The last day

No turning back now.  It's the last day before Caleb heads to Kindergarten.  It's been a lazy morning.  My favorite.  He's still running around in his underwear, watching cartoons, playing Legos and asking questions about everything.  
Tomorrow he'll get up, get dressed and be on his way.
I homeschooled the kids on and off for a lot of the past 8 years or so. I can't really explain THE reason I did, but there were many little reasons that had added up to why we did it that way. Mornings like this were one of the reasons. We push our kids out the door so young, it seems.  They have to get up, get dressed and be somewhere in order to do something so they can learn something as soon as possible so they can learn the next thing.  
I think we're all missing out on the early years of boredom and creativity and playing at home.  
It's magical and it moves so quickly.  
If I were a different person or Caleb was a different person, I'd hang on to him a few more years.  I want so badly to hold tight to these last few years of childhood. He's running away with it though.  He wants and needs to move and move quickly.  His brain requires constant input and structure and activity and my brain is saying slow down, nap, quiet.  It's not a good match.
I'm excited for his new adventure, but it's not without a deep feeling of nostalgia and probably some tears as I prepare my own heart to cross this milestone tomorrow.
I'll relish in the quiet sometimes and enjoy the hours of calm, but it will be with a hint of regret and sadness that the tiny years are gone.  I'll always miss those babies who are now growing and wandering these days without me right next to them.  I'll always wonder if the few hours in the afternoon and evening are enough for us to stay close.  I'll always be thankful we kept them home those first few years.