Open doors

We are embarking on a fast paced few months.  I was offered and accepted a long term sub job at the middle school.  It all happened very quickly and it is certainly an answer to prayers.  We have been sitting on our dossier as we save money since we can't submit it until we pay off our current balance and we wanted to have the next $3000 ready so once the dossier was submitted we could move a little quicker.  This sub job will allow us to do just that.  The work load will be more than I've ever taken on, but I can't even balk at considering the opportunity it provides.
I'll be teaching PE and weightlifting to middle schoolers.  My favorite age to teach and a subject I am thankfully now familiar with and comfortable teaching.  I'm excited!


Tomorrow Chad and I go for our psych evals.  I have no idea what we will be asked and that is somewhat nerve wracking, but we are trusting the process and that we'll have a completed dossier in a few more months!  It is starting to feel closer, tangible, emotional.   The kids dossiers will be compiled in the next few months as well.  That's an additional chunk for money, but at this point we barely blink at $3000 or $4000.  Not that we have it lying around, but it's just another step in the process.  I wish we could explain it better than a "process."  It makes it seem so cold.  Like we are somehow detached from the actual people that will be our children some day soon.  I think about them every single day.  Much like a pregnancy, I dream of their futures, how we will navigate our days, how their addition will affect the family, how they will grow and develop.  All of it.  I so desperate to write the part of the story where they are with us.  It can't come soon enough.

A Thousand Years

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ayN39xmsI

A rare solo workout at the gym today so I put a playlist on that I don't usually use.  It's not exactly "gym" music, but I wanted to kinda relax while I lifted. Anyway, I had this song in the mix and as soon as the first cord hit, I started crying.

It hit hard and fierce.

This is in a nutshell how I feel about our adoption.
I'm particularly emotional about it this week. There is a team leaving for Haiti.  Many of whom I have gone with before.  A few that went on my last trip a year ago.  It was this trip, one year ago, that I came back and Chad and I decided it was time to move on the adoption.  I am excited for them and simultaneously heartbroken. I miss our HOLH kids so much.  I thought we would be farther along in the adoption by now.

This song gets me every single time because I do already love them, always have.