Haitian vacation

We have said that's what this trip was a vacation and it's true to a degree. We love being in Haiti.  We always get taken care of so well. We have always had a chance to do something touristy or sightsee or enjoy the culture in some way.  
All of that is true. 
But still there are always things that rock me and make me see a little differently. Always something or multiple somethings that solidify for us why we continue to collect donations and tell whoever will listen about this country and will continue to visit.
A country of contrasts it seems on the surface.  
Stunning mountains

 breathtaking landscapes,

and hidden jewels.

To homes that barely stand.

 To lots and roads filled with trash.

To reminders of an earthquake that devastated so many.

And yet, I wonder. I wonder if my perceptions are accurate.  More often than not, being here makes me see differently.  Think differently.  On our way home from Jacmel, I had such a moment. When we drive through Haiti, people are selling on the sides of the roads everywhere.  I looked at that and thought, they must be so desperate.  In the back of my mind, I assumed they would take whatever offers came their way just to make a gourde.  Because, if you were in poverty, wouldn't you take anything over nothing?

And then perception shifted when Gertrude told Leonard to stop along the way because she wanted to get some produce to take home. We come across two ladies walking into Jacmel from the countryside first.  Gertrude talks with them through the window and buys an entire tub from one lady.  I don't know how much she offered, but it was enough for this woman.

Gertrude stills wants some more so Leonard pulls over and ladies come to the car with various plates and baskets of things.  

A raucous conversation ensues between the ladies, Gertrude and Leonard.  I don't understand anything except an occasional "dollars".  Everyone laughs or smiles and we drive away.  I'm surprised.  This happens again.  Same outcome.  We drive away without anything. I ask Gertrude why?  "I can get it cheaper in the city," she says.
And just like that I realize these venders may not be so desperate. They have a price tag on their wares.  They aren't so desperate to take any offer that comes along and Gertrude didn't have any problem driving away when she knew she could get a better price elsewhere. 
They aren't so different from us.  Don't we do the same? Check for prices, decide if the product is worth the price, go elsewhere if we know we can get a better deal.  And if we place a value on something we own, do we take a penny when we think it's worth a dollar?  Not so different.

I was wrong.  Again.  I love these moments that rock my assumptions, that make me question how I think and why I think the way I do.  Good stuff.

A vacation for sure, but so much more.

Feels like home.

Landing in PAP felt different this time.  Excited still, but less of an adrenaline high.  And that's a good thing because it was more like coming home to familiar faces and places than the sense of the unknown.  Maybe because it's my third trip or maybe it's because it's no longer a foreign country to me.  Maybe it's because I kinda know where we are (sometimes!) when we travel to the guesthouse or Josie's, or church.  Maybe it's because what was once a shock, seems normal.  For whatever reason, it felt like home.
Seeing Leonard leaning against the fence as we walked out of the airport put a smile on my face.  I know I've talked about him before and if you've heard me talk about Haiti, he comes up often. There is a reason.  

He is such a bright light.  He has lived a full life in Haiti and has experienced many trials.  He is so joyful, but he knows sorrow.  He has a story.  His brother died in a motorcycle accident.  His brother in law was murdered.  His church divided.  His community is in constant need of food and clean water and care.  And I am sure countless other battles that I have no knowledge of.
He walks with memories of sadness and pain, but has the quickest smile of anyone I know.  His laughter is always authentic and contagious, even if you didn't understand the joke.  He chats with other drivers while we're in traffic or making a turn or whenever and they ALWAYS, always drive away/walk away smiling.  I always walk away from our time with him so thankful that we get to spend a small part of our lives in his presence.  We get to witness what God's love can truly do through a faithful servant.
Driving from the airport to Gertrude's is so familiar until we get a bit closer.  Road construction!  We noticed this trip, it was everywhere, which is so great!  We spent more time on paved roads than we ever have.  

That's good for the shocks on Leonard's Land Cruiser AND for our backs and necks :)
We spent our first evening chatting with the guests at Gertrude's.  It's always so fun to meet people there because inevitably if you don't know them, you know some of the same people.  We went through and divided up the donations, which is honestly so humbling to do.  I know not everyone will go to Haiti, or fall in love with Haiti, or care about Haiti like we do, but we have so, so many people that give and give and give.   Two orphanages, one school and a hospital received socks, underwear, medicines, hair accessories, shoes and more.  

We had a nice surprise at Gertrude's to have WiFi in the evenings.  Usually they don't have electricity or run the generator during the day, so it wasn't available then, but still so awesome to be able to communicate some with home and share pictures and such.

Our first morning, we had breakfast (OH THE MANGOES!) Seriously, the mangoes.  So good.  Always scrambled eggs, fruit and toast with peanut butter and jam. 

Our drive to Jacmel that morning was beautiful.  Sadly, I got pretty carsick and didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I would have liked :/

We rested once we got to the guesthouse, which was so beautiful and then went with Sydnee, the manager and pastor's wife to a building near a tent city to feed over 100 children.  That deserves a post all it's own.  

Here is what I know.  There are amazing people all over the world doing the hard work of caring for those who are in dire need.  We were able to see a sliver of what they do on a daily and weekly basis.  They are the heroes of these places.  

A heart divided will stand

If I have learned anything from my times in Haiti, it is there is no limit to love.  They love so well.  And I learn how far I still have to go.

We like to put walls around love and limit it's power, because often loving more means hurting more and going more and giving more and listening more and hearing more and seeing more, but "more" freaks us out because we already feel like we're spread so thin.   
I can assure you that loving more does mean all those things and you most certainly want what comes with it all.  
If I can't love, truly love, with the full knowledge that relationships are being forged, I will fail somewhere along the way because I'm really good at that, forgiveness will be needed and God can move mountains and roll stones away and sacrifice everything with love, then what am I doing here?  
I don't want to exist on an Earth where love doesn't win.  And it will only be, if we keep allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to all that comes with truly loving.  To continuing to be open to seeing suffering, both internal and external, to not turning away when it's difficult, to digging in for the long haul, cause that matters, these are the acts of love that change people and places and change me and change you.
My heart has been ripped open by this place and these people.  It hurts so much and heals so much.  Each time I go, my eyes stretch open, my perceptions shift, my understanding grows and I love more.  And not just our friends in Haiti.  I learn so much there that opens my eyes to here too.  You don't have to travel to Haiti to learn to love. The opportunities are in your house or next door or down the street or lying next to you in bed.  
My heart is divided in more ways than one and it holds.  Each time I think it may just be done cause it hurts so much, it divides and holds.  God has given us all an enormous capacity to love and He holds it all together when we think it's impossible.  I wonder if we all tested that capacity what God could do through that?  I plan on continuing to try and fail and try again because what better way to live?

Mighty

My dad serves a congregation a few miles outside the town I grew up in.  It is small but mighty.  The church and the town.  I spoke awhile back on their Mission Sunday and shared a little about Haiti.  I was asked then to speak today for a LWML Spring Rally.  I, of course, said yes, cause I just cannot talk enough about this place and these people.  I will gladly speak to a willing, mission-minded audience!

LWML-Lutheran Women's Missionary League. I spoke today to a group of 50 or so ladies.  These LWML ladies are rockstars in the Lutheran world.  They don't know they are and you wouldn't realize  it by looking at a roomful of them.  Lots of gray hair and slacks and jazzy accessories.  Rockstars. Every one of them.

Their sole purpose is missions, both domestic and international.  They pass out these little cardboard mite boxes and through donations of what is found in the laundry or on the floor after sweeping, or from emptying their coin purses each day, they are able to do mighty things.  It's like the loaves and fish.  It all just multiplies.  
Each fall and spring they get together with other chapters from churches and do a rally.  A speaker comes and they gather items and/or money for whatever cause the speaker is toting.
Today, I was toting Haiti Lutheran Mission Society and more specifically House of Love and Hope Orphanage.  
This wasn't my first time speaking to a LWML group and quite frankly, get me talking about Haiti and I could go on all day, so it all went well. 
What struck me today as I got up to speak is that my 94 year old grandma, my 90 year old grandma, my parents, my mother in law, my little sister and my daughter were all there.  This audience had some ties to me and this place.  My Grandma Dahlke at 94 was able to hear how the young men she and my grandpa knew and loved years and years ago, continue to work to spread the gospel in Haiti.  She heard how her granddaughter now knows and loves these same people.  My parents got to hear how their daughter and son in law hope to add a few more grandchildren to their lives by way of adoption.  People were able to hear how years and years ago, my grandparents started down a path that would eventually lead me here.  To Haiti.  To Josie.  To these children. To adoption, we hope.  To a place that has changed and shaped us in the most incredible ways.  
Simply put, it was a pretty cool moment.
Back to the rockstars of this story.  These ladies brought shoes.  Much needed shoes that we'll get to take to the orphanage.  And the money raised was in Godly proportions.  More than I could have ever hoped or imagined.  Loaves and fish, today.
I sit in awe and with profound humility tonight knowing how much it all means to the 22 children that Josie cares for.  And if I'm honest, I consider at least of few of children mine and so it feels like they are caring for my own, as well.   It gets me more than a little choked up and it makes me feel like I could fly to Port Au Prince without a plane.  God moves in mighty ways.