You know how the air changes before a big storm. The sky shifts, the air temperature drops, the air smells and feels different.
That's what if feels like RIGHT NOW in our lives.
And I know that storm will bring much needed rain, but the wind will be strong, the hail may be large, but we so need that rain...
We're already getting those first few beautiful sprinkles...
I knew way back when we first started talking about adopting from Haiti that we wouldn't be able to do it alone. And we're not alone.
There is this sense that our lives need to be in order to embark on a journey like this. I know some will not understand why and why now for us. We don't make much money, we have 4 children already, we have very busy, wonderful lives.
What's interesting is that over the course of the past few months those are the very things I wrestle with. Pros and cons. Risk vs. reward. The hows and whys.
I live in a comfy place of low expectations. I expect pretty basic things from people and from myself. Which makes this whole thing very intriguing to even me. This is bigger than us. This drive and desire to know intimately what Haitian life is like, how their culture thinks, how we can be of the greatest service to them, does not come from me. It can only come from Him. It's an excited fear I feel. How do you explain knowing a journey will be painful and difficult and WANTING it!?!
My answer to every inquiry, comment, speculation is "I don't know." I don't know how we're going to afford our trip, our possible adoption, and/or whatever opportunity arise from our trip. I don't know what issues our future children may have, biological or adopted. I don't know why we feel this way about this foreign country. I don't know why now. I don't know why so many people have rallied around us with a MASSIVE garage sale, bake sale, lemonade stand! I don't know why we have these people in our lives at this moment?
All I do know is we need to go down this path. I honestly don't feel like I have any control of it anyway. I am an observer to what God will orchestrate. In just these few short months, I can see His hand here and there.
And while feeling like an observer, I know there is so much we will need to do. This will be the most challenging thing we've done. We will be pushed and pulled and grown. It may be a complete disaster. And I welcome it. I don't want to think or feel or act like the world can't be helped by little ol' me and a great big God. Bring the rain!
Mercy Me's song :-)