previous trips.  Landing in PAP, on the 10th anniversary of the earthquake, which is the day Chad and I started looking into adoption more seriously, felt heavy and meaningful.  We were flying back from a conference that day and I remember watching the news in the airports.  At the time, adoptions in Haiti were closed indefinitely as they worked to recover from the devastation, but for us that was the catalyst that sent us down this path.  It was no long a matter of if, but when from that day forward.

Next up...anticipation vs. reality

Generational effects

A week in Haiti is not new to me.  I think this was my 6th or 7th visit.
This one, though, was unlike all the others.  It carried far more weight and anticipation and joy.
To give it justice, I'm compelled to retell just a bit of the story that led us to this particular visit. The layers and intersections are such evidence to us of God's presence.  The way our story goes should give everyone hope that what you are doing today can have a power that ripples through generations.

Willie and Marge were missionaries.  At home and abroad.  Their impact on my life has been deep and wide.  As grandparents they moved with us a few times to stay close to the chaos that was our family.  I didn't really appreciate that until I was older and away from my parents raising a family of my own.  They were always just there.  Around.  In our lives.  Looking back, my life would have been missing some critical lessons and experiences had they not been there in the way that they were. 
To connect the dots from their choices and life to our current situation makes me miss them so much.  I know they would have relished in our hope and fears, in our stories and plans.  I can't tell you how many times over the past few years, I wished I could have a sit down with Marge.  She just KNEW me and knew how to keep what was important in focus.  I miss that lady often.
To make a really long story short, here is how our adoption connects. 
Their missionary work took them to Haiti for a short time and that forged a lifelong friendship with several pastors in Haiti.  One of those was a Pastor Thomas Bernard.  I met Thomas when I was 7 or so when he was at the seminary. His young face is imprinted in my memory.  As a family, we spoke of Haiti relatively often.  Always mentioning "Thomas and Israel", the two young pastors my grandparents helped through seminary. My grandparents worked with an organization, Haiti Lutheran Mission Society, for years and their work and relationships were common knowledge. The organization, of which my father is now the President, still works closely with Pastor Bernard and the Lutheran church in Haiti.   That organization is where Chad and I first started our search to find a way to visit Haiti after we decided we wanted to adopt from Haiti, but wanted to visit first.  Through a series of emails and calls and questions, we lined up a trip to meet two members of that board, Kim and Keith, in Port au Prince August of 2012.  We would be traveling around with them and see the country and meet people.  Thomas Bernard would be one of those people.  I had contacted him prior, not knowing that in fact, he was the "Thomas" of "Thomas and Israel" of my youth.  We exchanged several emails in which I mentioned our desire to adopt and asked about orphanages that he may have knowledge. He mentioned his sister in law operates one and he thought we could visit when we came down.  Only after all that did my dad mention that the Pastor Bernard was in fact, "THE" Thomas.  That was a fun email to send to tell him that I was Sarah DAHLKE and Marge says hello!  He hadn't know I was who I was either!
It was such a joy to travel there and carry my grandma's greetings to Thomas and his back to her.  She knew we wanted to adopt and it's such a tragedy to me that she and Willie will never get to meet their Haitian grandchildren.  Man, they would have loved them.  We will tell them about Willie and Marge.  They will know how God used them to bring us all together.
I can't tell this story, of this trip, without acknowledging my grandparents hand in the whole, dang thing and how I feel their presence when I'm in Haiti.  I thought of them every day.   They exist there in a way for me that is different then here at home.  It's a side of them that I couldn't have imagined as a child, but can vividly conjure up now.  Their part in this story makes it all the more compelling. 

They were the stone that caused the ripples of Haiti and adoption to cross into our lives.

It makes me wonder what stone was tossed to send them to Haiti originally and what stones we are tossing now that may ripple through our children or grandchildren....

Next up, getting to Haiti, delayed...