One more rep

My head has been in some deep places the past few weeks upon returning from Haiti.  I found myself having a difficult time caring about much of anything.  My house will attest to that fact, my refrigerator will attest to that, and my workouts will attest to that. I kept finding myself saying, "I don't care" to everything. 
I didn't mentally check out entirely from life, but I'm not sure that I wouldn't have without the gym and my family.  Something about a screeching 4 year old or a class full of people that pulls you away from any mental break you were taking. 
Between the screeches though, I found myself waffling between trying to figure out if I even want to try to care or if this kind of mental lapse of motivation was actually a good thing.
I'm not entirely convinced either way at this point.
No motivation means no goals which means no failure.  Safety in it's truest form.  No motivation means slipping into an almost robotic existence, which I can at least see the benefit of for a short period of time. 
When you run a CrossFit gym, lack of motivation is not exactly something you want to broadcast.  But if there is one thing I love about people it is there ability to show their weaknesses and right now, I am weak.  I'm worn down from wanting so desperately to be in two places.  I'm worn down from loving babies from so far away.  I'm worn down from battling a tough little boy for 4 years.  I'm worn down with all the pain I see in friends' lives.  I've had several conversations with friends and family over the past few days about some really tough stuff.  The kind of stuff that makes you want to curl up in the fetal position.  The strength and sorrow I've seen in these friends' eyes reminds me that experiencing painful emotions and battling through the dark places, is a worthy goal.  And often its the most important goal because it gives us courage to face the next unseen battle.
In my current lackadaisical state, I have still seen some profound correlations between what I get to do on a daily basis as a CrossFit coach and life in general.  The farther we get into this adventure, the more I realize why I love it so much.
It is for the mental PRs.  Both in myself and in others.
I do not have any major fitness goals.  I want to get better. Period.  However that looks, is ok with me.  The lack of a solid goal can be a disadvantage, but what it allows me to do is be able to make room for other people's goals.  I haven't figured out how to do both yet. 

So I choose, for now, these friends who show up every day and work so hard to be better, physically.  What I have seen in my CrossFit experience, and what I hope to see in each of our friends, is that our mental fitness gains match our physical fitness gains. 
There is so much about body image, and courage, and humility, and acceptance that I have made incredible improvements on.  I hope I'm not done yet, but I find myself wanting others to grasp this priceless aspect of CrossFit because of how it helps you deal with what life is certain to throw your way.
I put a whole lot of effort into helping each person improve their fitness level, but if I can have one conversation, one encouraging word that helps to rewire their brain, I consider that a PR. 
So much of what we battle in day to day life, is replicated in a CrossFit WOD.  The ability to keep moving, one rep at a time, is a priceless life skill.  To learn to work when we're weary is difficult to teach, but is practiced in CrossFit.  To learn how to manage your rest time and your work time is the difference between failing and finishing.  To finish a WOD through tears, reminds us that we're human and life can get the best of us.  And having a community of people that are invested in you as an individual, not as a member on the books, is a solid feeling to take out into the world. 

We cannot know what tomorrow will hold, but I will always be thankful that the time and effort put into CrossFit has reaped both physical and mental benefits. 
I CrossFit for what it does for my brain and I wish I could wrap it up in a pretty package and give it to everyone.  It doesn't come that way, though.  Like most things that are valuable it comes with some bumps and bruises, tears and sweat and it's worth every bit of it.  So when the dark places arise and life is fighting against you, you know that it's just one rep at a time to get through it.