The older I get the more I realize this strange life is a series of circumstances, experiences, and epic failures meant to shape and mold us into something resembling a wise, educated old person.
I know these types and I want to be them some day. My grandparents, for example. Lots of wisdom rattling around in their heads.
Seriously, though, I find it shocking at times what experiences shape us. It's not always what we expect. Some of the most defining moments of growth have often been in the silent hours of night with sleepless babies, in the moments of torment throughout the day as I wrestle with the hows and whys of any number of things. The microscopic changes in how I think, or speak, or cope seem to occur in the unnoticed processing of my choices and experiences. It's rarely been in a single defining moment. Time, thoughts, prayers, experiences, conversations. Every single one of them are valuable when we are conscience of them.
I'm sure you've heard someone say about a young person who has passed away that they were so "full of life." I find that so ironic. My 91 year old grandma is full of life. She doesn't get out much anymore, she struggles with various ailments (although in quite good health for being 91 and a diabetic most of her life), but she is FULL OF LIFE. I understand what is meant when that's said about a child, but it seems so backwards.
So, I honestly have no idea where all this mumbo jumbo is coming from today. I just keep thinking I want to truly have a "full life" and that means a huge range of experiences, emotions, and struggles.
I want to be that wrinkly, wise, educated, old lady someday.
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