Faith, hope and love.

I could write a book about my recent adventure in Haiti, but this first.

I've noticed lately all the verses and quotes that talk about faith. That it's something we have to cling to.  That it's something that is fought for.  That it is tested.  And that sometimes it is weak.  That Jesus mentions those of "little faith."  That we must stand firm in it.

Basically that faith isn't a cake walk.  It's like all those centuries ago, God knew there would be times in our lives when faith wasn't easy to keep.
I have been of little faith much over the past year or so.  And I don't know why.  I've struggled with doubt for no real reason.  I've struggled with questions for no real reason.  I've just flat out struggled with faith for no apparent reason.  I can't even quite example it to myself, let alone another person.  My inner dialogue has been relentless at times and at peace at times. It's been internally exhausting.  
So those words that I had never really, truly, had to understand about fighting, clinging, standing firm, I understand now.  It feels fragile so I cling to that faith.  Sometimes barely.  Sometimes I cling to other people's faith because it feels more stable.
And I hold on to the words and promises that say He will sustain me.  I believe it.  I have to.  He will continue to hold onto me and that I will eventually not just stand, but stand firm in faith and not be rocked by my own thoughts and doubts because the coming months and years will be difficult and I want to walk them with faith that can move mountains.

We submitted our adoption application this morning with hopeful hearts. We have waited for years to be at this moment.  I was somewhat unprepared for how emotional pressing that submit button would be.  Does anyone else find the irony of a "submit" button on an adoption application?  Because that is exactly what it feels like. There is profound submission required in this process. To God. To agencies. To the governments.  There is no other way around it.  We have in our minds how we want this to end and there is no guarantee it will move that way.  That thought is enough to send me into a spiral. Clinging, fighting for faith that He will see us through regardless. 
It is not easy.
There are so many that have already given us such encouragement and we do not take that for granted.  It will take an army to fundraise the money needed.  It will take an army to hold us up over these months, but what is so amazing is I can look at every corner of our lives and see that army.  They are already in place. We have so many people that want to come alongside us in this and I am overwhelmed.  We are humbled and hopeful beyond words. So very hopeful.   
Haiti 2015 stories coming soon...So much goodness in them. :-)