The conversation went late into the night. From my perspective, as a mom of this teenager, it was surreal. It was such a "grown up" conversation. I was simultaneously remembering the really tough early years. The sleep depravation like never before that he introduced to my 20 year old self and imagining his future so full.
He's in the gap. This growing gap, moving farther and farther away from a mom that needs him to keep a schedule for him, clean his clothes, and remind him to brush his teeth and more and more towards needing a mom that listens to his dreams, encourages him to keep being a good friend, teases him about girls and reminds him they really can just be his friends and he doesn't have to bow to peer pressures.
It was so hard to leave him this time because of that conversation. The transition to boarding school was hard for him. He cried some tears and he wasn't ashamed to tell me that. It hurt to know that, but I saw a strength and resolve in him through that. He said he is thankful for the friendships he is building. He understands now why we wanted him to give it a try.
I hated leaving him this time not because I felt like he needed me, but because I so badly wanted to be around him longer. He is navigating relationships that aren't always easy and he's doing it well. He is navigating classes and schedules and practices without me to remind him of times or assignments and he is doing it well. He is learning that your heart and home can very much be in two places equally. He loves it there and misses us terribly. He is learning to live in tension and from experience, I recognize the importance of that skill. He is being reminded daily that this tension is ok, because ultimately this life is lived for Christ and for others and that so often asks from us more than we want to give.
I am so proud of him. And I know he is a beautiful example of grace in parenting. We have been given much grace and pray for much, much more as the years go on.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Solutions
There is something so infuriating about poverty.
It's reach is far and wide and debilitating and complicated.
There is no simple solution.
Here are the "solutions" I have heard and thought myself...
They need employment.
They need to finish school so they can get a job.
They need a stable food source.
They need shelter.
The problem lies in that each of these need to be established in order for poverty not to prevail in the lives I love in Haiti. Take one away and the pyramid inevitably crumbles. No job=no money for food or school. No food=hunger, higher risk of sickness, mental and physical limitations. No shelter=subject to the elements, no stability. No school=no hope of a future, no window to the outside world.
See how that goes. There is not just one piece of the puzzle. I can't solve the world's poverty, but I can't help but think God has put Haiti on our hearts and minds so we can have a hand in raising just a few out of it's grasp. Specifically, House of Love and Hope. Here we have an opportunity to come alongside someone and help them walk out from under a heavy load. Isn't that what we are asked to do? Christ carries our burdens and I think He uses us in each other's lives for that purpose.
So here is where I see a problem. Over the years that we have travelled to Haiti people have been beyond generous with their donations of supplies, money, and prayers. It has been amazing. The problem is these donations come and then they go. Think about it when you get a lump sum of money. Maybe it goes to a project. You build a deck or redecorate a room or go on a vacation. Maybe you pay off a bill. Most likely if you have a steady job, that lump sum goes towards something and it's gone. But what if you were given a lump sum, say 2 months worth of living expenses, every 6-9 months. And you didn't have a job. Or a vehicle. And you're the mother of 23 children and several others have depended on you to employ them as caretakers or cooks. How do you survive that? How do you manage that? You cut expenses, right? So 23 kids don't get to go to school, but that increases your daily food costs tremendously. So you cut food costs, which means those 23 children aren't eating 3 times a day. Their pyramid of stability is crumbling.
It's seems hopeless. Today started out like that. Feeling hopeless.
House of Love and Hope is currently in this cycle. Donations come, kids eat and then it's gone. A job is found, but it's not steady work if it continues at all.
So as so much of Haiti goes, school and food one month and neither the next 3. School for a few months, and none the rest of the year.
I'm searching for a viable solution. A sustainable one. One that isn't dependent on donations or charity. One that the orphanage can take ownership of.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking there must be a way to solve this short term while we look for a long term solution. And for whatever reason a chain letter giving tree came to mind. What if I found 10 people who would commit to being a sponsor long term. $50/month. And what if each of those 10 people found just 5 people who would do the same. And each of those 5, found 5 and so on and so on...What kind of ripple would that have? What kind of stability would that provide for those 23 children who currently have so very little stability in their lives? So, today that was rattling around in my head so I did some research, talked to Grace, talked to Kim. Lots of ideas and talking. Then Grace shoots me a text to check out www.fighttothrive.com They just so happened to have started following her on IG today. And guess what they do? Help orphanages find a sustainable income source. Weird, eh? So she contacts the founder via FB and the three of us chat for a bit. He passes on some great info and now our wheels are really turning.
So here's the plan in it's infancy...short term 2-4 years- provide enough through committed donors to give HOLH a baseline of stability. Food, education, transportation. During those years, work to develop a source of income for the orphanage. Ideas still coming in on that...Sew? Raise chickens? Bake bread?
That's it. Obviously, it will be more complicated then that, but that's the gist of it.
Hope is rising...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYC5m6JW0tY
It's reach is far and wide and debilitating and complicated.
There is no simple solution.
Here are the "solutions" I have heard and thought myself...
They need employment.
They need to finish school so they can get a job.
They need a stable food source.
They need shelter.
The problem lies in that each of these need to be established in order for poverty not to prevail in the lives I love in Haiti. Take one away and the pyramid inevitably crumbles. No job=no money for food or school. No food=hunger, higher risk of sickness, mental and physical limitations. No shelter=subject to the elements, no stability. No school=no hope of a future, no window to the outside world.
See how that goes. There is not just one piece of the puzzle. I can't solve the world's poverty, but I can't help but think God has put Haiti on our hearts and minds so we can have a hand in raising just a few out of it's grasp. Specifically, House of Love and Hope. Here we have an opportunity to come alongside someone and help them walk out from under a heavy load. Isn't that what we are asked to do? Christ carries our burdens and I think He uses us in each other's lives for that purpose.
So here is where I see a problem. Over the years that we have travelled to Haiti people have been beyond generous with their donations of supplies, money, and prayers. It has been amazing. The problem is these donations come and then they go. Think about it when you get a lump sum of money. Maybe it goes to a project. You build a deck or redecorate a room or go on a vacation. Maybe you pay off a bill. Most likely if you have a steady job, that lump sum goes towards something and it's gone. But what if you were given a lump sum, say 2 months worth of living expenses, every 6-9 months. And you didn't have a job. Or a vehicle. And you're the mother of 23 children and several others have depended on you to employ them as caretakers or cooks. How do you survive that? How do you manage that? You cut expenses, right? So 23 kids don't get to go to school, but that increases your daily food costs tremendously. So you cut food costs, which means those 23 children aren't eating 3 times a day. Their pyramid of stability is crumbling.
It's seems hopeless. Today started out like that. Feeling hopeless.
House of Love and Hope is currently in this cycle. Donations come, kids eat and then it's gone. A job is found, but it's not steady work if it continues at all.
So as so much of Haiti goes, school and food one month and neither the next 3. School for a few months, and none the rest of the year.
I'm searching for a viable solution. A sustainable one. One that isn't dependent on donations or charity. One that the orphanage can take ownership of.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking there must be a way to solve this short term while we look for a long term solution. And for whatever reason a chain letter giving tree came to mind. What if I found 10 people who would commit to being a sponsor long term. $50/month. And what if each of those 10 people found just 5 people who would do the same. And each of those 5, found 5 and so on and so on...What kind of ripple would that have? What kind of stability would that provide for those 23 children who currently have so very little stability in their lives? So, today that was rattling around in my head so I did some research, talked to Grace, talked to Kim. Lots of ideas and talking. Then Grace shoots me a text to check out www.fighttothrive.com They just so happened to have started following her on IG today. And guess what they do? Help orphanages find a sustainable income source. Weird, eh? So she contacts the founder via FB and the three of us chat for a bit. He passes on some great info and now our wheels are really turning.
So here's the plan in it's infancy...short term 2-4 years- provide enough through committed donors to give HOLH a baseline of stability. Food, education, transportation. During those years, work to develop a source of income for the orphanage. Ideas still coming in on that...Sew? Raise chickens? Bake bread?
That's it. Obviously, it will be more complicated then that, but that's the gist of it.
Hope is rising...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYC5m6JW0tY
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy New Year
I'm sitting at my parents's house this first day of 2016 and despite my best efforts to avoid thinking about the past year too much or contemplating the coming year too much, I am doing both.
It's not that it wasn't a good year or that the coming year won't be full of wonderful things and memories, its just that there is a cloud around me lately that I can't quite shake.
This time of year I usually attribute this feeling to seasonal depression. And that may be all it is, but something isn't settling well deep with in me and I'd like to find out what it is that leaves me feeling just a little sad despite the joys, a little distant despite the proximity of so much good.
So here's the good that resides in my life...
I have a husband that pursues me and fights for me. It's miraculous, really. As much fun as I can be, I can be just as un-fun and he sticks in it with me and encourages me to keep plugging along. And isn't that what we signed up for? Isn't that what marriage should be? Yes, but the reality is not everyone gets that so consistently and I do and I think that's a gift.
I have an oldest son who is a product of two very, very young people who thought tackling parenthood early and often was no big thing. He is entering the age and stage that I find myself in love with. I love these teenage years. He is quiet and calm and funny and kind. I see him as evidence of so much grace. So much trial and error. He is gone more than he is home these days with St. Paul as his primary residence now. I get asked often how he is doing or how I'm doing and I have to say, we're so good. Am I sad without him home? Yes. Does he miss home like crazy? Yes. Do those things make us think we aren't doing the right thing? Sometimes. We see him thriving and connecting and growing there and it keeps us moving forward. We're happy to see him independent and responsible at such a young age. It makes those 20 year old parents feel better about themselves.
I have a daughter that makes me so proud and so scared and so happy. She is all the good things that I am not. She is task driven and organized and loves to sing and dance. She is neat and tidy and loves bright colors. She bakes and cleans. And none of those things trump her thoughtfulness. I am in awe of how easily she thinks of others. How much she cares for those she loves. I wonder what she'll do, how she'll make an impact. She is not bothered by social status, popularity, or what is "cool." She gravitates towards people who are loyal and kind. She is a beautiful soul and I'm anxious and nervous to see how she blooms in her world.
I have a middle son who makes my heart melt. He is quiet and goofy. He sees space and color and creates things. He loves basketball thanks to his big brother. He feels deeply. He is a namesake for our two brothers who passed. I don't know if that affects us somehow each time we say his full name, but we say it often. He is so smart, but unassuming in it. I don't know if he fully understands his potential yet. I love his sense of humor(it is much like his dad's...under his breath and more for himself than an audience). I can just look at him and feel happiness. I wonder if he knows he has that kind of power. To make others feel good in his presence. The world needs that.
And our baby boy. With great difficulty comes great love, right? He loves to think big and live big and dream. He loves to play games and ask questions and find answers. He finds joy in giving gifts. He is brilliant in a way that makes me nervous. I am often in awe, good or bad, of this little powerhouse of a person. He confuses me daily, challenges me sometimes hourly and makes me want the biggest and best things of life for him. I want him to feel loved, show love and care about people more than I want anything else in this world. I am most proud of him when I see flashes of love in him, even when he won't acknowledge it for what it is. He doesn't see, hear, or feel his world like most people do. I am trying so hard to understand this and give him the tools to navigate well. I fail many, many days. I have cried more tears over him, been more frustrated as a parent with him and am more sure than ever that I don't know what I'm doing most days. And I can't help but think that this stage of parenting is preparing us all for what lies ahead.
We have children in Haiti that we don't yet know. We don't know what challenges will come, what heartbreak awaits. We are anxious to find out.
The good goes on and on...from our families that are such a firm foundation to grow from, to our friends who have entered our lives just when we needed them, to a business that provides constant challenges and opportunities for growth with each other and our member. The good is far and wide and so I want to search for the origin of the unsettled feeling I have and try to understand it.
I want to let go of some things that I've held on to this past year. Some hurts that still rise up. Some relationships that I want to reinstate and strength and some that may need to wane. I want to grow in Christ where I sometimes feel a void. I want to see Him where I know He is. The unsettled feels less so when I'm aware of that.
A new year can't help but make us reflect. I wonder why I fight it sometimes.
It's not that it wasn't a good year or that the coming year won't be full of wonderful things and memories, its just that there is a cloud around me lately that I can't quite shake.
This time of year I usually attribute this feeling to seasonal depression. And that may be all it is, but something isn't settling well deep with in me and I'd like to find out what it is that leaves me feeling just a little sad despite the joys, a little distant despite the proximity of so much good.
So here's the good that resides in my life...
I have a husband that pursues me and fights for me. It's miraculous, really. As much fun as I can be, I can be just as un-fun and he sticks in it with me and encourages me to keep plugging along. And isn't that what we signed up for? Isn't that what marriage should be? Yes, but the reality is not everyone gets that so consistently and I do and I think that's a gift.
I have an oldest son who is a product of two very, very young people who thought tackling parenthood early and often was no big thing. He is entering the age and stage that I find myself in love with. I love these teenage years. He is quiet and calm and funny and kind. I see him as evidence of so much grace. So much trial and error. He is gone more than he is home these days with St. Paul as his primary residence now. I get asked often how he is doing or how I'm doing and I have to say, we're so good. Am I sad without him home? Yes. Does he miss home like crazy? Yes. Do those things make us think we aren't doing the right thing? Sometimes. We see him thriving and connecting and growing there and it keeps us moving forward. We're happy to see him independent and responsible at such a young age. It makes those 20 year old parents feel better about themselves.
I have a daughter that makes me so proud and so scared and so happy. She is all the good things that I am not. She is task driven and organized and loves to sing and dance. She is neat and tidy and loves bright colors. She bakes and cleans. And none of those things trump her thoughtfulness. I am in awe of how easily she thinks of others. How much she cares for those she loves. I wonder what she'll do, how she'll make an impact. She is not bothered by social status, popularity, or what is "cool." She gravitates towards people who are loyal and kind. She is a beautiful soul and I'm anxious and nervous to see how she blooms in her world.
I have a middle son who makes my heart melt. He is quiet and goofy. He sees space and color and creates things. He loves basketball thanks to his big brother. He feels deeply. He is a namesake for our two brothers who passed. I don't know if that affects us somehow each time we say his full name, but we say it often. He is so smart, but unassuming in it. I don't know if he fully understands his potential yet. I love his sense of humor(it is much like his dad's...under his breath and more for himself than an audience). I can just look at him and feel happiness. I wonder if he knows he has that kind of power. To make others feel good in his presence. The world needs that.
And our baby boy. With great difficulty comes great love, right? He loves to think big and live big and dream. He loves to play games and ask questions and find answers. He finds joy in giving gifts. He is brilliant in a way that makes me nervous. I am often in awe, good or bad, of this little powerhouse of a person. He confuses me daily, challenges me sometimes hourly and makes me want the biggest and best things of life for him. I want him to feel loved, show love and care about people more than I want anything else in this world. I am most proud of him when I see flashes of love in him, even when he won't acknowledge it for what it is. He doesn't see, hear, or feel his world like most people do. I am trying so hard to understand this and give him the tools to navigate well. I fail many, many days. I have cried more tears over him, been more frustrated as a parent with him and am more sure than ever that I don't know what I'm doing most days. And I can't help but think that this stage of parenting is preparing us all for what lies ahead.
We have children in Haiti that we don't yet know. We don't know what challenges will come, what heartbreak awaits. We are anxious to find out.
The good goes on and on...from our families that are such a firm foundation to grow from, to our friends who have entered our lives just when we needed them, to a business that provides constant challenges and opportunities for growth with each other and our member. The good is far and wide and so I want to search for the origin of the unsettled feeling I have and try to understand it.
I want to let go of some things that I've held on to this past year. Some hurts that still rise up. Some relationships that I want to reinstate and strength and some that may need to wane. I want to grow in Christ where I sometimes feel a void. I want to see Him where I know He is. The unsettled feels less so when I'm aware of that.
A new year can't help but make us reflect. I wonder why I fight it sometimes.
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