Thursday, January 27, 2011

Aaahh...

That is a calm aahhh, not a yelling AAAHHHHH!!!, just in case you were wondering.

I just got off the phone with a very nice woman who has been in charge of the 2 home improvement grants we had applied for last summer.  Before Christmas we found out that we had received both of these grants and would be finding out what types of things they would do to the house.
One was a weatherization grant, which could have included siding, windows, insulation, etc.
The other had to do with safety issues or incomplete things around the house.
I found out today that the job has been assigned and the company has 60 days to finish the projects!
That means by the end of March, we should have new siding, new windows and a whole host of other things done to the house!!
I am BEYOND excited!! 
We love this house and truly see it as a gift.  That being said, our electric bill tells us that the house is very drafty and needs ALOT of "tightening". That was something we just couldn't afford to do for quite some time.
So, I'm just happy.  Super happy. 
Hopefully, we won't have a $350 electric bill next winter thanks to these grants!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It's true

My husband is a wonderful father.  He is more patient then me and is, more often then not, totally engaged when he's with the kids.
On an occasionally off day, he at times does something comical.

Last night, I was reffing and then playing volleyball until about 10. 
Nothing out of the ordinary at home.  Sounded like a typical night for the kids and Chad.

Only at 1 a.m. did I realize how the evening may have actually gone.
Caleb woke up crying and whining.  He usually just comes into our room when he wakes up, but he didn't last night.  He just kept crying.  So I went into his room to get him.

He was wet. 
Really wet...and in his swimsuit.

Apparently, that's what he wanted to wear to bed.  Putting on a pull up was obviously not something that crossed his mind. :)

I love my hubs and appreciate that we can BOTH laugh about this one!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Praying

We usually pray as a family before bedtime. 
Sometimes, it's the Lord's Prayer all together or we take turns saying a prayer.
Caleb has started praying and it usually goes something like this...

"Please I go Kylie and Megan's house.  Please I go Mason's house.  Dat's nuff."

We usually have to have him go last cause everyone laughs when he's done. :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My own darn fault...

Ugh.
I did it. 
It crept up on me slowly right under my nose.
I'm over-booked, over-scheduled, over-run, over-stressed, and under-equipped.
The weight of everything that I've committed to do is too much and I need to unload.
It's happened in the past. 
It usually starts with something innocent, like just a couple hours here or there. 
"No problem," I think.  "I can do that."

This time around it was a slow load.  One thing led to another thing led to another thing.  Sadly, they are all things I really would like to do.
I like both of my jobs, I like playing volleyball, I like coaching basketball, I like homeschooling, I like working out (most of the time).  And that's just SOME of the things I'm doing these days.
But I love being a mom, and that is what has been seriously slacking these days.
I can't do it all.  My sanity is screaming at me to slow down and more importantly my kids are screaming at me to slow down. 
They aren't actually screaming those words, but everything about them is telling me they need to slow down.
Sadly, the younger ones are subject to the older ones' and my schedules.  They get dragged from here to there without much choice in the matter.
I've always preached and firmly believe that little kids need to be home...with their mom or dad...just being kids.  It's where they learn best, grow best.  In a safe, familiar environment.  It's also where I learn and grow the best.

I haven't been practicing what I preach and it makes me mad that I've let it get to this point.
I like being busy, but not like this.

So, I'm looking.  Looking for ways to trim the extra.  Not because I really want to, but because I need to. My kids need me to. 

They are growing up so fast right in front of me and I don't want to miss the slow times.  I want to be present in the moments.  We only get these little people for a short time. 
 Here's what I mean...
These 2 little people...
 Become this guy...
and this lovely lady.
And this sweet thing...

Becomes this smiley little man.


And, then, these cheeks...

 Grow up into this face in just a few moments.
It's almost more then I can bear.  So, I ask myself.  Why am I filling my days to capacity with anything BUT them?
I know I need some sort of outlet to maintain my sanity, but I don't need 12 outlets.
I'm working on it...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Potty training

It's one of those necessary aspects of motherhood. 
There are books and websites and advice galore about how to potty train your child in 6 hours, 6 days, 12 minutes, etc (I might be exaggerating on that last one).
I think it's all ridiculous.  No kid is going to be potty trained unless they decide that somehow their lives will be improved by it.
Kinda like an alcoholic who decides to stop drinking. 
It's got to be on their terms.
So basically, I don't go all crazy about the potty training thing.  About the time I get sick of paying for diapers or pull ups and I remember to stick him on the toilet every 30 minutes, is when I potty train.
Usually that coincides with an ability to communicate on their part.
And then there was this guy..

Enter: Caleb
Age: 2 years 6 months
Vocabulary level: 4 year old (I'm just guessing on that one)
Ability to understand instruction: Excellent
Ability to communicate: Excellent
Time since I have become tired of buying diapers: 4 months
Potty trained: Negative.

Stupid potty training.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Memories

I've thought so much today about this time 8 years ago and I can't help but write it down.
For me. 
To piece together my memories.
A part of me wants to forget, but if I forgot the pain and the loss, I fear I would forget the lessons and the growing.

Some memories are so vividly clear, but some are hazy or are a collection of other peoples' memories.

For me, I can't seperate Luke's death from the 3 months prior to it.  It all runs together into a mess of traveling, babies, sadness, happiness and questions.
After talking with my little sister last night, I realized that some of my memories aren't even accurate.  Or my timeline is off by a few weeks.  It's so intriguing to me what we each remember about that time.  Each one of us where in very different places and circumstances.
Autumn was born Oct. 21, 2002 and Chad was able to stay just 10 days before he had to deploy and catch up with the rest of his Special Warfare team that had already left.  Oct. 31 was in some ways harder then any other.  We stayed at the airport for hours just waiting for him to board.  I couldn't bear to say goodbye any sooner then we absolutely had to.  I vividly remember leaving the airport, walking to the car, putting a 20 month old Elijah and a 10 day old Autumn into the car, getting in the front seat and crying like I had never cried before.  I really had no idea how I was going to make the next 6 months.  If I had known what those months would hold, I may not have let him go at all.
Here is where my timeline is fuzzy.  I thought I went out to Nebraska soon after he left, but it was really not til just after Thanksgiving.  My dad had gone out to Stanford with my younger siblings to be with my mom and Luke who had already been there for a few weeks.  I was going to stay in NE with Grace and Isaac so Dad could stay in CA. 
It felt like I stayed for months, but it was really just weeks.  During that time, Luke went through his transplant surgery.  I spent hours that day getting updates from my dad and relaying the information on to others or answering all the calls from other people wanting to know what was going on.  Those few weeks are mostly a blur of fuzzy memories.
There are bits and pieces that are clear...sending the Red Cross message to Chad that Luke was going into surgery, a specific conversation with my sister, a visit from a dear friend, putting together a Christmas box to send Luke and my parents.  Just bits and pieces though.
I went home to Virginia soon after Christmas.  I could have stayed, but it was hard to be away from home for so long with 2 little ones.  I felt out of place.  My grandma came to stay so I could leave.
Just a short 2 weeks after getting home, I was on my way back for Luke's funeral. 
I remember the night before Luke passed away better then the actual day.  Dad had called everyone to tell us that Luke wasn't doing well and it didn't look like he would make it through the night. 
2 dear friends came to sit with me that night.  I'll never forget their kindness.  When Luke died, the next morning, again my Dad had to call each of us.  I can't imagine the pain and courage that took to say over and over that Luke was gone.
Again, I sent a Red Cross message to Chad.  He called awhile later and said that he was given permission to come back from Greece for the funeral.  I couldn't even begin to tell you how relieved I was, and happy, blissfully happy, which was such a strange emotion to be having at that point.  He had been gone for 2 months and 10 days at that point.  The logistics of getting him and then getting to the funeral were unbelievable.  He flew into Dover, Delaware a few days later so I drove up there from Norfolk, we stayed over night on the Air Force base and then drove to Baltimore to fly into Omaha.  The anticipation and excitement I felt to see him completely overtook the sadness I felt at losing my brother.  I felt guilty for a long time for being so happy then.
We flew in and met some of our family in Omaha and made the trip down to Hebron.   The next few days were just a blur of people, and family and freezing cold weather.  I remember his funeral clearly, but not much else from those few days. 
Then we all left.  Went back to our lives and had to deal with it each in our own way.  Chad flew back out to Greece just a few days after we got home.  That was almost harder then the first time around.
I remember trying to stay very busy those next several months until Chad got home.  It was an enormous growing experience for me.  God had placed people in my life in Virginia that helped ease the pain of losing Luke, of missing Chad, of learning how to be a mom of 2 little ones.  Really amazing people.  It taught me that I could do alot more then I thought I could, that God provides. 
Sometimes I prefer the blurry memories because I can form them to suit me.  The vivid ones just stick and pop up at anytime.  I'm glad my family talks about Luke, that we share our memories.  It's difficult to relive some of those emotions, but so important to remember him and those lessons we learned.  I would take my brother over all the lessons any day, but God had other things in mind.
I hope, as a family, we continue to talk about Luke before he got so sick.  There are so many more memories of Luke, healthy and vibrant.  I want to remember those times most!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Remembering...

He lived most of his first year+ in the hospital...

It didn't diminish his "cool factor", though.


He loved being a big brother!


Which just made him think he was cooler...

He loved to fish and hunt.

And always liked to look snazzy!

Or decked out in hunting gear!

A jack of all trades...he loved to cook too!

He had a serious side...

And always worked hard in school.


 He loved gummi worms and root beer...
 and acting like a dork.


He loved his mom and dad.

And put up with all of us ;)



But, most of all he was loved by many...

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Grateful

Here's an update on our recent string of terrible, horrible no-good, very bad sickness that refuses to leave us.
Since last week, we found out that Cory and Autumn do NOT have strep, but some other virus that just had to run it's course.  It has, but not before it was passed on to Elijah.
So, he's down for probably a good week with it and I'm pretty sure Cory has a UTI.

And, I'm grateful.  So, so grateful.
Weird to say and weird to feel, right now.  We're going on 3 weeks of some nasty stuff.
Don't get me wrong, I'm frustrated.  SUPER frustrated.  I just want everyone to be well again.
And that is why I'm grateful. 
They will get well again.  At some point, probably sooner then later, they will be back to their crazy selves and we'll keep marching on.

It's made me think about those children out there that are chronically ill and their parents. 
EVERY DAY they have to handle the symptoms and fears and germs. 

So, yes, I'm grateful.  Grateful that my children are, for the most part, healthy.
My heart goes out to those who care for children day in and day out who need it.  What a gift they are!

Friday, January 7, 2011

I do not keep score...

I heard some marriage advice once that said you shouldn't keep score with your spouse about who did what or who didn't do this or that. 
Something about how when people keep score their point systems are different and that can cause resentment or whatever.
I agree wholeheartedly...
Except for this one time.
As in my previous posts, it's been sick central around here since before Christmas.
My super awesome hubs who is G-R-E-A-T with sick people (he's also great with regular, healthy people, too)  is leaving me for 4 days with the germs and whines and requests for popsicles and juice.
It's the annual football coaches convention and it's awesome if you're a football coach, or you want to be one, or used to be one or are married to one.
Anyway, he offered to not go today because I'm 99% sure Elijah now has the dreaded mono-like virus that I think Autumn and Cory are ALMOST recovered from and he's a dear and probably thought he should offer to stay even though he would HATE to miss the convention and all the hob-knobbing (is that a word?), and seeing some of his coaching friends.
And that's why I love him, folks.

I, of course, told him he had to go cause it really is a big deal and it's alot of fun for him.
Here's the catch... and because I value my marriage, it's not really a "secret" catch, cause Chad has a radar for stuff like this...
I'm planning a SERIOUS girls getaway in Feb. or March. 
3-4 days with some of my favorite girls in a city I love-OMAHA!!!

So, of course, I'm not going to give him a hard time about leaving. 
It will suck. 
I might cry at some point, cause I'm so sick of sick people (see previous post), 

BUT when my weekend rolls around, I will hug and kiss my beautiful family and drive away with visions of adult conversation over adult beverages, sleeping uninterrupted, and doing whatever I want for a few days.

So, anyway, I don't know what the score is, nor do I care, but it will be EVEN when I get back from my girls' trip!! ;)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mommy mental health day

My sister coined this phrase or maybe she stole it from someone else. 
I don't know, but what I do know is it's sounding REALLY good right now.
The hubs is heading out of town this weekend so it's gonna be a few more days before I can legitimately take a day for myself, but I'm dreaming of the day!! 
Maybe next weekend?
Anybody else need a mental health day??

What should we do?? 
Shopping? 
Massage?
Sit in the corner of a bookstore for hours?
Go to a movie?
ALL OF THE ABOVE!!?!?!

The suspense is killing me!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Sick, Sick, Sick!

Sick of being sick, sick of taking care of sick people, just sick!!

So apparently, "sick" is also slang these days for "sweet" which can be slang for "awesome", which is what it is, just awesome.

This is NOT the sick I am refering to.  I wish it was.

I'm talking about the straight up sick.  Ill, not feeling well, throwing up, feverish kind of sick.

We've had someone sick as of Dec. 20, 2010.  It is now Jan. 4, 2011. 
I'm going to document this travesty so if by chance we have another episode of sickness, I can compare it to this hellish period.

Dec. 20, 2010-Autumn has strep throat and Chad doesn't feel great for several days.
Dec. 23, 2010-Caleb threw up and then had diarrhea for a several days.
Dec. 26, 2010-Autumn, Elijah throw up the majority of the day while in a hotel in Missouri.  I lost track after they each threw up 5 times.  Cory also throws up that evening.  They are all sick for several days.
Dec. 27-I get sick and sleep all day.
Dec. 30, 2010-Caleb gets strep throat
Jan. 1, 2010-Elijah throws up several times that night and has diarrhea the next several days. (He will not be happy with me posting that bit of info on the web, so keep it on the down low).
Jan. 3-Cory gets strep throat.
Jan. 4-Autumn gets strep throat again since she didn't finish her first round of antibiotics due to the throwing up.

Soooo, can someone say HELP ME!!!!!!!

I'm over it.  I have no more patience, sympathy, compassion, whatever left.  I would like to get back to a healthy, functioning household. 
This includes myself. 
I think just being around sick people makes me not feel 100%.
So, I'm praying that all these antibiotics kick in and we're all feeling better in a day or two. 
I need to get back to living.
I have all kinds of resolutions that I didn't make that I need to not fulfill like the rest of the population.

Monday, January 3, 2011

30...and more to come!

I'm just gonna throw this out there that I'm not really a math whiz.  I did alright in math and I can perform basic mathematical equations, but only as much as is required to survive.

Today is this hottie's birthday:


He's 30 today!







So seeing as 30 is a nice round number I began working out some math as to how long we've known each other and how long we've been in love and came up with this:

We've now known each other for MORE THAN HALF OUR LIVES!!  16 years to be exact
And loved each other for MORE THEN A THIRD OF OUR LIVES!!  12 years...(This is up for debate, though, since I think he loved me before I loved him.  Although, he is sure I loved him from the moment I saw him (he's a little cocky like that), but that's just not true.  We were 15 when we met and I was more concerned about how badly my legs hurt from volleyball camp then the football player who kept eyeballin' me across the dining hall at lunch time!  So whatever..)

And the conclusion I finally came to is that I really have loved him my whole life so none of that math matters.   I just didn't know it was him. 
Does that make sense? 
You know, as a little girl, you dream of that guy, the one you'll live happily ever after with? 
He is my guy.
I just didn't meet him til I was 15 and fall in love with him til I was 18.  Well, after that it didn't take us long to figure out this was a forever kind of deal.

So, Happy Birthday to the guy that, regardless of the math, I'll love forever!