To my younger self

We passed 17 years of marriage last week and I've had a few conversations lately about relationships and marriage and it's made me think about my 19 year old self who married this boy who was her best friend and loved her and she just didn't want to be away from any more.
I won't pretend to know a darn thing about someone else's marriage because I am certain no one really know what goes on between two people who have decided to spend a lifetime together.  But, I can speak to our marriage and I can speak to the girl I was 17 years ago...

To my 19 year old, newly married self:
This is gonna be fun.  Truly. You won't believe the joy you will find in being married to Chad.

You will be lonely. Terribly so. Sometimes with him right next to you.

You will have to say goodbye more often then you can imagine.  Some of those good byes will be for a day, but some will be for weeks or months and they will be gut-wrenching, but you'll make it through them all.

You will have babies early and often these first 8 years.  Hold on. It will be mind-numbingly hard, exhausting and exhilarating.  You will wonder simultaneously what you're doing and what could you ever be doing that's better then this.  You will miss it.  Everyone will tell you that and they aren't lying.

You will make some of the most amazing friends.  Friends that will see you through some of the hardest months of your brother dying and Chad being on deployment.  Friends who walk with you through having babies early and often and all that comes with that.  Friends who will rally around you when you start a business and when you start an adoption.  Friends who help you weather drama, trauma, and difficulties that come along.

You'll carry some resentment for a long time from those early years, raising babies alone so often. It's going to make sense some day and you'll know you were never really alone. Those early days will shape you, make you more compassionate, more understanding, and resilient.

You won't believe how much you can love a teenager.  They are this magical combination of youth, and goofiness and adultness and confusion.  They will challenge you in ways that an infant never could, but they are so very fun and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You will find yourself in a profession that was never on your radar, doing things every day that you never thought you would or could do and you'll love it.

You will one day be sitting in your living room wondering how you got there.  You'll wonder about the choices you made even when you didn't feel like you were given a choice.  You'll be amazed at the choreography of your life and be so very thankful for it.

You'll look back the winding road to this day and be genuinely excited about the winding road ahead because if nothing else, this life with this man and these kids is always an adventure and you sure do love an adventure.