Love resides here.

When we first met Josie two and a half years ago, there was just something about her.  You know when you meet someone and you just immediately feel at peace.  We felt that way with Josie.  She carried herself with so much grace.  She showed such a vision for her organization, herself and the children under her care.  She interacted with the children and the staff with kindness and a softness that I was immediately drawn too.  You can find all kinds of horrible stories about orphanages in third world countries.  You won't find those at House of Love and Hope.  Don't misunderstand me, though. How each child came to be with Josie is a loss, a tragedy all their own in one way or another.  There is no way to get around those realities, but how they are provided for now is a great example of what God can accomplish with a sacrificial soul like Josie's.

My weekend was spent with Josie and the kids, but first a little adventure, Haiti-style, to start us off!  The original plan was to spend the afternoon at the Apparent project or Look out Point and then Leonard would take me and Alana and maybe Cassie to Josie's in the evening on his way home (even though it was definitely not on his way home.)  That morning while discussing plans though it was decided that going to HOLH today would work better since there would be a lot of driving back and forth through P-A-P on Sunday and we could avoid that.  So I emailed Josie and we asked Leonard to call her.  It all seemed like it was going to work out ok!

First off, some of the crew went with Leonard and the big green bus to buy a LOAD of rice and beans!  People were so generous and they had over $5000 to purchase food!  

Do you know how much food $5000 can buy in Haiti??

Enough to flatten a tire!

It sounded like there was maybe a little bit of tension at the gate leaving the warehouse area, but as Leonard loves to say, it was "no problem."  We off-loaded the first haul, Leonard fixed the tire and went back for the second load.

160 bags of rice (50 lbs each), 60 bags of beans (30 lbs each), 2 bags of flour (I think 100 lbs each?) and several jugs of cooking oil.  Amazing!

With having to take two trips to the warehouse and the flat tire, we ended up leaving for Josie's quite late.  I think it was around 130 or 2 in the afternoon.  We were planning on stopping at the Croix des Bouquet metal market too, which we had heard was super cool and had all kinds of the metal artwork that they are well known for.  I had not gotten a response from Josie about the whole group going, but Leonard was going to call her so we thought that would be ok.  I figured the kids would be home from school around 4 or so and at the time, I didn't know Josie had another job so I figured she would be there too.  

As we headed out to Croix des Bouquet, we came to a bit of a traffic jam.  Wasn't to0 concerning cause it's just the way it is.  We knew something was up when Pierre and Marcelin jumped out and walked aways to see what was going on.  Pierre came walking back briskly, said something to Leonard, who said something to some guy next to us on the road, who then made room and helped Leonard pull a U-turn.  At that point, I wasn't sure if there was trouble ahead or just an impossible traffic jam.  I was also a little concerned that Marcelin had not made it back to the bus and we were clearly leaving without him.  Someone asked Leonard what was up and he just said trouble ahead and we can't go to Croix des Bouquet.  At which point, I was glad I had sunglasses on.  I was painfully disappointed.  If I didn't make it there that night, I didn't know if I could make it there at all, and it was something I was so very much looking forward to doing.  I was thankful for thoughtful friends and semi-strangers who held my hand and patted me on the back.  They knew how important it was to me.

Well, eventually, we see a moto riding up fast alongside us and it's Marcelin!  He hopped off and jumped on the bus.  Resourceful people, I'm telling you!  As we came to the round-about near the airport, Leonard kept going and started down a way that I remember being the way to get to Josie's.  Someone asked Leonard if we were going to Croix des Bouquet and he smiled and said, "Yes!"  Roller coaster, over here!  So we head to the metal market, everyone jumps out and has 30 minutes to shop.  It really was a cool place and I'd like to go back and spend some more time there! I managed to find a few lovely things in the 30 minutes, of course.

And we made up  a new Haiti game...

Chicken. Dead or napping?

In case you are curious, it's napping.  We all got a kick out of it :-)

Then off to HOLH!!
Giddy.  That is about all I can say to describe how I feel as we pull up to the gate.  

So we pull in and no one is home except the nannies. So, Josie calls Leonard and I talk with her.  She says to stay, stay and she is coming.  So we unload their rice and beans and hang out and wait for 20 minutes or so and the kids pull up from school around 530pm.  

Josie is not with them and I'm still a little confused by all that.  Anyway, I hug all the kids and we settle in to do some things with them.  

By 630, though, the group really needs to go, so they head out and Alana and I just kinda shrug and say, "now what."  No Josie yet, so we let the girls play with our hair and get the pipe cleaners out for them to make stuff with.  

It was all fine, but as bedtime approached we wondered if the kids should be getting ready for bed or what.  The nannies took over and started getting them all cleaned up.  I was back in the office getting some things together when Marie-flore, one of the older girls, comes running in, "Mama Josie, Mama Josie!"  I walk outside and see Josie still in her truck with all the kids crowding her, hugging and talking and so so happy to see her.  It was such a sweet moment to see.  Love resides here.  The real stuff.  

Josie is supremely apologetic for how late it is and I tell her it's totally our fault for changing plans on her and I had no idea she was working another job!  So, kids are mostly ready for bed, but Josie has brought chocolate ice cream and she hands it to me!  I pass around bites as we're waiting for plates.  Amessaminthe takes a bite and spits it out!  I couldn't believe it!  She makes all kinds of faces and I just laugh. Then Nickson does the same!  Do they really not like chocolate ice cream?  Turns out, it was just too cold for them, I think!  They ate the rest off a plate :)

Then bedtime for all.  Josie had put two mattresses on cinder blocks down for us.  The kids all circled around and held hands and sang and prayed and hugged and kissed each other good night and then to bed.  It was such a precious gift to get to be present for their evening routine.  I loved it!

This is a supremely long post, but I don't want to miss anything. More for my sake than for anyone that happens to read this novel!

More to unpack later! 

I love it when our plans fall apart.

Oh, Haiti.  
How I love you.  
Let me count the ways.
You are warm year-round. 
You have so much sunshine to share.
You are chaos that soothes my soul.
You are home to so many that I have come to love.
You bustle and burst with hope.
You show me what faith and compassion look like in action.
You let me share your stories and heartaches.

I've been home this time for about a week.  Transition-wise, this has been the easiest of the trips.  I am sure it has some to do with having friends on the trip with me in Heather and Seth, Alana and Cassie.  I'm sure it has something to do with knowing we were going to submit our adoption application asap.  Regardless, it's been good.

This trip had so many layers and plans changed and activities altered and that made it so beautiful in every way.
The weeks schedule was tentative, as usual, but we thought we would spend 3 or 4 partial days at Lophane's working on a guesthouse.  We thought we would get to the children's hospital and the Home for the Dying.  We thought maybe we would get to go do water therapy with the Notre Maison kids.  All good things.
How the week transpired made for some beautiful stories of provision and letting go of control.  Good lessons for all of us, I am know.
Day 1 and 2 went as planned.  Later in the trip, we all had to readjust!
The easiest way to unpack the stories of the week is to do them day by day, I think.  Each person that went on this trip has their story.  Each person we encounter and spend time with while we are there has their story.  There is nothing I can write that can give the full depth of those stories, except my own.  I want be open about the people and places without minimizing their stories.  As it is most places, Haiti is not always as it first seems.  As I have said before, it is everything you would expect a third world country to be, but the people we know are not poor in any way that matters.  They have an abundance of joy and kindness and compassion and love.  They are why we go.

Wednesday was travel day for most of the group and all but two members got into Port Au Prince some time during that day.  
Cassie, Alana and I met up in Miami Tuesday evening and hauled 300 lbs of donations from the airport to the hotel and then back to the airport the next morning.  We will be checking that stuff through next time, but we were all thankful for our Crossfitty-ness! 

I don't think I can fully express how meaningful it was to have these two go to Haiti with me.  Their hearts and passion for all the people they met did not surprise me one bit, because it is who they are on a daily basis.  I came home this time feeling like I have a team that is now connected to Haiti and that is a wonderful feeling!

Leaving Miami with part of the group!

It was Leonard's birthday so Kim made little signs for him in Kreyol!

THIS is why we go to Haiti.  This is Gus and Keith.  Gus has special needs and has been at Gertrude's for years and Keith has a super special relationship with him.  They love each other.  We got in before Kim and Keith and I was hugging on Gus and told him Keith was coming soon!  You would not believe the squeal that came out of him!  When Keith finally got there, this was his greeting!
We go to Haiti because relationships matter and being present with our friends there matters and hugs like this matter!

 

All the donations took over the playroom.  It took us all week to get this all sorted and distributed!
Many people, myself included, have wondered why we bring so much "stuff" to Haiti.  Why not just purchase these things there?  The truth is, it is less expensive for us to bring bags of donations than it would be to purchase these items in country.  Sometimes I think it is worth it to purchase things in country as it helps the economy here, but when we are trying to have items for multiple orphanages and schools and churches, this makes the most sense, right now.  Shoes, school supplies and medicines are quite expensive here so when can bring them those items the money goes farther and  that is helpful.

Hugged on Rosie girl as much as I could!  Rosie is Gertrude's daughter and such a sweetheart.  I didn't tell her I was coming this trip cause surprises are fun :-).  She loves it when people come to stay, but leaving is always hard!

 Thursday morning was spent at Lophane's, a member and youth director at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church.  He is building a guesthouse that will also be used as a youth center.  People may wonder about these "guesthouses" and why they are so valuable to a community in Haiti.  What happens when a guesthouse is run well, is employment.  This particular place will hopefully employ at least 10 people.  In a country that is in desperate need of jobs, that is a good thing.  The location of this property is close to where many of the youth of the congregation live so it will serve as an after school center and a place the youth can spend time together, as well.

Keith drove us to the work site and showed us his seriously good driving skills. He fit that bus into a space that a bus shouldn't be able to fit into!

The boys were there to help work!  If you remember two years ago, I met these three, Junior, Roby and Marcelin, at Leogane and we've all stayed in touch!  

Heather wrapping the rebar "frame" for a concrete base for a wall.

Primitive is probably the best way to describe how construction works in Haiti.  The mixing of the concrete is not for the faint of heart or the perfectionist.  I thought I was neither of those things, but I lasted about 30 seconds as a mixer.  It took a skill that I do not possess...YET!  It was a pile on the ground of gravel, which we bucketed to the pile from various spots on the property, sand which was shoveled into the pile from a different pile, water which was hauled up by the bucket from the water reservoir under the house, and a bag or two of cement.  This was then mixed with shovels by men who are some of the hardest workers I've seen and know the just right consistency needed.  We make and manufacture all kinds of equipment in this country to make things as easy and simple as possible.  These men just do with what they have.  It is incredible. 

lunch break

 We got all kinds of dirty that day and I thought for sure I could convince Chad that new shoes were in order after I got home.  He said I just needed a hose ;-)  I suppose so!

After we were done for the day at Lophane's we headed to the airport to pick up two more from the team.  Leonard parked us outside the airport so we wouldn't have to pay for parking.  A few went in to get them and the rest of us just hung out.  A major blessing for the whole trip was this lovely lady. 

Jill Jack.

 Ever heard of her?  You will!!
She's a folksy/rock/awesome singer/songwriter and provided the soundtrack for this trip.  

Look her up!

It was incredible and she is a sweetheart to boot!  I can't wait to stay in touch with her and hit up some of her concerts!!

My laying on a concrete wall that had a major drop-off into a ravine of trash and sewage, was not comforting to some.  I found it be a just fine place to get some sunshine :-)

After we picked up Mark and Bill, two priceless individuals who have been to Haiti 8ish times(they couldn't remember if it was 7 or 8), we headed back to Gertrude's to go through donations and play with the kids.

 Each morning and evening we met on the rooftop for devotions.  This always proves to be a special time for the group.  When you have 16 people from all over the country, this gives us a chance to connect and process our days together and begin and end in the Word.  It was an anchoring time for me.  I desperately needed those moments each day and I'm sure others would agree they did too.

 Well, that's Day 1 and 2.  I know it's so much "stuff", but each day is just full of moments to remember.  The next day, Friday, we got to go to House of Love and Hope and Alana and I spent the weekend.  Those moments I will never forget!!

Friday, Saturday and Sunday coming up next...

Faith, hope and love.

I could write a book about my recent adventure in Haiti, but this first.

I've noticed lately all the verses and quotes that talk about faith. That it's something we have to cling to.  That it's something that is fought for.  That it is tested.  And that sometimes it is weak.  That Jesus mentions those of "little faith."  That we must stand firm in it.

Basically that faith isn't a cake walk.  It's like all those centuries ago, God knew there would be times in our lives when faith wasn't easy to keep.
I have been of little faith much over the past year or so.  And I don't know why.  I've struggled with doubt for no real reason.  I've struggled with questions for no real reason.  I've just flat out struggled with faith for no apparent reason.  I can't even quite example it to myself, let alone another person.  My inner dialogue has been relentless at times and at peace at times. It's been internally exhausting.  
So those words that I had never really, truly, had to understand about fighting, clinging, standing firm, I understand now.  It feels fragile so I cling to that faith.  Sometimes barely.  Sometimes I cling to other people's faith because it feels more stable.
And I hold on to the words and promises that say He will sustain me.  I believe it.  I have to.  He will continue to hold onto me and that I will eventually not just stand, but stand firm in faith and not be rocked by my own thoughts and doubts because the coming months and years will be difficult and I want to walk them with faith that can move mountains.

We submitted our adoption application this morning with hopeful hearts. We have waited for years to be at this moment.  I was somewhat unprepared for how emotional pressing that submit button would be.  Does anyone else find the irony of a "submit" button on an adoption application?  Because that is exactly what it feels like. There is profound submission required in this process. To God. To agencies. To the governments.  There is no other way around it.  We have in our minds how we want this to end and there is no guarantee it will move that way.  That thought is enough to send me into a spiral. Clinging, fighting for faith that He will see us through regardless. 
It is not easy.
There are so many that have already given us such encouragement and we do not take that for granted.  It will take an army to fundraise the money needed.  It will take an army to hold us up over these months, but what is so amazing is I can look at every corner of our lives and see that army.  They are already in place. We have so many people that want to come alongside us in this and I am overwhelmed.  We are humbled and hopeful beyond words. So very hopeful.   
Haiti 2015 stories coming soon...So much goodness in them. :-)