Here we go...
My to-do list.
I use to make these lists to help me get all the housework and errands done.
Or the projects around the house that I wanted to do.
Or the books I wanted to read.
Or the meals I needed to cook.
Now it looks a little something like this...
1. Focus on this moment.
2. Now focus on this moment.
3. Now you can focus on this moment.
4. Repeat.
You get the idea. I cannot think about anything past this moment. Except to the extent it prepares me for the next moment.
It's good, right? Yep.
Except when I get ahead of it. When I look through the next few days, I want to cry. If I stupidly look through the next week, I'll never get out of bed. I can be paralyzed by busyness. Slightly busy is energizing. Too busy is debilitating.
And the tight rope walk is on.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
"Camp"less
I've got some rather personal thoughts on education and my current frustrations with "the system." This includes the public, private and homeschool "systems."
We're in a bit of a odd position this year. Elijah is homeschooling for 7th grade, Autumn is attending 5th grade at a public school, Cory is homeschooling 2nd grade, and Caleb will be doing some Kindergarten stuff at home. We've had a mix like this for the past several years and its worked so far. But what it doesn't afford us is a "camp" to settle in.
I didn't know this until the past few weeks, but with Elijah doing online school, we are not "homeschoolers." Who'd a' thought!?! And, even though his online school is a "public" school, we're also not "public schoolers." We are apparently not welcome in either camp from an activities standpoint.
This all came about in trying to find a place Elijah could play basketball this winter. Middle school won't allow it because he's not a student in the building and homeschool groups won't allow it because the schooling we are doing is from a public source. Needless to say, I'm super frustrated with the whole stupid thing. It comes down to a money trail, a fight for fairness by organizations, a "definition" of education, and where that takes place and apparently we fit nowhere.
It makes me crazy, if I'm honest with myself, because it's my kid that is getting the shaft. It's my kid that is selflessly giving up something he LOVES because he understands the importance of a good education. One he was not getting at the middle school and one I cannot give him without some help from an online "public" school. He is mature beyond his years and he'll be ok. And we know it's just basketball, but he has big dreams and goals in the classroom and on the court and I will not be the one to stand in the way of either of those things.
So for now, we wait. We wait and watch and research. We may fight for it next year in one arena or the other. What I find so painfully frustrating is that we have to fight for this in the first place. When did public education lay down with athletics to the point that they are inseparable? When did the definition of "homeschooling" become so convoluted? When did they put themselves on opposite sides of the fence, rather than seeing themselves on the same side? If I've learned anything through having kids in different school settings is that everyone really is trying to do their best. Schools are trying to do the best they can with the mess they have. Parents who homeschool are just trying to do their best with the messes they have.
It's not simple, but it doesn't have to be so complicated.
We're in a bit of a odd position this year. Elijah is homeschooling for 7th grade, Autumn is attending 5th grade at a public school, Cory is homeschooling 2nd grade, and Caleb will be doing some Kindergarten stuff at home. We've had a mix like this for the past several years and its worked so far. But what it doesn't afford us is a "camp" to settle in.
I didn't know this until the past few weeks, but with Elijah doing online school, we are not "homeschoolers." Who'd a' thought!?! And, even though his online school is a "public" school, we're also not "public schoolers." We are apparently not welcome in either camp from an activities standpoint.
This all came about in trying to find a place Elijah could play basketball this winter. Middle school won't allow it because he's not a student in the building and homeschool groups won't allow it because the schooling we are doing is from a public source. Needless to say, I'm super frustrated with the whole stupid thing. It comes down to a money trail, a fight for fairness by organizations, a "definition" of education, and where that takes place and apparently we fit nowhere.
It makes me crazy, if I'm honest with myself, because it's my kid that is getting the shaft. It's my kid that is selflessly giving up something he LOVES because he understands the importance of a good education. One he was not getting at the middle school and one I cannot give him without some help from an online "public" school. He is mature beyond his years and he'll be ok. And we know it's just basketball, but he has big dreams and goals in the classroom and on the court and I will not be the one to stand in the way of either of those things.
So for now, we wait. We wait and watch and research. We may fight for it next year in one arena or the other. What I find so painfully frustrating is that we have to fight for this in the first place. When did public education lay down with athletics to the point that they are inseparable? When did the definition of "homeschooling" become so convoluted? When did they put themselves on opposite sides of the fence, rather than seeing themselves on the same side? If I've learned anything through having kids in different school settings is that everyone really is trying to do their best. Schools are trying to do the best they can with the mess they have. Parents who homeschool are just trying to do their best with the messes they have.
It's not simple, but it doesn't have to be so complicated.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
3...2...1...GO...
If you read my blog with any kind of regularity, then you know I've wrote a few times about margin and knowing your limits and saying no sometimes to give yourself some space, especially if you have littles.
Lies. All of it.
I'm kidding! All that is super duper true. And I'm about to embark on what will be months and could be years of knowingly, willingly, strategically pushing out of those margins that I love so much. It could be a disaster. There will be tears and anguish and lots of questions on my part of, "Is this worth it?" I'm gonna guess that some days the answer will be no and some days yes. But, I hope, in the end, the answer is yes, yes, yes.
I'm starting school tomorrow. I'll be taking 7 credit hours. A one credit Basic Concepts which I think they require to weed out the people that don't really want to study Human Anatomy and Physiology. And 6 credits of Human A&P and Lab. Manageable, right?
What these next months will hopefully look like is a steady 6-10 credits each semester until I am finished with a Physical Therapy Assistant degree.
I don't imagine I'll have much margin to give. I pray my husband understands and my kids understand and my friends and family understand that I've never done anything like this. I've never tried to tackle this kind of life for a long period of time. I don't know how it will go. I hope it goes well. That my walls are wider than I think. That I can still be a good wife and mother, a decent friend to most and a good friend to a few. That I can keep up and keep in touch. That I don't cry too much or worry too much.
That's my hope and prayer. That although it's a lot, that it won't be too much.
Lies. All of it.
I'm kidding! All that is super duper true. And I'm about to embark on what will be months and could be years of knowingly, willingly, strategically pushing out of those margins that I love so much. It could be a disaster. There will be tears and anguish and lots of questions on my part of, "Is this worth it?" I'm gonna guess that some days the answer will be no and some days yes. But, I hope, in the end, the answer is yes, yes, yes.
I'm starting school tomorrow. I'll be taking 7 credit hours. A one credit Basic Concepts which I think they require to weed out the people that don't really want to study Human Anatomy and Physiology. And 6 credits of Human A&P and Lab. Manageable, right?
What these next months will hopefully look like is a steady 6-10 credits each semester until I am finished with a Physical Therapy Assistant degree.
I don't imagine I'll have much margin to give. I pray my husband understands and my kids understand and my friends and family understand that I've never done anything like this. I've never tried to tackle this kind of life for a long period of time. I don't know how it will go. I hope it goes well. That my walls are wider than I think. That I can still be a good wife and mother, a decent friend to most and a good friend to a few. That I can keep up and keep in touch. That I don't cry too much or worry too much.
That's my hope and prayer. That although it's a lot, that it won't be too much.
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