Blah, blah, blah

I have nothing interesting to say...this is going to be a pretty lame post, but I feel like if I don't write every few days, I may stop completely and I don't want to do that.

So I went to Fargo with my friend Amy this past weekend. It was a great trip aside from the 10 zillion times the kids watched Alvin and the Chipmunks and Caleb's incessant need to say "MOM, MOMMY, MA, MAMA" for 9 of the 11 hours!
I got to see the town where 2 of my very good friends will soon reside. Fargo was super nice...in April that is. I can't say I would love it if I had visited in December or January when it's 10 below. For now, I'll stick to just visiting them in the summer.

I kinda like leaving my husband for awhile. I like missing him a little, but I think I like being missed more. Is that weird?

My carpet is gross. So is my kitchen floor. It's linoleum. The problem isn't really the floors, it's that we almost solely exist in these 2 tiny rooms. 6 people, coming in and out all day, walking on these 2 floors. It's impossible to keep clean unless I had super powers that enabled me to shoot carpet cleaner out of my hands and a mop out of my feet. I don't see that happening.
I'm really looking forward to moving for the new floors alone.

Internal warfare

There are a few wars I'm currently waging internally. Not wanting to really share the specifics just yet, but it's things that could very well change the course of our lives. Sounds scary, huh? That's what I'm saying. These "wars" are one of my least favorite things about being an adult. For me the battle always lies somewhere between trying to use human reason to "figure" stuff out and trying to understand what it is that God would have me do. Maybe sometimes those match up and sometimes they just don't seem to. I have to reconcile that in my mind and it's hard.

I do think there are those little voices that lead us (don't say I'm crazy! I know you have them too.) But what if the voices can't agree? Ok, that sounds certifiable crazy.
How about if I rephrase that?
What if the pros and cons outweigh each other?
Much better...less crazy.
Or what if the pros and cons don't matter? What if trying to do what's best has nothing to do with pros/cons and is solely a decision that needs to be made without our flawed human reasoning? Have I confused you yet? Well, join the club!

Quite frankly, sometimes I think I know what I should do and I just flat out don't want to. What does that say about me? Yeah, I'm stubborn. I'm banking on the fact that God knows that and loves me anyway.

My motivation in most decision-making goes as follows...1. I really do want to lead a life that is pleasing to God. 2. I don't want to screw my kids up. 3. It really matters to me what my husband thinks about things. Not that I always agree, but I need to know where he stands. 4. Sometimes I disregard all of the above and mess up.

So, I battle. Do you?

Travel

I LOVE road trips! With kids, without kids, 4 hours, 20 hours. I'll do it! Pretty sure it's my mom's fault that I like to drive so much. As kids, we'd load up and drive down to my aunt's house outside New Orleans or take family trips to other family. I loved it and I still do.

I'm going to Fargo, ND with a friend this weekend and I'm so looking forward to it. Crazy, right? What's so enjoyable about driving for 11 hours with 4 kids? At times, it's not enjoyable at all, BUT...

There is something soothing to me about the scenery passing by. "There's nothing the road cannot heal" is a favorite lyric from a Bright Eyes song. It's so true for me. In between the chaotic times with kids, there are those silent times that my mind can wonder, dream, pray, think. I've written books (in my head), said thousands of prayers, found answers to questions, and had opportunities to talk with my kids or friends in those hours.

I know people who HATE driving and a part of me can see the reasoning, but I don't think I'll ever be one of those people. It's so exciting to me to load the car up all organized (for the 5 minutes til the kids claw through everything), fill my coffee travel mug, say a prayer and hit the road.

So, who's up for a road trip...? I'll be up for one as soon as I make it back from Fargo! :)

What a rollercoaster!

So this week has been interesting? We made a decision on Monday for Chad to take a new job, which would pay much less, but would theoretically be much less stressful for him. Well that would have been ok, I think, except that whole house buying thing that we're in the middle of. They don't like it when you take a new job and it's going to pay you less. Surprising, I know. We weren't surprised, but thought it would work out to be ok. It didn't. Chad had to turn down the new job (for the second time) and apologize like crazy to his current boss who had already set up interviews to fill his position. So all that and nothing has changed. He's still at the same job, which has alot of pros to it and some cons, like everything else in life.

So, here's my thing. This has been a struggle for us. I think there were a lot of red flags that kept coming up with the new job opportunity. I felt like we saw them, talked about them and then ignored them. Would it have been ok if it had worked out to get the new job and the house? Yeah, maybe. Timing means something, though. Both the house and the job seem like a good thing for us. They just didn't work out together. We had to choose. And, in all honesty, I have a huge sense of relief that we chose what we did. So those gut feelings, red flags, whatever you want to call them, those matter too. It wasn't going to be all smooth and easy regardless of what we decided, but at least that part is over and we can move on to some other less stressful decisions, like what color do we want to paint the office/guest room.

The one thing I know for certain...

is that I don't know anything. There are days(today) that I would like to forego making any decisions at all. I would at times prefer to crawl in a hole and come out with a clean house, well-adjusted children, and all major decisions made. What??? I can't do that!?! Crap!

There are so many decisions to be made in any given day, that I think I get decision burnout. Most aren't really major decisions, but it seems like lately for our family there have been some bigger ones. A change in job, buying/moving into a new house, homeschool vs. not homeschool, job or no job for me, blah, blah, blah! I'm sick of it! I know on some level that these aren't life or death decisions. I know if we choose one over the other it's not going to change the inner workings of the earth. It's just a decision. We can change our minds later and choose something different. So WHAT am I getting so worked up about?

I don't know.

See, it goes back to my first point...I don't know anything. I don't know if this job for my husband is going to be a good decision. I don't know if this whole house is going to work out for the best. I STILL don't know if I should be homeschooling any one of my kids or all of them. I don't know if I should get a job to help out financially. I just flat out DON'T KNOW! Does anyone else feel this way sometimes??
So here's what it comes down to for me. It's faith. I'm obviously not doing so great at that right now, but I know that's the bottom line. It's trusting that we're doing the best we can with what we know and the rest is up to Him.

So next decision...do I fold laundry or watch DWTS? Don't worry, I got this one...BOTH :)

Renovations!

So here's the short story...we're buying a house that's being renovated.
The long story is so great, though, so that's what I'm going to write about today. Back in December we heard from a friend of a friend about the McPherson Housing Coalition, a non-profit here in town that renovates houses and then sells them at cost to familys in need. They were taking applications for the house they were currently working on. We had been looking for a house for over a year and were having a hard time finding one in our price range that was both big enough and in relatively good shape. So we applied on a whim, not really thinking we would be selected. We found out in January that we were!! It is still a long way from being done, but we get to participate in the renovations and watch it take shape. It's been a great experience as we get to see all the people that have put their time and talents into this home not knowing who was going to ultimately occupy it. I'll add more pictures as the renovations progress! We're so thankful and we're SOOOOOOO excited to get into our new house!!

Love/Hate relationships

No, not people relationships. I think that all relations you have with people should just be loving ones...or at least liking ones...ok, at the very least tolerating in a loving way types of relationships.

I'm talking about those relationships that I have with things or behaviors. There are some things that I just purely love, like chocolate, for example. I can not recall a single time that I thought I hated chocolate.

Now excercise, that is one for sure. I love to hate it, or hate to love it, not sure which. Currently, I think I hate it, no love it, no hate it. See the dilemma? On one hand, I love that I feel stronger, I'm not quite so jiggly and most of the time it just makes me feel better. Then there are those times, I just don't want to do it, therefore I hate it. This is, I think, in order to convince myself that I can take a break. At times, working out makes it difficult for me to go up and down stairs or sit on the toilet, things that I need to do on a daily basis. Despite that, I'm planning on keeping it up for now.
Homeschooling. That's another one. See previous post of how often I love it. Most of the time, but not all. Maybe that's the key, if you love it MOST of the time, keep at it, but if you hate it most of the time, move on.

Relationships, I'm talking about people relationships now, are complicated (talk about a shift, huh?). I can honestly say, I don't hate a soul. Not that I never have, just that I don't right now. It's so much work to hate someone. There are alot of people in my life ,right now, that I just flat out love, which makes it difficult for hate to creep in. Besides the obvious people, like my husband and kids, I've been blessed with beautiful friendships. Some are old(the friendships, not the friends), some are very new, but all add much to my life. I'm really thankful for those, and for the ones that have waned or disappeared. I know it takes a lot of effort to maintain any relationship, so I try not to be too hard on others or myself when some drift. I love relationships. All kinds, the easy ones, the hard ones, the weak and the strong ones. They give life so much depth.
Til next time...

Homeschooling

I homeschool. In fact, I'm doing it right now. No, really, I am. Autumn is reading to me. I guess, technically, I've been homeschooling for about 4 years. You'd think I would have it figured out by now, but I'm told that having it all figured out about anything is a pipe dream. I have a love/hate relationship with homeschooling. I love it, I really do... maybe 82% of the time. I'm probably personality-wise the last person who should be homeschooling. I don't like schedules, I'd rather just play all day. I'm not a teacher. I haven't been trained how to teach math or reading. I love learning what I want when I want and I've noticed I teach that way. I really think younger kids learn so much from playing, living together, working together, talking, etc. I'd much rather have a child who has a strong character then one who can recite the history of Greece(we just finished up Greece and we both loved it). Now, ideally, we could raise children who can do both, but alot of days I feel like I have to focus on one or the other.
So, some days we do a lot and some days we don't do any "school". Today I think I love it cause we're blowing through our lessons, Autumn has a great attitude, and Caleb has been sleeping so I feel like I can focus. Tomorrow...well that isn't here yet is it?

Easter

I really love Easter for alot of reasons, but this year it kinda feels like it just came and went. I wasn't "in to it" like I have been in the past. Not sure why really. I love it for what it means for my faith.
I get a little nostalgic around Easter too. It was a great holiday at my house growing up. Lots of family, food, and my mom's beautiful china. It only came out 4 times a year(Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Easter) and as much as I think I complained about setting the table and the dozen times I asked which side the forks went on, I loved it. It was simple and lovely with a singe long stem rose on it. I tried to get each plate to line up just right so the roses were all aligned the same. We all got to drink out of real crystal wine glasses too, although I don't remember but once or twice my parents drinking wine.
Oh eggs. Egg hunts are a ridiculous tradition really, but it doesn't get old(til the third or fourth time) watching them look for those eggs. As my siblings and I got older, the whole egg hunt thing got complicated with some older and some younger kids so they started doing 2 hunts. One for the youngers with lots of eggs with candy or coins in them. The other was a hunt for THE MONEY EGG. Some years there was just the one egg that they hid ridiculously hard and other years they hid a bunch but only one had the mother lode in it. And, by mother lode I mean, maybe $15-20 bucks. Serious cash.
I only found it once over the years, but victory was sweet since I dethroned my brother Josh who had found it several years in a row. Good memories. We're all so spread out now that we're older, it's been years since any of us have been together at Easter. Makes me sad a little. Sometimes I get jealous of those that have their families close by, but that's a whole other post...
Happy Easter!!

First Post

I've thought about blogging intermittantly over the years, but it seems like one of those things that I'd start and not keep up with. I have a tendency to do that with things. I'm sure that will be one of my posts at some point. Over the years, I've gotten tired of that little part of me so I've stopped doing some things to avoid the feeling of not finishing it. Anyone want to psychoanalyze that one!?! Too much information for a first post...? Maybe.

Well, a new friend got me thinking about doing it again and so here we go. I think I need to reevalutate what this whole blogging thing could be. Rather then something that is "finished" I may just use it as a journal, which could be a good or bad thing. We'll see.