Checking out...

I really probably shouldn't be homeschooling. 
I've said that since I started it 4+ years ago.
I pretty much mentally check out after Christmas.  Well, if I'm honest, it's usually around Thanksgiving that I lose all motivation to "do school."
That's pretty sad.
Nothing makes me want to homeschool at this point, except an obligation to finish out the year.
My only saving grace is that, so far, the 2 children I have homeschooled were and are very independent and self-motivated. 

And, it's right about this time of year that I question why I choose to homeschool for any length of time and if I think it's really better for them or us as a family. 

This is the conclusion I usually come to...I homeschool partially out of obligation and partially out of a desire to maintain a heavier influence over my kids for just a few years longer. 
Not necessarily because I can give them a better education.  In fact, I don't know if they do get a better education with me. 
I absolutely believe they COULD, if I would be more on top of things or if that was what I was motivated by.
I can make every argument under the sun why I think homeschooling is, by in large, a better situation for most kids.  I can even convince myself that those are all the reasons I homeschool, as well.
But, if I'm honest, that's not why I do it. 
I'm a half-ass homeschooler (pardon the language). 
I love it for what it could be and hate it for what I'm not.

And there in rests the guilt for doing it and not doing it well enough and the guilt in letting it go, if we do. 

I cannot wrap my head around working with multiple children, so we have come to this crossroads before when Elijah was getting a little older and Autumn was needing more attention, schoolwise.  We're there again with Autumn and now Cory.  I want that one on one time with Cory and I can't seem to find it with the time it takes for Autumn's work.  Maybe I'm not organized enough, or I'm too busy with other activities(like blogging :) ), or who knows what else. 
All I know is, it feels like Cory is getting the short end in this situation and I hate that.

So round and round I go...what to do, what to do???