It's maybe a coincidence that I haven't blogged since I've been home from my last trip to Haiti and this post is kinda about Haiti. Maybe it's taken this long to process it. Or maybe I just need to get it out of my head.
It's the 4th of July and I'm holed up in my room. I'm a little jumpy this year. A little anxious. Lots of things are being blown up and set on fire and popping outside. As the day has gone on, it's getting tougher to pretend it doesn't bother me. It's not as enjoyable this year.
On the Wednesday evening of my last visit to Haiti in April, our group witnessed a shooting near our guesthouse. It was terrifying, traumatic and obviously, not something I'm "over." The good news is we were safe, cared for, and protected that evening. Nothing about how I feel about Haiti has changed. It has never been safe and probably never will be. We all knew that going in and were unfortunately reminded of that, firsthand, on this particular trip.
What has me thinking today is how many people live with this kind of reality. The level of my anxiety is mild, I'm sure, and I will most likely be ok in a few days when all the firecrackers have been used up. Firecrackers sounds just like gunfire. I think about all the military who suffer from PTSD. How many of them dread this day? The constant popping. Or those who have witnessed some kind of gun violence? How do they deal with today? Or the ones who live in neighborhoods where the popping is heard often and it's not from fireworks?
I'll make it through today, but I can't help the memories flashing or the heart racing that happens when those firecrackers go off and this is from just one incident. How much more do others have to carry?
