Questions, observations, and hope

All I can see when I close my eyes are piles of debris and tree trunks with no bark and no branches.
I was only there for 48 hours. 
What is it like for those who never leave? 
What if it was my life thrown all over the town? 
Would I care about the things I think are important now?
I wonder who they will never find. 
I wonder if the miracles will outweigh the tragedies.
The horror some endured is difficult to put into words.  Those who had loved ones ripped from them or had someone sacrifice their bodies to protect them.  Will they be able to continue on?
It makes me think about making space in my life. 
Space to spare in my time, my home, my heart, my finances.  A tragedy in my life or others can be weathered collectively if each person has a little space to give something.
The affects of this should be deeper than appreciating what you have or loving your family more.  It's bigger then that, deeper then that. 
Everyone will have a story in this. 
Myself included, but I'm struggling with where my story fits. 
How do I express what I feel without making those who actually experienced it the background of my own experience?  All the focus should be on those who lost, not those who helped.
My emotions are empathy, not a cause of having to actually 
endure the storm.
I did not suffer but my heart hurts and my eyes cry.
I hope my tears are from someone who hasn't cried yet.
That somehow my tears will miraculously ease the heart of another.
If only it worked like blood donations. 
I would donate my tears to someone who isn't able to cry in the midst of their personal tragedy.
I don't have any pictures from this weekend, except for a few I took on my phone.  What you see on the news is accurate, but it doesn't seem to touch on the expanse of the destruction. 
As we cleared debris away each day, if I kept my head down, looking for something important, sifting through and shoveling the wreckage, it felt like the task was doable.  Then I would look up and for as far as we could see there were mounds of what was left.
The neighborhood we were in is where they believe the tornado became an EF5.  You could tell when you looked back south and west.  You could see the edges of the damage, but then suddenly the outer edges of the destruction were not visible when you looked north or south. 
It was hard to leave.  We loved living in Joplin.  We had wonderful friends, great memories and grew so much as a family and couple in that town.  We talked briefly about moving back. 
There is always hope.  Hope for individuals and hope for communities.  We truly saw the best in people this weekend.  Food came by from different places every couple hours.  Individuals drove through offering water and snacks.  Every corner had cases of water stacked up for the officers working the intersections or workers clearing debris. 
I feel like I got more from this community then we were able to give in a few short days.  I'm so glad that we were able to be there.

My mind in bullet points

*I will be on the brink of tears at all times the next few days and it's not just because I'm sad for those in Joplin.  It's because I look around and see an overwhelming desire to help.
*I am not an anxious person, but trying to imagine what I will see when I go to Joplin this weekend makes my chest tighten.
*Our house is almost done. 
*Which means we're staying in a hotel for at least 2 nights and probably 3 because they have to do a major cleaning because of lead paint.
*This sounded like no big deal until it happened on this particular week when I really need to be in my home.
*Autumn has her dance recital tomorrow night. 
*She is a good dancer and yes, I'm biased.
*Cory's birthday is on Saturday and we're missing part of it to go to Joplin.
*I waver between guilt and peace.
*He is going to see one of his favorite cousins so I think it will be fine.
*He's going to be 6, which makes me crazy.  He can't be that old. 
*He was born in Joplin. 
*Elijah has his first baseball game of the season tonight.
*He looks really cute in baseball pants and he would be totally embarrassed if I told him that.
*I need to get us dinner from somewhere and get Elijah some longer socks. 
Signing off...

Heartbroken

I've never personally been affected by a natural disaster.  I lived through Hurricane Isabelle years ago.  It was intense, but the destruction I'm seeing in Joplin is beyond anything I've ever seen.

We lived in Joplin for 3 1/2 wonderful years.  Great memories were made, life-long friendships have continued and it breaks my heart to see what a single catastrophy can do to a community. 
I ache for them. 
So far, our friends are alive and well, of which I am so thankful.

What makes my heart swell is what people will do to help in a crisis.  It's happened over and over in this country.  People genuinely want to help other people in need.

Chad and I are heading down there with some friends this weekend.  We're taking whatever supplies we can collect this week and take them to a shelter that needs them.  We'll check on our friends.  It's going to be hard to see a town we loved in ruin.  I can only imagine what we'll see.

There is no easy way to say this...

I got peed on by a random kid at McDonalds yesterday.
I'm not kidding. 
I wish I was.

Here's how the story goes...
We've had workers at our house the past few weeks and sometimes we just need to get out and away from the banging and commotion. Yesterday they were working on framing and putting up our new front door. (It looks GREAT, by the way).
So we headed to McDs to play and have lunch cause it was nasty rainy and the little people couldn't really play outside. So, as is custom, I texted my girlfriends to see if anyone wanted to join us.
We were the first ones there and sat off to the side of the playplace.
When I went to get food, our spot was taken so some nice people who were leaving gave us their booth in front of the playplace. 
Insert impending doom music here...
Some nice friends came to join us and we were chatting away when I felt some drops on my arm.  I looked up to find a child, probably at least 5 years old, PEEING off of the playplace onto our booth!!!!
When it quickly registered what was happening I shoved my friend who was on the outside of the booth, who was also hit and was on her way out.
We just stood there for a second staring at each other.  Did that really just happen??  I'm still not sure.  It was surreal.
Needless to say, we packed up and headed home. 
I'm not sure if I can go back there anytime soon.

Spring, house, All Schools Day

 It's finally getting warm around here, which means flowers and dirty kids!

Our house is slowly, but surely getting done.  I love the results, so far!

And All Schools Day means parade, carnival and fun!

What a weekend!

I'm a day late on the token Mothers' Day post.  The reason being is that yesterday was CRAZY!  Crazy wonderful!

Elijah had his confirmation yesterday.  I couldn't be more proud of him.  He is traditionally quite young to have gone through confirmation, but he has more knowledge about Scripture and his Lord at the young age of 10 then many adults and I don't imagine that's a bad thing.

It just so happened that confirmation was set for Mothers' Day this year and I couldn't think of a better way to spend it.  We had lots of family members spend the weekend with us including my parents, my in-laws, 2 brothers, one sister (and her boyfriend), a sister-in-law and her family and my 91 year old grandma!  Lots of commotion and lots of fun.  I'll post again soon with some of the fun shenanigans that went on :)

And for Mothers' Day here are just a few things I've learned:
From my mom--This time of little people, noise, dirt, laundry, and diapers goes so quickly.  Don't sweat it.  They amazingly will grow up to be potty-trained, verbal, social, educated adults despite our best efforts and our biggest mistakes.  She has shown me that your faith is more then what you say or do, it is the essence of who you are.  That loving your husband is more valuable to your children then anything else you can give them.  That we live under a constant state of grace, which is honestly all that gets me through some days!
From my mother-in-law--Patience is a virtue worth working on and often comes with practice.  We're never too old to pursue something we love.  Being an example speaks volumes to those around you.  Having sons (and daughters) who respect and love you is a gift.
And in my own mothering experiences I have learned that I can survive on very little sleep, eat peanut butter and jelly alot more then I would like and be ok, clean up some of the most retched things and not gag, and the funniest things in life come from a 2 year old.  With the highest highs and the lowest lows, comes the confidence that I will make it through this life as a mother not by anything I do, but by the grace of God.  It's the only way.
Here's to all the Mothers!

History

I vividly remember 9/11.
Osama Bin Laden was not a name that the American people knew prior, but one that became a part of our vocabulary very quickly.
He had become my generation's, "Bad Guy".  The face of evil and hate.  His ideology created an atmosphere of misguided prejudice towards Muslims.  He changed our world in one day. 
In all that, I am hard-pressed to rejoice in his death.  I can understand the range of emotions felt by citizens around the world.  It's hugely emotional, I'm sure, to those who lost someone in 9/11. 
I'm proud of our country.  We had the technology, the skilled servicemen, and the patience to operate a mission of this importance.  I am intrigued by the intelligence gathering that led to finding him.
I feel a sense of relief that he is gone, even though I know the threat of terrorism is still real.  The reality is that we will always live in a world where hate resides, but we don't have to participate in it.
My hope is that from this, we as individuals and as a country, can work to draw those extremists one by one away from a world of hate.  I think about them or any extremist who participates in acts of violence.  How do we change them?  Are they a lost cause? 
I sure hope not.